I’m addicted. It’s pretty much a given. I spend more time on here than any sane person ever should. I am clearly not sane, so it doesn’t really bother me all that much.
But I figured out why I’m addicted. It all seemed to come together tonight. It’s a combination of a few things.
The intelligence of the posters on the board. Well, for the most part. Sure, we get the trolls. Sure, we get the close minded fools. Sure we get the penis jokes and the FUCKITY FUCK FUCK. Heck, even I do that. But most people on here are here to discuss, to share, to argue and to fight ignorance in whatever way they can. The SDMB has, without a doubt, the most intelligent group of posters on the net.
I love to write I can type at close to 70 WPM (though a lot slower on this stupid laptop). When I really get into a groove, I can just flow along at close to the speed of thought. I love influencing people in small ways. Whether it’s to make them laugh or cry through my writing, or see things in a new perspective that they’d never thought of before. I write to help clear my mind, why not help do the same for others?
I fear rejection Sounds like an odd one, huh? I don’t want to hear “Let’s just be friends.” I don’t want to hear “You’re not what we’re looking for in a potential employee.” Worst of all, I don’t want to hear “I’m sorry, but this story isn’t what we’re looking for right now.” I’ll work my way past that last one soon. I have to, if I have any hope of breaking into the field of writing professionally.
So there are good things to this board. The fellow posters. The posts I read, and the people who quote me or comment about my posts. Good or bad comments, I love them. You read it. I made a difference.
But the other side of me, the evil side, is saying “This is a cop out.” There are moderators here, sure, but there are no editors. No one stops me from posting any fool thing I want to (including this post). There’s no sign that says “you must be this intelligent to post.” I press a button and POOF! I’ve just posted. Where’s the challenge in that?
I certainly don’t want to give up the SDMB. And I don’t think that a lone editor at a single magazine saying I’m not good enough will destroy my entire self worth. But the SDMB offers no rejection. It offers instant gratification. How can I learn to overcome my fear, when all I’m doing is constantly avoiding it?