I've been fucked by an "America's Dumbest Criminals" candidate

When I was much younger (and apparently much stupider) someone once broke into my car. They didn’t have to exert much effort as I had oh-so-helpfully left the keys in it and the doors unlocked. All they took was a mini cassette recorder and some cash I had in the glove compartment.

They left the car itself. :eek:

As long as we are trading war stories…

A friend of mine had a passenger DOOR stolen from his car; left this great big gaping hole there…never touched his stereo.

Until a couple of weeks later when they or someone else broke into his car and took the stereo. They just yanked it out, tearing all sorts of wiring doing it. Rick spent a week re-wiring his dash. He picked me up and we went cruising 8th Street, ending up at the A&W. We ordered, and he turned on the radio…

…and the windshield wipers started bouncing up and down.
I don’t know who was laughing harder, him or I…

Makes me chuckle even now, 30 years later…

I feel your pain. Last Friday night some fucker slit through the fabric roof of my car arround the rear window, wormed in and over the drivers seat, rifled the side pockets of my car and managed to steal
1 Pocket Knife (about $30)
1 dollar of parking change
and the remote control thingy for my car sterio (absolutely useless to anyone else)

The dammage will cost at least $700 to fix
Fuckity Fuckity Fuck Fuck.

Bippy

Thanks, Tristan; my hands hurt just THINKING about that story. Ow!

I had a housemate once whose car was broken into. They stole his $200 pair of running shoes, which was pretty awful.

But they weren’t total assholes. To make up for the theft, they left him a pair of shitty old sneakers.

Although I didn’t tell him, I was pretty amused.

Daniel

My truck was broken into a few years ago. They apparently tried to remove the radio (a Kenwood model that “hides” by rotating the faceplate to look like a blank panel), but only managed to remove the plastic bit around it, which I just snapped back into place. Not that it would have done them any good, the radio disables itself when it’s disconnected from the battery; it takes a 4-digit code to get it working again.

What they took: two rolls of quarters I had in the compartment in my armrest. I’d picked them up the previous day for laundry and forgot to bring them inside.

What they left: Besides the radio, they left the CDs in my armrest (I guess they thought there wouldn’t be anything they’d like, since Andrea Bocelli was on top). They also left my radar detector, a $350 Valentine One, protected by nothing more than suction cups. That one really puzzles me.

I had a friend in high school whose car was stolen out of the school parking lot. (This was shortly before they installed the high-powered sercurity cameras.) It was a mid-80s Buick LeSabre, shit brown. (Mighty nice, huh?) Her grandparents offered to buy her a new car if it wasn’t found within a month.

Two days before the month was up, the FBI knocked on her door. The car had been used in a bank robbery and then just abandoned.

So she got her car back. She cried. She really wanted a new car.

No, Sir, we found the Jade Monkey. It was in the glove compartment.

Some idjits just like to damage things. My brother’s Porsche was broken into once but he didn’t find anything stolen. Not even any of the the couple hundred dollars’ worth of computer equipment.

Max Torque isn’t it kind of insulting when they don’t take your CD’s, like isn’t my music taste good enough for them or something, don’t they think they would be able to sell them.

AotL

OK I get the part where the guy is a criminal but tell us about the sex!

I’m just curious… if you’re going to put a trumpet against your anus and bust ass, is it still necessary to pucker those lips?

Does this make it a buttwind instrument?

If you’ll perform the feat for us whilst employing one of those mute cups at the other end, I’ll throw dollars in your direction. Be shure and wipe the mouthpiece off with your sleeve before you let someone else play.

Sorry about your dimes. I like dimes.

lieu, in case you don’t see my comment elsewhere, that’s a mighty appropriate location. “Outside the box” indeed.
:slight_smile:

Absolutely. I, myself, would pay upwards of $5 to see that. I think you have a new career. :smiley:

For the record, this absolutely does suck. I had vandals smash in one of my car windows once. The was a 10 year old Nissan Sentra, rusted out. Not exactly the sort of car that would scream “vandalize me.”

Turned out well enough, though. It was in the dead of summer, so the loss of a driver’s side window for the day it took me to replace it was not a problem. In fact, nobody noticed it was gone until I pointed it out. That was money I really would have like to have spent elsewhere, though.

That’s what I told her. But she was still upset - it’d taken her several months to find the pillowcases to match her sheets.

In fact, she was more upset that they took her pillowcases. She said, and I quote, “If they were going to rob me, they could have taken the items worth money!”

I believe she and her family still got something like $1000.00 from the insurance company. Not bad for pillowcases, useless speakers (when they took the computer speakers, they just tore them out…thus tearing the wires), and some CDs. Oh, and repairs to the door/window.

Oh fuck you have a contour? I pity the fool who has to put that handel in. They are good cars but damn the door linkage is a pain to work with.

Sorry for such a crappy thing happening to you.

at least they caught the dumb bastard.

Snookie heard the sound of breaking glass one night, looked out and saw a guy having broken the passenger side window of his (snookies’) truck, but then the guy seemed to look around inside, seen there was nothing to steal and walked off.

Snookie called the cops. told ‘em. meanwhile, brainiac, comes back to Snookies’ truck, only approaches it from the other side! oh look! another truck!

breaks the drivers’ side window, searches around finds nothing (still) and wanders off. Police caught him half a block away, stoned to the max.

Snookie had to drive home w/both windows broken out. :mad:

Twenty years ago I had a friend who was always telling me about this guy who had “hot” merchandise for sale and this is where my friend bought all his stereo equipment.

Then one day HIS stereo was stolen from HIS car and he didn’t seem to see the irony not even when he went to his connection for hot goods there was my friends stereo among the goods this clown had for sale.

BTW my friend was at the time 270 and 6’ 7" he got his stuff back without paying and as far as I know he never dealt with that guy again.

I’ve been robbed twice; once they broke the window on my (brand new at the time) car, which took $250 to repair. Total haul: one $10 pair sunglasses, plus gym bag with $1 flip-flops and mildewed swimsuit. I was pissed.

Burglarized once: they did get some valuable stuff (my guitar, boom box, telephone - it was a cordless, back when they were new and expensive - and all my rings from my jewelry box. I was more pissed about the rings than anything; a couple of them were antiques given to me by my grandparents, and even if I’d had insurance for them (I didn’t, being 21 and stupid at the time), they were irreplaceable.

The weird part, though: the burglar left all the rest of my jewelry, which was in the same box - why didn’t he just take the whole box? It wasn’t that big, and hell, he was already carrying my guitar, which wasn’t a fancy one or anything, and my boombox? He left the gold chain which was lying right there in the box, and a bunch of other stuff that was more valuable than most of the cheapo silver rings I had. He also stole my laundry quarters, half a box of condoms, and a roll of toilet paper. Oh, and apparently took a shower in my bathroom. Definitely not a full set of wiring upstairs, if you ask me.

Sympathy, Angel, as well as kudos for the rant.

My apartment was broken into a number of years ago. I didn’t even realize until I went to make dinner and saw that the freezer was empty. I truly figured, well, if someone needs to steal to eat, I guess I can forgive that…

But then I looked around more carefully and realized the thieves had also taken a little jar full of quarters I had been saving for laundry use, a fake diamond ring, and best of all, they had taken my records – but apparently had had time to go through and pick and choose, because every single rock album was gone, while every single country record was left behind. The theft didn’t frost my cookies nearly as much as knowing he/she/they must have sat on the floor choosing records for an hour!

And the maps and ice-scraper?