Is there a support group for us EQ widows?
Yes! I just found it. It’s under Yahoo groups. I’m about to take off to go meet someone for coffee that’s never even heard of the damn game. Wish me luck. 
I think I’ll echo the sentiments already expressed. Tell him “I’m not giving you an ultimatum because there’s no point. You’ve already chosen the game. And I’ve chosen myself. I think I’ll go find a guy who’s more interested in a real live person than in badly-rendered polygons. Buh-bye.”
And make it stick too. Even on the tiny chance that he realizes he’s missing out on somethin’ good, forget about him. It will always end up being the game.
Good luck…in my case, I am already married to the gamer. He is not nearly as extreme as your boyfriend, but I do feel like EQ is becoming a problem…at least it is impacting our relationship. I am trying to negotiate some EQ-free nights, so the possibility exists to do other things.
The really sucky thing? It’s not even that good of a game.
Dump him now. Once Sony comes out with the Star Wars MMORPG* game later this year, you’ll never see him again anyway.
[sub]*Massively multiplayer online roleplaying game, if anyone was wondering[/sub]
As a man who has not seen a naked woman for about 6 months, all I can say is : wow guys can be stupid. You have to do what you think is right lez, but I think you should tell this guy to hit the road jack, and dontcha come back no more no more no more nomore . . . .
Dump him. You’re wasting your time. Let’s rip the bandaid off quickly here; if he was interested in you, he would be with you. I had a three-year relationship with a workaholic; he worked 40 hours a week at his regular job, worked another 20 hours a week at his evening job, then he spent one day of the weekend visiting his family, and Sunday mornings at church. I got some Sunday afternoons, if he didn’t have anything better to do. After three years, I figured out that he was spending his time the way he wanted to; he just didn’t want to spend it with me more than he wanted to do everything else. I dumped him, I met a man who spends time with me because he loves me, and everyone lived happily ever after. Except my ex, who is still working too much and alone.
Oh, I know this tune…
…so I go to visit my now-ex. I’m staying for a week. We hardly ever get to see each other. One night after his hockey game, around 8-9ish, he puts on Metal Gear Solid 2.
Okay, that’s cool, I think. I totally understand if he wants to get an hour of playing time in. Hell, maybe it’ll help him unwind.
Seven hours later, I’m pissed as hell that he’s STILL playing the damn game (despite hours of subtle, not-so-subtle, and obvious hints). I didn’t really think I was in the wrong there. I mean, I kind of like watching videogames that have a good plot, but not for more than an hour. And I didn’t come visit to play with his fucking computer while he was on the PS2. I came to be with HIM. To do stuff with HIM.
Of course, he had no idea of why I was pissed. :rolleyes:
Get out of the situation. Really, it’ll only get worse. And if he’s putting a game over sex/the possibility of sex/the company of the opposite sex, he’s got his priorities seriously screwed up.
And he needs to grow the hell up.
Y’know, I like computer games. I enjoy them a lot.
But when my long-distance girlfriend comes to visit for a weekend, you better believe I don’t spend the weekend playing computer games.
Occasionally, if she’s up for a week or something, I might come home from work and play a game for an hour. But for the love of Jesus, it’d be terrible to have her come over and then play computer games. How insensitive!
There’s better guys out there.
Daniel
See, that’s why I play Counterstrike. It’s compelling, a good time-killer, and fun… but doesn’t require hours upon hours upon hours upon hours of time.
He obviously enjoys the game more than he enjoys you. To me, you sound like a nag. Maybe he plays to get away from you.
YMMV
Even if that’s why he plays, Kellibelli, he should have the common decency to break up with her.
Inviting her over, and then playing, is cowardly and mean.
Daniel
I have to agree. Its abominably rude to invite someone over and ignore them.
If they invite themselves over OTOH, then why should he drop everything to accommodate them?
Instead of sitting and nagging him to get offline, why not tell him to meet somewhere with no computer? Go to a movie, her house, the park?
It sounds to ME (I could easily be off on this) that she wants to go over, he says ok, and then when she gets there and doesnt get his attention, she gets mad.
He cant miss her if she wont go away.
I know I sound like a cold hearted bitch, but nothing is ever one sided, and he isnt here to defend himself. Its all well and good to say: “Kick him to the curb girlfriend!” but its not very objective.
The boyfriend has every right to like the game better than he likes his girlfriend: this dosen’t even mean he needs to “grow up” or anything. I prefer playing my computer games more than I enjoy the company of many people I know (hell, I prefer watching TV to spending time with some people I know) He might well like some other woman more than his game, and if so, he will stop playing to spend time with her.
On the other hand, it is immature for him to lie and waffle about which he prefers. And it is unhealthy for both of them to paly out this farce any further: they don’t share kids, a morgage, or a Terrible Secret, so they should both cut their losses and move on. There’s no point in issueing ultimatums or worrying about “fault”. They just aren’t a match, and luckily discovered it before they had the kids, the morgage, or the Terrible Secret.
All of this reminds me of my first marriage and the horror that was NHL hockey and Seattle Seahawks football. Once, as we were on our way to visit a friend in the hospital who was stabbed through the chest and nearly died, he saw that a Seahawks game was on TV (in a room we were passing). He stopped in the hallway and begged me to go home so he could watch the game. Sick fucker.
When I had my back surgery, he dropped me off at the hospital the day before (I had to be there a day early for tests) and he left at 2pm, wouldn’t even stay to keep me company. I found out later that he had hurried home to watch the NFL draft. He left me alone, terrified, and sobbing. For that.
I knew Allan was the man for me when I said “Oh my God- Mario LeMeuix has cancer!” and he said “Who?”
Sometimes people get sucked into things other then you, and when you ask for time, beg for time, and reason for time and still don’t get it, it’s time to leave. Allan is obsessive about playing his guitar, but he still always makes sure we have time together, as do I with my computer use. You can’t just block out the world all the time and expect real life people to put up with it.
Zette
Way I see it, even if he IS using computers as a way to ignore her, and if she’s unwelcome in his house, then she’s doing him a favor by kicking him to the curb. It’s a win-win situation.
Daniel
You know, I read this thread and the one thing that bothered me is this.
How is it absolutely unthinkable that a man would rather do something else than have sex when offered to him?
“oh yeah, we’ve done the “I want sex, i’m laying in bed naked about 4 feet from you” with him totally ignoring me a few times. It’s morning now, no call, no email. Each minute that passes by makes no boyfriend more and more of an attractive option…”
Now, I’m a man. I guarantee you that if my S/O was involved in some pastime she enjoys and I sprawled my ass out naked on the bed and expected her to come jump my bones, I would be sorely dissappointed about 2 times out of three. But that would be expected because women as we all know are not slaves to their sex organs like men are believed to be. If any man would rather read, work, play a game ect. rather than fuck… there’s obviously something wrong with them, right? Weird.
If he enjoys the company of a computer over the company of his SO, then he should gently break up with her. If not, she should have the courtesy to do it for him. That’s just my opinion.
And, FTR, I hate the fact that any woman who asks for attention is labeled a “nag.” I’ll admit, I don’t know the particulars of this situation. Maybe this is the ONLY time he’s ever done this (though that’s not the impression that I got). But when my SO pulled a similar stunt…I was pissed as all hell.
I should’ve just sat there all night and let him play? I had nowhere else to go–he lives in a different state, and he’s the only person I know there. I was staying in his house.
::sighs:: Sorry. Struck a nerve.
God, I used to think I was addicted to my computer when I used to stay up to all hours of the evening playing Civ and cruising the web.
looks at watch
Uhhhhh… well, anyway. 
But seriously, I don’t get on the computer until Laura is asleep. We both had our bouts of net addiction (me far more than her) and game addiction (me only), but it wasn’t that hard to figure out that more time for the game means less time for her which means a higher percentage of time fighting about not spending any time together. So why play if all your going to do is fight?
But then, I adore my wife and I feel guilty (what a wonderful emotion! If only more people felt more of it…) if I’m not paying attention to her because I’m on the computer. Now I just don’t get on while she is awake/at home.
Let me ask you, Lezlers: Do you think EQ is fulfilling some sort of social need for him (after all, he is playing with other people) or do you think it’s just about the game, building his character, yadda, yadda, yadda? I’m sure he talks about the game to you… does he say crap like “I’m almost to level 50 now… I hate rats… I need to find the Sword of Shit so I can beat the Dragon of Dung” or does he say “Dexter was pretty damn funny last night… MrZeus didn’t log on his usual time… I miss my old party - these people are just idiots”? If you want to fight this thing, knowing just what it is that draws him to the game is crucial to beating it.
I’m thinking it is a social need. I notice a lot of people on this thread mentioned that they were addicted to online games (I don’t know if Metal Gear Solid 2 is online or not) or that they knew someone addicted to them. I guess I was addicted to Civ back in 92-94, but then I always knew that I could save my game and resume it whenever I wish so “logging off” wasn’t that difficult. The persistant world aspect, coupled with the players knowing when their party is going to log on, seems to make disconnecting sooo much harder in online games.
I feel for you. Dump the guy, but do it in the worst possible way, the one way that will get his attention: get a copy of the game, find his party in EQ and then dump on him from inside the game and in full view of his party. Have fun! 
I don’t know if it’s as complex or melodramatic as a need to socialize, a desire to avoid the significant other, or any of that… it’s probably that the BF doesn’t want to feel like he “wasted all that time” building up his character, and EQ is designed such that one waits for an interminable period of time before one can actually do anything. This is, of course, quite intentional on the part of the designers, and what seperates MMORPGs from other games, since you can’t pause, reset, or save the game in order to preserve the accomplishments one has already made. The game is intentionally designed so that one is always “just a little ways away” from what seems like a significant milestone, but since it takes hours of real-world time to do so, it’s a problem.
(Plus, of course, there’s the fact that one can end up in situations where leaving the computer will mean the repetition of dozens of hours of utter tedium, or possibly the equivalent of losing the character entirely).
Anyway, I’d broach the subject, Lezlers, but I wouldn’t do it while he’s playing, and I’d be careful not to so quickly dismiss Everquest. It does NOT necessarily mean “he has more fun with the game than you”. Don’t look at it that way; that sort of “it’s either (insert hobby here) or me” nonsense is insulting to both your intelligence and his. If he’s at the point where I think he is, this “game” has become a significant part of his life… cutting himself off, even if ultimately benificial, will seem to him like he’s “wasted” all that time playing it. That isn’t true, of course, but the design of the game can certainly make it seem that way.