Ah, I see. Well, keep away from her as much as you can, keep your stuff and finances completely separate from hers, and start saving those pennies. She sounds like a disaster looking for a place to happen, and you really don’t want to be around when it does.
How much does it cost to be able to move in your area, Alice?
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You found this person through an agency, right? CoAbode-something? You should contact them about this. This is probably not the first time a co-aboding turns into a nightmare. They might have resources and experience they can share with you.
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You should talk to the police about her drug habits. When she informed you that she was buying pills illegally, she made you a party to her crimes.
It’s not a good example to your son for you to ignore this and if you know she’s committing crimes and don’t say anything, the police might not believe that you’re just an innocent bystander if you aren’t taking steps to get yourself out of this mess.
Best answer yet. And surely they’ve got some responsibility in this? Don’t they kind of have to have some sort of system of checks and balances on their members?
I’m so sorry, is there a way you can do a month to month at some smallish by the month studio or something? Yeah, it would be a squeeze, but better than having your stuff stolen by her or confiscated in a raid or something.
Best of luck and good wishes for this nightmare ending soon!
Another vote for contacting CoAbode to see if they can help you out in any way.
What would the actual cost of moving be?
I’m so so sorry to hear this. I agree with talking to both co-abode and the police. She sounds like she is close to hitting bottom, but some folks do just ground-out and stay there for a while.
I was in a similar situation once, I think I told you a bit about it in the dog thread. It was horrific, and I had to move out in the middle of a deep depression, when I was barely hanging on to my job and had almost no money. A month later she was trying to convince me to move back ?!?!? Addiction often goes hand-in-hand with other mental problems.
Her poor son. Is there any other family he can contact? Or whom you could contact for him, just to make certain they know how bad things are? Obviously do this as you leave, but do it if you can. Is she abusive to him? If so, consider calling CPS a few days before you go.
In the mean time, the best advice I got was this “Do not respond to inappropriate behavior.” You can neither see nor hear snipe, sarcasm, or temper tantrums. She is silent and invisible unless she is acting appropriately. Most people like this are attention seekers, and will feel around for the hot buttons that get your emotions up - then keep pressing them. I realize this is far more difficult to do with your own child around, but it’s an excellent skill to develop.
And try to look for opportunities to compliment her son. If he does any small thing right, try to point it out to him.
All I can say is that she can’t get into emotional arguments with someone who refuses to be engaged in the argument. Treat her like the addict that she is and quit trying to reason with her. If she gives you the silent treatment, that’s better for everyone. If she gets on the phone and talks badly about you, walk out of the room. If she brings her married lover over, ignore them. As long as she doesn’t interfere with your right to enjoy the common areas, you can’t do much about her. But arguing with her is both fruitless and pointless.
You’re saving up money, which is the best thing you can do in this situation. It’s possible that she may be out of money soon, in which case the both of you risk being evicted. Do what you can to protect yourself.
Good luck to you.
Some sleeping pills in her vodka could make it all go away.
OK I’m sorry, don’t do that.
Then use the pillow.
Escape to the nearest women’s shelter, with your child. Box up and store whatever you can’t take with you, store it at a friends, or in a facility. Tell them you fear for yourself and your child living with an addict, exaggerate your fears if need be.
Get out, get out now.
Were it me, I wouldn’t pay another dime of rent to her or the landlord. Let her take you to court, - she won’t be able to see such a thing through or hire a lawyer from the sounds of things. I’d be putting that money towards my midnight move. As soon as I had enough for a cheap hotel, I’d be out of there, and never look back. When you do make your exit have everything packed and ready to go so you don’t have cause to return.
If it were me, I’d rather my child spent a month in a shelter than in the circumstances you have described.
This sentence implies you care more about the money than your kids mental health, hope that’s not true. There is no way a lack of money would keep me and my child in such a hellish place. If it’s this horrid for you, what damage is your kid taking on?
Yikes.
While I agree with everyone that I need to move asap, I do think that we’ll be okay at least until the end of the month, which I’ve paid up to, and when I get paid again. I am trying my hardest to not let her emotional bullshit get to me, although it’s very difficult for me to be around people like her, and shielding my son from it the best I can. I’m trying to find at least an apartment with a move-in special, where you only have to pay the deposit, which is usually one month’s rent, around here, $600-800. I’m aware of shelters as a viable alternative, but I’m not so sure they would be that much more healthy for my son, either. Her son at least goes to his dad’s for half of the week, so I don’t worry too much about him. I do thank everyone for listening and all of the advice, and I am taking all of it to heart. Just knowing that I’m not the only one that sees her behaviors as dysfunctional helps tremendously- sometimes people like this can get you twisted, where you’re not sure if you’re overreacting or what.
It’s also worth thinking about legal issues. If there is no written lease (at least if you were in my state) that means there’s a “month-to-month” lease automatically in effect. That *is *a lot easier to get out of, but it’s not as easy as packing your stuff and tossing her your keys. You still have to give 30 days notice to the landlord.
I’d also be on the lookout for some probably retribution when she gets wind that you’re about to bail.
Protect your personal information. Make certain that she can’t get her hands on your SS#.
Protect your valuables. If you have somewhere off-site you can put things that you’d rather not have mysteriously disappear, do it. (Trunk of your car, maybe?) If she asks where the computer / game system / whatever went, tell her you pawned it.
Give as little notice as possible. Not to leave her in the lurch, but to make sure she doesn’t do something awful to sabotage you or your son.
Sorry you’re going through this. 
Oh, man. I remember your previous threads and was really hoping this would turn out better for you. Some great advice offered so far. This is probably ethically questionable, but what would happen if you just bailed on your last month’s rent in this place in order to have that money to apply to a new place? (I would definitely ask a legal professional for advice on this before doing it, but since you’re not on the lease it seems like it could be a possibility? Don’t know, not an expert, etc.)
This is wisdom.
Sooner or later, probably sooner, this person is going to think “I fucked up. Now I need money, to pay my lawyer, to buy groceries, etc. I don’t have any money, because I fucked up. Who’s close to hand, who’s got money? Nobody. But there’s all this Stuff, lying about the house, that can be turned into money. Hmmmm…”
Regards,
Shodan
Definitely report to CoAbode, first of all: from the FAQ section of their website…
“Any client found not using the service in good faith is removed from our listings immediately.”
Second, I have to echo the other posters: lock up anything of value and get out ASAP. I know it’s hard financially. Is there anything we can do to help?
Especially if she’s a druggie as you imply. Wanting that fix can override even some pretty strong morals, and it doesn’t sound like this lady even has those.
Regards,
Guy whose name is at the top of this post
I think waiting until the end of the month is just fine, if in fact, you are 100% completely and totally sure she won’t get busted for drugs between now and then. Because if she does:
•Everything in the house (including your stuff) could be subject to search and seizure by the authorities. Anything that could be considered an asset gained through the sale of drugs could be confiscated, including your car (until who owns what gets sorted out). When a residential drug bust goes on, the police don’t take the time to verify what belongs to who.
•Your kid is at great risk with a drug user in the house. If CPS gets wind of this situation, you could be in danger of losing your kid. If your roommate gets busted when your kid happens to be around, again, you might be charged with endangerment and you could be in danger of losing your kid. I would consider talking to the ex and try to minimize the time your kid spends with you until you are able to move. I think the single most important issue at hand here is your child’s safety and wellbeing. If you’re going to go ratting her out to the police, please make sure *your *kid is in a stable and safe environment before you go calling authorities into your lives. Like, ship him off to dad’s or gramma’s for a couple weeks until you get all this sorted out.
Good points. But I think it was EvilRoomie’s child who goes to Dad half the week, right?
Yeah, could you get a storage unit right away? Even just a little closet-sized one and start moving important stuff into it a bit every day. She could decide to change the locks at any moment, and with no lease you’d be in trouble.
I’m sorry, I don’t want to add panic to your situation. . . if she is going to get caught, you want to be on the record as reporting it. Let us know what co-abode says.
Once you are out, consider offering to testify for her ex if he’s stable. He will need help to prove the child is being endangered.
And once you are out, call that poor wife and tell her that her health is in jeopardy. I seriously doubt that ER is monogamous . . . or careful.
ETA: I agree that a shelter is not the best option, but the local socialworkers may have another choice - like apartments or something. It might be worth asking about if you’re not already familiar with the choices.
Lease is in her name, right? So call the cops…have her thrown in jail. Then if she gets out on bail and has some illegal drugs again for her ‘pain’, call them again and have her thrown in jail. Get a baseball bat to defend yourself for the 10 minutes it takes for the cops to get there and haul her away again. It should take at least 60 days for the landlord to evict you, time which you can spend saving your rent money, and looking for a new place…but alone in the house with her in jail. From what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound like she’ll be able to keep from behaviors which can land her back in jail. So use the resources you have. As long as you’re not doing anything illegal, call the cops, explain the co-hab program, and that the person you moved in with is trafficking in controlled medication that isn’t hers.
Alice, do you have any kind of support system (family, friends, etc.) nearby?
Believe me, I understand the urge to fend for yourself, but it might be time to swallow your pride and a) ask a good friend if you and your son can bunk with them (even if it’s a futon in the basement) until you can find a suitable apartment and b) rent a truck, enlist anyone and everyone who’s willing to help, and get out of there. With enough hands you can clear out in an hour or two. Asking for help isn’t fun, but good friends will come to your aid.
In your other thread, I was one of the people urging you to get on the lease – now, I’m glad you didn’t. I don’t see a good reason to stay in this nightmare one minute longer than you have to. At worst, you might end up owing a month’s rent; I’d consider that getting off cheaply.