I've come to the sad conclusion that my dogs are morons.

It’s stinkbug season here in the heartland, and they all seem determined to find their way inside my home. I have finally figured out the best way to dispatch them with minimal “stink” (quickly scooping them up in a wad of toilet paper and flushing it posthaste), but my dogs are determined instead to befriend each one.

They open with a friendly nuzzle, hoping that this time will be different, but end up with a snoot full of evil stench every time. Unfortunately, the smell fills the room faster than a rotten fart, so we all suffer for their short-term memory loss.

It happens every time, guys. If you can remember how to do a high-five and that pooping happens outside, you can remember this. :smack:

They’ve requested to remain anonymous on this forum, so please accept this photo of a lovely golden retriever instead.

Do your dogs seem as distressed by the smell as you are? Maybe they like it and are intentionally “setting off” those stinkbugs.

So much for Pavlov.

My dogs are also morons. I share your pain. One routinely forgets where the backdoor is. You know, the one he just used to leave the house. He’ll run right by it when I call him, stop, look around all confused then zoom back. He wants to come in. He just can’t remember how. :smack:

The other has a career highlighted by things like trying to play with the bull next door and running up to the farmer who was trying to shoot him with a gun. His stupidity saved his life though. She said he was so obviously not trying to hurt anything that she couldn’t shoot him. :smack:

The door story made me laugh out loud. :smiley:

And Little Nemo, I hadn’t even thought of that. These are animals who stick their noses up each others butts and inhale deeply, so a stinkbug is probably an olfactory treat. Who’s the moron now, eh?

Cats are Einsteins compared to these bitches.

I believe all that blow he’s snorting is affecting his sense of smell.

Retrievers huh, you have my deepest sympathies. My previous neighbor would continuously apologize to me whenever we had a backyard chat while his two puppies (they were almost 3 at the time) would mouth both my hands and arms up to the elbows and cover my shoes with drool. I liked the dogs but always needed a shower after their “greeting”. The neighbor would take the dogs to a nearby farm pond and practice retrieval with dummy birds. This would go well until the farmers pet geese and swans would run the dogs off.

I had a dog like this who’d get hopelessly lost in the front yard.

Apropos of stinkbugs, I had a small spaniel who repeatedly scarfed up toads and would not drop them despite the undoubtedly evil taste.

“Whatcha got there, Bubba?”


“Put it down!”

Eventually I’d pry his jaws open and a wet, discouraged toad would fall out.

Seems appropos.

shakes fist at Tamerlane

I was about to post that. (Make sure to read the story about moving with the stupid dog, too.)

When I was a kid, we had a dog that I’m pretty sure was well within the canine range for stupid. A real sweet dog but dumb as a rock.

You couldn’t play fetch with her. Because when you threw the ball, she’d eagerly run for it. But by the time she got to the ball, she’d forget why she was running. So she’d run right past the ball and keep on running. We’d have to yell for her to come back before she got too far away.

I had a golden/Chow mix that loved snow. Really, really loved snow. She loved snow so much, she would lie down in the yard and let the snow cover her up. Then when you called her to come inside, you would see one of the snow mounds stand up, shake itself, and amble back towards the house

These stories are making my day. :smiley:

Good stuff, I forwarded that to the other owners from my pup’s litter.

My chocolate lab is seven months now and still has lots of puppy in him. He does this weird thing when he gets real excited, he’ll drop his butt down low and run around in circles, grass flying up in the air as he tries to accelerate and corner hard at the same time. One thing that makes him excited like that is when I throw him a toy in the yard, so he starts tearing around in circles with butt low but in that position he can’t bend over far enough to actually pick up the toy, so he just keeps doing donuts around it.

I’m hoping to teach him to be a bird dog someday but going out to retrieve and doing a bunch of donuts around whatever I shoot ain’t going to cut it.

Y’all beat me to those awesome stories, but I get to post this picture!

Excellent OP and topic.

In dog terms I’ve seen far more moronic. I once dog sat for some friends. One of their dogs made yours look reasonably smart. While a mutt he showed a lot of characterstics of an Irish wolfhound. He was big and dumb.

The screen door from their house regularly met his head at velocity. Open the inside door without a hand on his collar and he’d bash right in to it and then look around as if to ask “Who put that there?” If you made a loud noise or distracted him while he was eating he could forget that there was food in a dish in front of him. If you called his attention back to the food he’d get the surprised and happy “oooh time to eat” look and start chowing down.

I swear his long term memory was measured in milliseconds.

When OBL was built up in Heaven, it’s quite obvious he was built from the back. He was always happy, as evidenced by the extra waggly tail they gave him. He loved to run, as evidenced by the untiring leg muscles. Then they gave him an extra big heart to love, along with a big, wet, sloppy tongue to give lots & lots (& lots) of kisses. All great qualities to have in a dog; however, in overstuffing him with all of these wonderful things, they ran out of room when when they got to the brain cavity - it was just a cavity. :o

The ex called him Dumber than Shit; I never argued that name either.

OBL…Osama bin laden?? :0