What about people that don’t really like chocolate but do rather like eating rabbit? Can I just eat the Easter Bunny instead? Or perhaps could we have a mechanical chocolate gopher deliver Lapin ala Mutard as an aletrnative to the chocolate? Maybe some of the allergic to chocolate crowd could also be appeased by this.
Okay, there’s just something I want to know. These chocolates, will they be in wrappers? Because I don’t want to get chocolate all over my pillow (But I sleep with two pillows so do I get two chocolates?). And if they do have wrappers, will companies like Pepsi and Nike and EasterBunnies Inc. be able to advertise on them?
Also, doesn’t your idea take away from the specialness of advent calendars in december? Because if you’re already getting chocolate daily anyway, what’s the point of advent calendars in December? And what do you intend to do for all the poor advent calendar factory workers that are going to be out of work?
You are all ignoring a basic tenent of Easter bunny-dom, which will take care of the allergic to chocolate issue: Bunnies also deliver Jelly Beans to nestle the chocolate eggs in. So, the Chocolate-Impaired can ‘eat the garnish’, as it were!
Sorry to rain on your Easter parade, but studies conducted over the course of the past 20 years have conclusively shown the “Easter Bunny” (or “Passover Rodent” as some call him") does not exist. While I’m sure many of the apostles of Chocolatebunnylandism will find it necessary to reject these findings, I must in good conscience report them to the public.
Observation: After secret extensive video surveillance in 100,000 American homes in cooperation with the CIA, FBI, NSA, and Fruit Grower’s Association of America, not a single picture of the bunny was captured. Mysterious nocturnal activities previously attributed to the aforementioned rabbit were decisively shown to be the work of adult humans. However, it was not within the scope of the experiment to determine if these humans were being coerced outside their homes into carrying out the will of wascally wabbits.
Experiment #1: In an attempt to understand the theoretical rabbit-human coercion, a double-blind study was conducted with 300 human test subjects who had volunteered to stay at our “Nude Bunny Resort” in Tampa, FL. Subjects were exposed to various levels of rabbit interaction, ranging from casual “petting zoo” contact to the intense “Bunny Flood”. After re-release into normal society, subjects had an increased chance mental illness and were more likely to file lawsuits, but no correlation to Easter bunny-like action could be drawn.
Experiment #2: Since in all possibility, the Easter bunny in question could be a separate species, and not your normal Lepus, an exhaustive wildlife study was commenced. Hunters in all fifty states concentrated their efforts on capturing the unknown variety of hare, dead or alive. While a large number of rabbits were eliminated, with the result of the extinction of 12 predator species, no differentiation of species could be found.
Experiment #3: Having eliminated Earthly possibilities, it was thought that perhaps some great, cosmic Bunny Being might be influencing our poor populace. First, to see if bunnies could survive in space, experimental rabbits were then shot into orbit under controlled circumstances. It was shown that weightless rabbits tend to “vomit violently and continuously”, and rabbits explode in a vacuum.
Thinking again that this might be a special breed of intergalactic rabbit, Shuttle astronauts were given instructions to be on the lookout for any signs in space that might indicate rabbit activity, whether it be droppings, fur, fuzzy tails, or chocolate. While the faithful believe that a “giant unseen paw” wiped Challenger from the sky, engineers are certain the disaster was caused by o-rings, and these o-rings were not gnawed upon. Subsequent shuttle missions have revealled no external bunny observations, with the exception of the results of the vacuum experiment.
Conclusions: Given that there is significant evidence of the non-existence of said bunny, it is my findings that we should distribute chocolate in a non-bunny related fashion. The continued denial of chocolate to non-bunny believers is a gross violation of the separation of Church and Confectionary, and must be brought to a swift halt.
mrblue92:
Cite, please. Before accepting your data, I would need to review the methodology of these supposed studies.
I mean, really. You’re trying to tell us there is no Easter Bunny? I suppose that next you’ll say there’s no Tooth Fairy, either! :rolleyes:
In the interests of National Security and public safety, government agencies have been ordered to withhold detailed information regarding the exact nature of these controversial experiments. Private analysts vary widely in their speculations. Some believe the CIA has been developing a more addictive chocolate to be sold in inner cities. Others think the Pentagon is developing top secret Intercontinental Chocolate Delivery Systems and Anti-Bunny Missiles.
Economic experts, however, agree that protection of our chocolate supply is of prime importance to the welfare of the country and the stability of the world economy. “We can ill afford to have our chocolate supplies dicatated to us by terrorist, fundamentalist Bunny organizations,” said President Clinton in speech to factory workers in Hershey, PA last March. “Only through the willingness to exercise force can we ensure free chocolate trade. And only through democratic principles can we be assured that all our chocolate needs will be fulfilled. Now, show me the warehouse.”
As for the Tooth Fairy, officially the U.S. Government will neither confirm nor deny her (or his?) existence. Evidence regarding Santa Claus, Leprechauns, Cupid, and groundhogs remains classified.
I always thought chocolate money would be a great idea–a “chocolate standard” in leiu of a gold standard…money that was backed by the inherent value of the chocolate it was printed on. Those Euro guys should consider. 
Thia has to be a post party!
Fighting ignorance!!
No, this is obviously just silly, if not just a waste of electric.
…the Tooth Fairy?
While the Easter Bunny is leaving chocolates under pillows on a bi-weekly basis, then what happens if he accidentally puts an egg on top of the newly-lost tooth of a child who is expecting a visit from the Tooth Fairy?
Can you imagine the child’s anguish upon discovering that 5 ducks were indeed NOT left under the pillow as was hoped, but only a single bloody-rooted tooth and a chocolate egg?
Perhaps the Bunny could schedule its visits to FOLLOW the Tooth Fairy’s, thus avoiding these potentially scarring mishaps?
-David
Can we burn them and then pull their limbs off? What if you are opposed to letting babies live? Babies will overpopulate the country, dammit, its a CONSPIRACY!!
And on that topic, will abortion be abolished? Do the deaths of fetuses count as mortality? Or will we do away with the concept of gestation by having the babies hatch out of little (presumably chocolate) eggs delivered by the easter bunny? I have no idea what I’m saying.
Chocolate is good. Mmmmmmmm…
This Easter-Bunny-Chocolatarchy will never work because it is not RATIONAL and violates the perfect tenets of OBJECTIVISM.
As Ayn Rand wrote in Atlas Shrugged:
“Blah koola merf ECONOMICS merf yadda FREEDOM jern blah blah blah blah ETHICS”
or this passage from The Fountainhead:
“…drone eng la la la RIGHTS yadda boom en la EASTER BUNNY SUCKS rep ad nau see um”
and especially this from We the Living:
“INDIVIDUALISM flapdoodle flimflam gup a guff pi-jaw eyewash wo mei you wo zi ji de xiang fa…”
Chaon
Chaon: Thank you, thank you for bringing the thread reasonably back on-topic. Funny post, too. (The rest of y’all are just weird. grin)
Are you calling me weird? May the singing hedgehogs divebomb your kettles back to the Iridium Age! May the twisty paths, all alike, lead you far away from the truth! May an unsuccessful dialectic spoil your theories! May … Oh, you called me weird? I’m sorry. I thought you were insulting me!
In your very humorous post where you write nonsensical words, you cunningly wrote the above phrase, which is of course a quotation from Mao’s Red Book.
It basically translates to: “Western bunnies are hollow, where as the People’s bunnies are solid.”
This leads one to wonder if this is purely propaganda or indeed the bunnies are solid under combunnyst system.
One thing to consider, the system may cause civil unrest and possibly war between the hollow bunnies and the solid bunnies.
I think we are all selfishly omitting a minority group who has suffered for years at the hands of foolish human oppressors. Their sweet marshemllowy goodness has been overlooked.
They’re PEEPS!!! And if you don’t believe they’re a true oppressed group, you haven’t been paying much attention to the media…
http://www.pcola.gulf.net/~irving/bunnies/
Will Peeps be given the same rights as bunnies? Will they have the same rights taken away? Will the death penalty be instituted if Peeps are accidentally ingested and or stepped on?
For the duration of this thread, I suggest we refer to Gaudere as Chocolatarian.
It has always been my understanding that the chocolate brought by the Easter Bunny originates from a magical source; i.e., having no impact on the supply of chocolate available to those channels of chocolate distribution that enjoy a more conventional relationship with Market Forces.
Further, I have always understood that there is no such thing as too much chocolate. Ergo, the conventional chocolate distribution infrastructure should not be significantly affected by the activities of an Easter Bunny (unless He were to deliver Palmer brand chocolates, in which case there would be biweekly runs on the chocolate stores throughout the land, as citizens came in search of something to get that horrible, waxy taste out of their mouths).
As to the issue of coercion/enslavement of the Easter Bunny in the service of this utopian agenda, we must take into account the fact that the Easter Bunny is a manifestation of the collective Subconscious. Is such a manifestation possessed of an individualized free will? My intuitive judgement is that, no, he (it) is not. However, I am willing to admit (for a change) that this is not necessarily the last word on the subject. Should some brave soul decide to take on the question in a new thread, it will save space in this debate. I move that the question be tabled until resolved in some other thread.
rabbits are not rodents. 
You could have fooled me.