i've been trying really hard, but i just can't seem to get fired

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

really.

i feel like i’m george costanza stuck in some evil, looping nightmare.

i work in this bar that i hate with a passion, and i’ve been slacking off for like two and a half months now, pawning tasks off on co-workers, hitting on customers, standing around doing nothing 'cept twiddling thumbs in front of bosses, stealing shit (and obviously, not even trying to be lo-pro) from the kitchen, accepting drinks from patrons, coming in still high or drunk from the night and/or day before, (each of which should’ve got me fired on the spot at least a dozen times!!)

i’ve tried showing up to work unshaven (a big no-no at my workplace, that apparently applies to all but me – i’ve seen two guys get canned on the spot for excessive stubble in the past five months)

i’ve tried showing up late, late & unshaven, late, unshaven & high.

i even called in “out of town” for our supposedly two busiest weekends of the year, with only three days notice – xmas & new years (i really was out of town, but one of my co-workers tried the same deal and was canned a couple days ago when he got back.)

yet i’m scheduled to work again this weekend, and for the next three weeks, which is as far into the future as the sched goes.

and i don’t know the bosses, any of them, from anywhere, before i got hired. nor do i deal with any of them beyond sched & sop issues.

and this is supposed to be some high-end, classy type joint. maybe i entertain the clientele too much or something. i’m certainly not getting high marks from my co-workers, most of whom i get along with ok outside of work (we all live in the same neighbourhood, and a couple of have gone to school together,) but by no means am i getting glowing reviews from them.

i’m not yet tempted to start fires or anything, but i’m starting to wonder what it’ll take, y’know.

if this keeps up, i may be here until i retire.

2

Uhh… why don’t you just quit?

3

Try this: give notice, do a decent job until the notice is up, then leave. It’s an improvement on your tactics thus far in that it involves honest, ethical behavior that doesn’t harm other people, and it will sever your relationship with the job. The downside is the loss of possible unemployment benefits, but they’re not in your future anyway if you’re fired for cause and your employer decides to contest it.

Consider also that management may not have acted yet because they are waiting to compile enough documented instances of misbehavior to do something worse than simply dismissing you, both as a caution to others and because they are genuinely angry at your frankly asinine and criminal behavior. Consider also that as you keep this up, you are losing friends and throwing away any future job controlled by anyone who knows, first-, second-, or umpteenth-hand, about this.

4

shit. sorry, the op was incomplete, and submitted early by mistake. (and now this is a second try at a follow-up post, all of which is due to a mouse being dropped on a keyboard two different times for two different reasons… don’t ask.)

what i had intended here was a collection of work/client/-gossip stories, filling out the however maybe characters that it would take to make a decently amusing thread, taking place, of course, as outlined, in a bar.

so if it’s something you’re all up for, the op has “phil, the dude who wants to get fired” but not quite why or where… or whom else… yet.

…

5

I got pissed at my last job, put in two weeks’ notice, they talked me out of quitting and promised I would be treated better. They gave me a better schedule but started finding new ways to try to take advantage of me or otherwise drive me insane. When I started having heart palpitations and severe chest pain from my anxiety such that I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown every day at work, I finally just had to leave and told my immediate supervisor I just wasn’t going to come back, and I quit. If I told my managers I wasn’t coming back/quitting, they’d have just tried to talk me into staying again with empty promises that things would be better, and I have a very difficult time arguing/saying no to people – and they knew it.

One of the managers had the supervisor (who they knew I got along with) call me last night… to be sure I had really quit, so they’d know to close out my file or not. Nevermind I haven’t shown up there in two weeks, with nary a phone call or communication. No, what is really was, was another window to try to talk me into going back. Because the female boss there is such a harpy that since she came back from medical leave a month ago, probably 1/5th of the staff has left with more on the way out. Screw that. I see them on my caller ID and my chest just tightens up to read “WORK” on the little screen. I don’t take their calls.

Sometimes it seems like the only way to really get out of a crappy job is to go out in a blaze of glory. I’m not that brave. :frowning: