So, recent reasons to panic have reminded me that, well, there’s always time to panic, and we really should start right away, in order to get our money’s worth.
So, we’ve got the coming econocatastrophy, and we should all start hording guns, carloads of ammunition and canned goods, and plenty of water.
But, let’s fact facts, that isn’t all that novel. It’s not much different than what we should do in case of the coming zombiepocalypse, for example. We need to properly invest our Panic Bucks in our Panic Piggy Banks in order to maximize current terror and potential smugness, post terror, should you survive the various apocalypses.
Let’s face facts. The world is probably going to end tomorrow, and you may die.
Yep.
But, when you’re shown to be the one who predicted the means of humanity’s ultimate extermination, you’ll sooooooo get bragging rights.
So, place your votes on which are likely to be the cause, or consequence, of the coming End of the World!
[ol]
[li]Nuclear war with Russia.[/li][li]Nuclear war without Russia.[/li][li]Nuclear war and Russia is jealous that it wasn’t invited, so it just starts nuking folks.[/li][li]Genetically modified killer pets.[/li][li]Pets killing genetically modified cows.[/li][li]Cows eating other genetically modified cows.[/li][li]Nuclear power.[/li][li]Not having enough nuclear power to go Green.[/li][li]Nuclear weapons.[/li][li]Not enough nuclear weapons.[/li][li]Cthulu: not quite so dead anymore, feeling snackish.[/li][li]Econocatastrophy, Mad Max on Long Island. Horde guns, ammo, food, drugs.[/li][li]Zombiepocalypse. And Max Brooks was -wrong-.[/li][li]The Ozone (anybody remember that one?)[/li][li]The Whales not having been saved.[/li][li]Whales not doing enough saving and maxing out credit debt.[/li][li]The entire whale financial market crumbling.[/li][li]Transfat.[/li][li]Intransitive fat.[/li][li]Accusative fat.[/li][li]Ablative fat.[/li][li]Liberals.[/li][li]Democrats.[/li][li]Republicans.[/li][li]Conservatives.[/li][li]People who aren’t you.[/li][li]People who aren’t like you.[/li][li]People who are like you.[/li][li]People who’d like to be like you.[/li][li]Clubs that would have you as a member.[/li][li]Clubs that won’t have you as a member.[/li][li]B movies.[/li][li]Uwe Boll.[/li][li]Spielberg, Lucas: Jarjar and nuking the fridge.[/li][li]Hollywood.[/li][li]Fox News.[/li][li]Gangsta rap.[/li][li]Hanna Montana.[/li][li]Britney Spears.[/li][li]AIDS.[/li][li]Cancer.[/li][li]Mass UFO abductions.[/li][li]Peak Oil.[/li][li]Trough oil.[/li][li]Killer bees.[/li][li]American culture.[/li][li]un-American culture.[/li][li]anti-American culture.[/li][li]Culture.[/li][li]Americans.[/li][li]Overfishing our oceans.[/li][li]Eating meat.[/li][li]Driving up the demand so high on some grains that food is prohibitively expensive.[/li][li]Fast food.[/li][li]Not getting the family together to eat a prepared dinner, with everybody sitting together at the table for the meal.[/li][/ol]
Have I forgotten anything?
So teeming millions, what’s your preferred type of End Times Panic and Funtime Jamboree?
Just think how proud you’ll be, once the robots rise up and enslave humanity, to point out to your fellow slaves, that you had pointed out just such a scenario as a write in, on the Straight Dope Message Board, long before humanity fell to the robot hordes.