I am positively thinking about maybe being a private eye. Anyone got any suggestions on how I get started?
Move to a large city, rent some office space with a frosted glass window and paint an eye on it. Then write your name below, like this: aha, P.I..
These simple steps should drum up 99% of your business.
Wait - don’t forget the wise-cracking secretary/receptionist with the big hair and the stiletto heels. And gum.
Oh, and quiet shoes. For you, not the secretary.
As long as you are thinking positively instead of negatively, you’ll do just fine.
Get a copy of “Net Detective”, that should give you all the investigatory tools you’ll need. :rolleyes:
and Gazelle, you misspelled that. It should read “**Hoo Ha, PI. **”, lest the teeming few not recognize him right off.
And shouldn’t I be suspicious of everyone or something? And carry a ghat? And what is the going rate I should charge someone to private eye another person they are wanting private eyed?
You need an old, ratty coat, and a banged up fedora as well.
As for rates, it depends on if it’s a broad or a man, and if it’s a broad, whether she could be further classified as a dame.
Get yourself a set of big binoculars and a 1973 Plymouth. (Any model.) Park it about 1/2 block away from another car and follow it around everywhere for several weeks until the driver is desensitized to your following them.
Hang around in smoky nightclubs and make the acquaintance of blonde lounge singers. They’re always in need of a PI.
For your name, I vote for A. H. A. Lastname.
Charge them $100 more than they can come up with, and insist on them owing you a favor in lieu of the rest of the payment. It will come in handy later on.
And don’t forget the bourbon. Lots and lots of bourbon, rot gut quality.
Boyoboy, a Ghat would be pretty heavy. So would these. Decorative, though. 
My mom once worked for one many years ago. He had one accessory I’d like to recommend for those tougher cases, or tougher clients. It was a large rubber stamp for use on particular documents - “Fuck You, Strong Letter To Follow”. 
And she must have great gams and be of questionable virtue.