What a complete asshole way to put something. It’s pretty common for vets to have an extra fee if the owner wants to be present, but not because of having to deal with the owner afterwards. It’s because they go to some extra steps to minimize distress to the owner. It can be really, really, REALLY hard to hit a vein for euthanasia–circulation is often poor and the animal is often dehydrated–and once you do hit a vein you’re at higher risk for it to blow or for blood flow to be so sluggish that it takes a long time for the drug to take effect. The animal can have involuntary movements and vocalizations while the drug is taking effect that are heart-wrenching to watch. So most vets any more will put in an IV and hook up a fluid pump, and give the pet a sedative if the owner wants to be present, and tack on an extra charge to cover the extra supplies and tech time. But many vets will waive that extra charge if we’re talking about a long-standing patient, especially one that’s been treated for a chronic condition.
If Charley has a decent relationship with the vet and staff, I honestly think he’ll be okay either way. I worked in vet clinics for over a decade and took part in many, many euthanasias where the owner couldn’t bear to be present. Most of those animals were long-term patients who had issues like Charley’s and were in quite often for treatments and checkups and bloodwork over the last months of their lives. They knew and trusted us and were comfortable being left with us, so they didn’t worry about their owners leaving without them, and they left this world being held and petted and told how much they would be missed.
If you do choose to be present, there are some things you should be prepared for. As I said before, if circulation is pretty crummy the injection can take a while to have full effect, and there can be period of involuntary twitching, yelping, or whining similar to what you see when someone is going under or coming out of anesthesia. Those things don’t mean Charley’s experiencing any pain or distress; he’ll be sound asleep by that point. There can also be a period of very heavy, almost labored breathing as everything shuts down. And at the very end, all of the muscles will relax, including the ones that hold back his pee and poo and he may soil himself. Most of the time these things don’t happen, but I wouldn’t feel right letting you go into this not knowing it’s a possibility.
Whatever you decide is okay, and I’m sorry for your loss.
Thank you all for your kind replies. The three of us discussed it around dinner tonight and we agreed that we will all be there. I will be making the arrangements tomorrow. Some of you have mentioned paperwork. Of course, I understand the financial end of the deal, but that isn’t going to be an issue. Aside from paying the bill, what sort of paperwork is required? I suppose there must be some sort of form that says I understand that the doctor is going to kill the animal and that I am okay with this. Is that about it?
Many tears have been shed and I’m sure more tears will be coming. We are going to spend a quiet weekend at home with the puppies. The procedure will likely be Tuesday or Wednesday of next week.
Yes. You have to give them legal, written permission to euthanize him that they can keep in his chart. Depending on what you want done with him afterward, there are sometimes forms for the pet mortuary or crematorium that have to be signed.
Yeah, you do need to sign that, pay the bill, and also decide what to do with the body. That’s where we fell down - we hadn’t discussed whether we wanted Max’s ashes or not, and had to decide when we weren’t thinking very clearly and had to call the clinic the next day and hope it wasn’t too late to change our minds. We’re still working on finding an appropriate memorial for her ashes.
I don’t think there’s much paperwork other than that - just what they are going to do and that you have signed off that you understand and approve.
That sounds like a good plan - have a few Good Last Days, then give Charlie your last gift - the end of suffering.
My cat with lymphoma loved tuna - in water. So at the end, she wouldn’t
eat. I brought a can of tuna, just in case. Our vet dosed her with Diazepam,
which relaxed the cat and made her hungry. So we had our last supper, and
I got the Last Supper Protocol: planned euthanasia, favorite food plus Diazepam, plenty of time for goodbye.
Plan the day, take pictures, bring your pet home afterwards, as whole body or as cremains.
Inter properly. If you do a grave, get one of those Japanese yard lanterns, the solar ones are nice. Neat grave marker. Keep some artifacts and toys, maybe inter some with pet.
Possibly strong detail. If you bring home the body, sometimes they’ll bag the body.
You might prefer to clean the body and shroud it in a blanket, sheet or towel.
I think most everything’s been covered here, but I’ll just add that at least here in Seattle, there are a number of vets that will come to your home for this. It made things so much easier for my two cats that I’ve had to put to sleep in the last couple years. They both hated the car and hated the vet office, so being able to lounge around in a comfy bed in a place they felt safe made it so much easier.
Drum God, I’m so sorry about Charley. I’ve been with every pet I’ve had to have euthanized. It’s very, very difficult, but I figure it’s the least I can do for a beastie who gave me so much.
I’ve volunteered at my vet’s office for the last two years. One thing people don’t consider when dropping off the pet for euthanization is that if there are a lot of appointments scheduled, a pet will sit in a kennel until there’s a lull. My vet hates to do it like this, but when it’s busy and someone doesn’t schedule an appointment, there’s no choice. I can’t go into detail because it’s making me cry, but I’ll just say it’s very hard on the animal. At least schedule an appointment, pony up for the office call and be sure it’s done immediately. Please don’t let them sit there alone and scared.
Yes. Legally speaking, Cat, I can say that in your jurisdiction, written permission is required to euthanize an animal.
From here on, things get a little more fuzzy (and I am sure that you will understand if I do not delve into legal research right now). Anyway, as I understand from a retired veterinarian neighbour, and have experienced from currently-licensed vets, the vet must explain what is going to happen (only if asked, not everybody asks or even wants to know). Regardless, the owner must understand what is going to happen, and the vet must answer any questions about it. Not sure which of these are mandated by law and which are the ethics of the veterinary profession, but either way, I have had questions. The vet has always answered truthfully. So, statutes or ethics, I am glad such a right (or a vet’s ethical obligation) to information is in place. Note that IME, in spite of all of the above, and even after the papers are signed, the animal’s owner retains the right to halt the procedure at any time before the administration of the fatal injection.
Okay, professionalism off. OP, do please stay with your pet. It will be difficult for you (hell, it’s been difficult for me). But your friend will be comforted by you, and your smell, and your hands. It may help your friend if you take along a few familiar things–for my most recent experience, I took my cat’s favourite blanket, and my little buddy slipped into eternity on his blanket, on my lap. But it, and me, were familiar to him. I miss him, but I know that I did all I could to send him off in a comforting way.
Consider a “last best day” for Charley. As long as something won’t cause him great physical distress, let him do all the things that he normally doesn’t get to do (often). People food, treats, sitting on the couch/bed, whatever.
As for the paperwork, one of the things other posters and I mentioned was learning - while you’re trying to keep it together as you’re preparing for all of that - is that your vet may have quite an array of funeral/commemorative options available. Suddenly you’re standing there, feeling conflicted about what you’re preparing to do and halfway into grieving, and you get a menu of “burial or cremation?” “take body with you or not?” “headstone or plaque or no marker?” “mass cremation versus individual?” “inter the ashes or receive them later?” “commemorative plaque/object?” and so on, and you’re weighing your feelings about that amidst your guilt and grief. Call ahead and ask about that, and discuss with your family what you want to do.
I wonder if your daughter might want to say her goodbyes over the phone, or even Skype from home? My first, dearly beloved cat Cali died when I was away at college and there was no way to be there. It hurt terribly at the time and still guides me to be present that last visit.
We sort of took an intermediate approach. The doctor gave Max a big dose of sedative, and then the actual euthanizing shot. We stayed with him until he went under due to the sedative, and then left. The doc warned us that there are sometimes…messy autonomic reactions to the euthanasia, and we frankly didn’t want to witness that.
Max simply put his head down on his front paws, and went to sleep. That was the last I saw him, and it’s a good, although bittersweet, memory. He looked exactly like he often did lying in a patch of sunlight.
We have never had to sign any forms giving permission to euthanize our dogs, and we’ve had to do it twice. They only asked what we wanted to do with the remains, and I didn’t want them - he’s not my dog anymore, really, and I feel the same about my own remains when I pass away; just throw them in the trash - and they didn’t require payment at that time. We did stay throughout the whole procedure and yes, it is very jarring when your dead dog takes a jagged breath 20 minutes after it’s dead. They billed us later. That was nice of them.
I’ve been present at many euthanizations (That sounds bad but I’m older and have had lots of animals, I’ve also been a foster home for over 20 years, I’ve picked up hit dogs and cats and wildlife from the side of the road, etc) and have heard this from vets many a time.
I’m sure it happens and I understand why a veterinarian would warn owners. But honestly, I’ve never seen anything untoward or unexpected happen. And if it did, so what? This was an animal whose poop and pee and puke I cleaned up for its entire life; I’m going to get skeeved out by end-of-life involuntary pooping or peeing or thrashing around? No, I’m not, not at all. It’s actually been comforting to know the animal passed easily and I was there with it to the end, especially if it was one of my own pets that I had history with.
As an aside, to this day I regret that I wasn’t with my father when he passed away. Not that there was anything I could have done differently under the circumstances, and yes I know a father does not equal a pet, but they’re still both family members.
I do realise that it’s a very difficult thing for some people and everyone has to do whatever their comfort level dictates. Personally, I’ve always stayed with the animal until the absolute end, even if it was an animal I never knew and just picked up mortally injured or whatever on the side of the road.
Also I agree with **Sister Vigilante **- the remains are just a husk, an empty envelope, to me. But again, that’s a very personal decision.
“Aside from paying the bill, what sort of paperwork is required? I suppose there must be some sort of form that says I understand that the doctor is going to kill the animal and that I am okay with this. Is that about it?”
I just meant that it is better to have payment and any other details done in advance so when it’s over you can just bolt for the car and cry there, instead of waiting at the desk with tears dripping off your chin and all the people in the waiting room staring at you.
If you can find a vet who will come to your home, I highly recommend it. We did this with a cat who was very sick and hated going to the vet. It really reduced the amount of stress on her.
My condolences to you and your family. Losing a pet is just gut wrenching.
Well, the appointment has been made. Tuesday, at 4:30PM CST. I like the idea of having . a perfect day. We have already been spoiling Charlie with extra people food, etc. I’m thinking he’s going to spend the weekend upstairs in my son’s bed. I think they would both like that.
The decision making in the lead up of when, where and how is generally harder for me than the aftermath when it moves into grieving. I still get very sad about the death of my cat recently but after seeing the final shot a number of times now I can only wish that I had the option for myself when the time comes.
It is hard but it is right. One dog of mine gave a thump of the tail as she went, the vet said it wasn’t an uncommon reflex, don’t be alarmed. I chose to take it as a “thanks, love you too”. Also remember that though we call it “putting to sleep” there is a good chance Charlie won’t close his eyes.
As an ER tech, I don’t get to see the “planned” euthanasias, so it may sound really weird, but I’m happy for you that you’re able to mentally prepare and give Charlie some good last days. I see people at their worst, trying to comprehend what the doctor just told them about how sick their pet is, and trying to deal with having to let their pet go now, rather than having some lead-time, because their pet’s so sick that’s why they’re in the ER in the first place.
I think it was briefly discussed upthread about the other dogs in the house and their understanding of Charlie not coming back. If it’s possible and won’t be too crazy chaotic, it may really help the other dogs for them to come along too. They “get it” when they see their roomie pass. Put Charlie on the floor where they can nudge and sniff him afterwards, and they won’t start looking for him at home - which will just make you feel bad for them and maybe guilty. I have a couple friends who have done this, either at the office or at home euthanasias and it really seemed to help the other dogs.
Since you have some time, as much as it sucks, now is a good time to start thinking about what kind of disposition you want of him afterwards. If you google [your city] pet funeral home you can get an idea of what’s available and for what cost. Some places even have chapels and offer pet wakes.
In any case, it’s easier to make these tough decisions if you give yourself time to think about them.