Obama’s Best Labrador?
Could be all the head-meets-door moments. 
I had a black Labrador once. Incredibly sweet dog, but her fur color was false advertising. She was a blonde.
Her ditzy moments included having to be physically restrained when out duck hunting to keep her from retrieving the decoys. When we went to a lake, she’d keep trying to retrieve ME out of the water (I was grade-school-age at the time).
My Clarissa, May she rest in peace and bark in glory, tended to forget that eating bees led to a nasty allergic sting …I think we were on the road to getting her a canine epiPen, if such things existed.
And the Shih-tzu, a rescue from an Amish puppy mill just now (one year later) understands the concept of outdoor elimination. She manages to miss the emergency pad by two inches. Every. Single. Time.
I’ve got the opposite problem. My dogs are far smarter than they let on. I surprised them one day in the back room and caught them shooting craps for dog treats.
My dogs and ‘fetch’. “If you want the ball so bad, why do you keep throwing it away? Sheessss”. My dogs think I’m the moron. They might be right.
I think my cat is smarter than y’all’s dogs. Last night I put a piece of kibble under a large upside-down cardboard box. My cat had no trouble extracting it (I didn’t show him the process of putting the kibble under there–he found it after he was done eating dinner).
He also can extract kibble from a pill bottle with a hole drilled in the top, mounted so that the bottle spins on a horizontal wire. He figured out how to rotate the pill bottle by slapping it until the kibble falls out the hole. (I built the device for him as a puzzle feeder.)
I need to think of new ways to challenge him. I’m thinking of filling a box with shredded paper and hiding kibble in the bottom.
Our dogs just don’t know how to dog. And yes, the old one is a retriever mix.
A little over a week ago, I dropped a Frito under my desk. I was away for two days having surgery, and when I got back home, the Frito was still there, not two feet away from where the big golden dingbat sleeps during the day.
So they don’t do anything, they screw things up, lack intellegence, and yet you pay for their room, their board, their medical bills, their toys, clean up their waste and spend large parts of your day with them and give them all your love.
And you call THEM morons? 
I’d say they are pretty darn shrewd
I got a dog who likes to catch bumblebees.
He did get stung once, but not from the inside of his mouth. That somehow has never happened.
His big sister is part Border Collie and is devious. I’ll give them hide strips to chew on. She’ll chew hers up right away. He’ll carry his around and suck on it and otherwise leave it by his head while he’s resting. She’ll go outside and start barking. He’ll perk up, run outside, and bark along with her. Then she’ll saunter back inside and steal his hide strip.
Still haven’t figured out why my dog will go out searching for specific rocks and then eat them.
Also, do you know that story about how dogs are smarter than cats because when you push a dog off your lap a couple times they won’t come back? Well, not my chihuahua. She’s also the first dog we’ve ever had that can’t figure out what “sit” means, even to get a treat.
They’re the most highly evolved parasites on the planet.