I should have noted; I saw my talk therapist for several(somewhere between five & seven) 45 min. sessions before she suggested that I try visiting a psychiatrist.
When I started on Paxil, I felt sick, jittery and drowsy. Yes, it sucked, but it only lasted four or five days. In my opinion this is the single most important thing about side effects: they are often very short lived. If no one tells you that, then you’ll feel like jacking it in at the earliest opportunity.
When the side effect died down, I felt like Tansu, instead of like vermin that needed killing. I knew damn well that “vermin that needed killing” was NOT me.
Never mind “conforming to society”, I didn’t find that self loathing and suicidal self directed rage as a response to small setbacks and percieved failings confromed to my own internally generated ideas about who I was.
And you don’t have to be on it, or any SSRI for life. It’s perfectly possible to reduce the dose, then taper it off when you’re ready. I’ve done it before.
even sven, I’ve been on a variety of anti-depressants for 11 years now, and have NEVER had side effects like you’re describing. I would suggest getting yourself back to your doctor; either your dose is too high for your needs, or this medication is not right for you. The doctor did start you on a low dosage and is working your way up to the medicinal dosage, right? Please don’t give up on this; when you get the medicine and the dosage that works for your condition, you’ll feel nothing but normal.
(Just for the record, I don’t see depression/anxiety/anti-depressant prescribing as a conspiracy against women. I DO think it says a lot about modern life, however.)
Celexa can make you jittery, I know that much. If your symptoms are outside what your pharmacy insert tells you are “normal” then call your doctor, if not, then they might be alleviated by when you take the medicine. Try taking it just before bed. Or a few hours before you go to bed.
But honestly, it sounds like you have issues with your treatment. If you feel that strongly about the use of pharmaceuticals for your depression, I don’t know what we can say that will make you feel better.
And I have to tell you, I think you’re dead wrong when you say the medical community feels the libido thing is a non-issue. For some people, sure, they want to feel better more than they want to have sex, but I know my doctor treats this as a very serious side effect. He doesn’t want me to get better only to have marital problems due to lack of intimacy. He said we’d have 2-3 options to deal with libido, when and if I determined it was a problem.
When I was in college, I suffered from dysthymic depression (now in remission). It took my sister being hospitalized (partly for depression) to realize that this wasn’t something I could ignore anymore. I had always been wary of medication, but seeing my sister hospitalized drove home the point that this wasn’t going to get better on its own. It’s a chemical issue in your brain, and there’s no shame in taking medicine to make yourself better. Looking at it from a medical perspective… rarely does someone get diagnosed with a form of treatable cancer and say, “Nah, I’d rather not worry about the side effects.” They take the medicine.
Anyhow… it took me three different antidepressants until we found one that really worked (Zoloft didn’t quite do it, Serzone made me feel like a drunk zombie, but Prozac did the job.) There were a few side effects that lessened, the longer I took it. In the end, I was on antidepressants for about three years (I also saw a wonderful therapist for about that long), and now I feel completely fine, drug-free. Sometimes just need that extra boost to allow us to handle life while we deal with all the other issues that aggravate the problem. If Celexa bothered you, try another medicine. If you need to wait a few weeks until you have a break from classes to take a new med, so be it. I would highly recommend seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist, if necessary. People who have had chronic or dysthymic depression (dysthymic depression is kind of like manic depression without the highs… you have mild to severe depression, in waves… I digress) think that they’re destined to lead miserable lives. It doesn’t have to be that way. I might not be Ms. Merry Sunshine, but I feel a lot better about life in general since I’ve healed my brain and my soul. 
Well I didn’t take it again today. I woke up at four AM completely panicky and jittered out. It took me hours to get back to sleep. I have sutt I need to do that I need to be awake and not freaked out of my mind for. It just feels so wrong to have that stuff in my body.
I talked to a therapist today. He said he couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t want to take the drugs, and that I should go see a psychiatrist so that they can convince me to take drugs (I’m already scheduled to see one next Friday). And then he said I sounded highly functional and that he didn’t know what to do except recommend that I exersise more. Overall, I think he seemed a little dubious of the value of therapy for me. He was pretty unenthusiastic about the idea of me coming back to see him, although he said I could if I thought it would help.
Wierd.
On the bright side, today has been really good…I’m a little disappointed that all this therapy and stuff that I’ve heard so much good stuff about isn’t really all that helpful. Mostly the people I talk to seem to feel sorry for me, and then reccommend drugs.
If you want help for your depression you are going to have to accept that there will be some sacrifices before it’s all over.
FORGET what everyone has told you about what drug ab or c has done to THEM. Everyone is different. STOP freaking out.
Separate yourself and YOUR DEPRESSION from your SOAPBOX about women’s issues. Now is not that time to fixate on something else to be pissed off about.
You are going to have to work on being content with NOT being upset about SOMETHING.
Stop focusing so much on YOURSELF, YOUR BODY, AND IT’S REACTIONS!!
You need to pickl yourself up and move on.
You’re symptoms that you just described are real, I believe you, and despite my harsh tone, I DO empathize. But you have a long way to go. Dont’ freak yourself out after only your first pill–you’ll need that energy to deal with the things that come up in counseling.
I hope you do well–make sure MD deals with your anxiety AND your depression!!
even sven, I refuse to take anti-depressants for the same reasons you described in your OP. I’ve struggled with some serious mental problems on my own off and on since I was 15 (I’m 22). I’m not so much concerned with it messing up my creative ability (though I have heard such stories) as I am of just not being dependent on medications to function properly and seem like a normal person. For me it is an ongoing test of willpower. I have good days, I have bad days. I also have people that help me through the bad days.
I think sometimes we’re too quick to look to drugs for the answer, and while I’m sure they’ve worked for the people that mentioned them above, it’s just not my thing. Obviously if you’re getting suicidal you need some kind of outlet or therapy, but you might even find regular therapy or visits to a psychiatrist will help. Or, like me, you may be able to pull through it on your own with the help of friends. The one time I was admitted to see couselors, the first words out of my mouth were “I’m not taking any drugs,” and though I didn’t go for long, they respected my decision.
Anyway, if you want to talk about it with someone on the other side of the fence, feel free to look up my contact info on my website (I think it’s in my profile too). I have AIM and ICQ both.
Well, I have been sufferring from depression since I was about 15, I am 31. I did the same thing you did for a good number of years. Until I finally went into major depression. I dealt with it by myself and with friends until I finally could no longer deal with it with out some help. When I got really bad it happened rather quickly and I shut myself off from the world. If my friends and parents had not come to my rescue I’d be dead. (And I am not making this up. I remember sitting in the bathtub wondering which way was the best to cut my wrists)
The point I am trying to make is that depression and other mental illnesses tend to become worse over time. Please do not discard medication out of hand due to a ‘test of will power’. Regrettably brain chemistry does not give a whit about your will power. If you do you could very well end up like me, hiding in the closet everytime the phone rang and wishing to die all the time.
I hope you both get better and feel free to IM me at sleethestak on AIM. AS the tee-shirt says: been there, done that.
Slee
With great respect, let me suggest that one of the first issues for exploration in therapy should be why an intelligent woman (not a child) would ask anonymous people on an electronic message board if she should take her psychotropic meds for a condition that, by your own admission, has had a profoundly negative bearing on your entire life. One minute, you’re railing on behalf of women around the world. Next, you’re asking others what you should do. These are issues for therapy, not for strangers to opine on.
Second (not that you should take advice from non-experts on a message board), consider “firing” your therapist. You apparently told him you are suffering from major depression and that you are barely functioning. He counters by saying you seem “high functioning” and he cannot think of how therapy might benefit you. Either you are distorting his message (more likely) or you have the world’s most incompetent therapist.
Third, I hear many college students and young adults express their fear of taking “artificial substances” (i.e. psychotropic meds) because they fear the meds will play hell with their body chemistries and change “who they really are.” These are the same adults, by and large, who frequently experiment with dangerous psychoactive substances and ingest tremendous quantities of alcohol. For better or for worse, the use of chemical compounds to change thoughts, feelings, and outlooks is central to college life. At least the latter offers therapeutic benefit and might give you a chance at a happy, productive life. (I am not suggesting that you personally use illicit drugs.)
Properly administered, psychotropic meds do not change your values, your beliefs, your IQ, your sensitivity, your compassion, your personal philosophy, your spiritualism, your politics, your religion, your family, your support system, or other attributes. And while many people believe these meds might dull their creativity (a common complaint among bipolar patients who, incidentally, are often in no condition to offer objective analysis), the more likely fact is that were said mentally ill people properly medicated, they would feel much better and thus their productivity and creativity would soar. Their is good literature and research on this very topic. Do you really believe Hemingway’s or Proust’s severe depression were responsible for their creative genius? If so, you have a fundamental misunderstanding of what depression is all about. It is not a creative force. Instead, it robs genius.
Your choice appears to be one of enduring a life of profound depression or trying a new path. It seems reasonable to TRY something different and see where it takes you. But to constantly swat down good ideas (and hope itself) only points to a larger issue. I would recommend seeing another therapist–one more attuned to women’s issues and one in which you feel safe to discuss your issues honestly and deeply.
You’re a smart woman. Best of luck.
Thanks, but for the last couple of years I have been much, much better than I used to be. Most of my problems now stem from anxiety and stress caused by outside sources, which I’ve already taken measures to reduce and eliminate… so I’m doing pretty well.
Well said, TSUNAMISURFER!