I've Made A Horrible Mistake Moving In With This Roommate

So, as described here, I moved into a nice house in a nice neighborhood with a roommate and her 9 year-old son. After living alone for many years, with my kids, this was a huge adjustment for me. I was very wary going into it, especially after moving in and seeing how she is with her dogs, and my fears were apparently not unfounded. Life is hell here, and I have begun to really hate this woman.

Since moving in, besides the whole dog fiasco, which has not gotten any better, I have found out that this woman is 1)an alcoholic- she got an extreme DUI last weekend and will be paying thousands of dollars between her lawyer and fines, which is kind of my business since she doesn’t have a job and her finances were tight to start with 2)having an affair with a married man, who she has at the house quite often, which makes me very uncomfortable and 3)regularly buying prescription narcotics off of the black market for her “fibromyalgia pain”. Having found out all of these things about her makes me want to run away from her- after all, if she has no moral compass, what would be to stop her from fucking me over? Nothing, I presume.

Not only have I been confronted with these failings on her part, she is also quite moody and petty. I really can’t stand a moody person. I strive to be fairly even-tempered, and although I do have my bad moods and PMSy days, I’m basically the same person day after day and I try not to be someone that other people need to tiptoe around. Not so her. We seem to be constantly embroiled in petty emotional issues, and she does things like giving me the silent treatment, talks about me negatively on the phone where I can hear her, is very snappy and hateful to my son and I, etc. We seem to have drastically different personalities, lifestyles, moralities, types of friends, etc. I wish that I had known these things before I moved in, but she wasn’t really forthcoming about the way she really lived.

So, in short, I hate her, I hate living here, and I’m stuck, as right now I’m pretty much broke and can’t afford to move out. Damn the day I made the decision to move in here. Although my old apartment and neighborhood were pretty intolerable, at least I was alone (besides one kid, who I get along with pretty well). Dammit. :frowning:

I totally empathize with you. I moved to a new province and in with my oldest friend back in August. It ended up being a total nightmare with me spending all of my time locked away in my room (I literally bought a lock for my door) wondering what on earth I was going to do. I felt hopeless and utterly stuck. There were days I was actually worried she would kill me. She was on heavy narcotics due to an injury and it changed her from the person I’d known my whole life.

Living with her was one of the top three worst experiences of my life. I radically changed my plans to go to university and instead got a full time job and got the hell out of there as fast as I could. I made it out in 8 weeks and now I have my own apartment and a job I love.

The only advice I can give is go on an extreme budget until you have enough to move out. You only need a month’s rent and damage deposit. Good luck.

Thank you. I feel horribly guilty for having made a bad decision, but I comfort myself with the knowledge that I did it in good faith. Now I feel like she did it just to have some help with her rent and bills, but doesn’t really want anyone living with her. I’ve never been one to fight to stay somewhere I’m not wanted, yet I can’t move out right now. Hopefully May 1st will find us in a happy place, literally.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine how horrible it would be to live some place, with someone, you hate. But you definitely shouldn’t feel guilty. You went with the best information you had at the time. Here’s hoping things will be better in a couple of months.

You probably already know this, but then again, you’re such a nice person you may not have thought of it…lock up everything you own that’s of value. Your computer, your jewelry, your son’s game system, everything. Someone dealing with a painkiller and alcohol addiction who’s just gotten herself in financial trouble is *not *someone you can trust to keep her hands to herself.

Good luck, hon. Get out as soon as you can, and if it takes a turn for the worse and you’re no longer safe, don’t hesitate to get you and your son to a shelter.

My sympathies, Alice. I wish there was something we could do to help. Did you ever get on the lease?

Hey, maybe you could tip off the cops the next time she goes to buy her fibromyalgia meds and get the house all to yourself. :slight_smile:

Thanks to everyone for your kindness. You all are a lot easier on me than I am on myself!

No, I never did get on the lease, and now I’m glad. She had asked me for a deposit of several hundred dollars. I replied that I was not comfortable giving the money directly to her, but rather to the landlord. I’m aware that deposit monies paid have to go into an escrow account, to ensure that they will be available to be paid back to you within two weeks (in my city) of moving out, and I couldn’t be assured that she would have it to give it back whenever I moved out, and so I wanted to give it to the landlord at the time of lease signing. I also wanted the landlord to come over at the time of lease signing, to witness the several large holes in the backyard due to her dog digging, and the scratches that the dog has made on the sliding glass doors. I don’t want to be responsible for those damages. So, of course, she dropped the issue of the deposit, and she never contacted the landlord to put me on the lease.

And hell, yeah, I’d love to have the house to myself because she’s in jail- unfortunately, the rent is over a thousand dollars! :eek:

You could always ahem find a roommate.

(If you should find yourself living there alone, that is.)


Look, I don’t know how things are for you financially - with the recent move and whatnot, I assume it’s pretty tight; however, if there is any way in hell - get an advance on a credit card, get a new credit card, sell off RRSPs (IRAs?) - ANYTHING to get you and your son out of there do it.

It sounds toxic and not safe. If I were you I would open a new credit account, put a deposit on a new place and leave like a thief in the night with no forwarding address. Have you met anyone in your new location? Have any friends, family or dopers nearby that can help you move? Seriously - this sounds awful.

Sometimes when we make mistakes we ‘punish’ ourselves for our error by trying to live with it for a while. I really think you should not make this one of those times.

I know. I know. :frowning:

I agree with this. I had to dip into my credit line to get out. The couple thousand dollars debt for the moving truck, rent, damage deposit and incidentals, was so worth it. The weight lifted off my shoulders was immense.

If you listen to nothing else in this thread, listen to this - your situation is bad enough without her stealing everything you haven’t nailed down.

I’m not usually an advocate of irresponsible behaviour, but if you’re not on the lease, what is keeping you there?

My sympathies, Alice. I was in one of these situations with a house mate from hell. I was out of there in less than 60 days. I had to downgrade into less than desirable conditions but was much happier in my shitty appartment by myself.

The dolt had the gall to try squeeze money out of me for groceries before I left. I told him I’m leaving the fridge in the exact same condition when I moved in here, fucking empty.

Last words ever spoken to him.

At first it was money, plus moving all of my stuff, my cats, and my son, yet again.

Now, I don’t care so much about the other stuff, but it’s still money keeping me here. I have none, and won’t be able to afford moving for another few weeks. This experience has really put me off of staying with other people, forever.

One thing that I find very ironic in this situation is that, as an atheist, I have more than once been asked by Christians how I could possibly know right from wrong, how could I be seen to have any morals or values. My roommate identifies as a Christian, and doesn’t seem to have any morals or values, and I’m very straight-edged and a rule-follower, and I don’t even like to speed. Her life choices are making me very uncomfortable.

Smart presumption.** WhyNot** beat me to it, but don’t put anything past her, and if you do trust her an iota, then don’t put anything past the cheating, married man or anyone else she has over.

Start watching as many episodes of Forensic Files as you can, and start planning the perfect murder immediately.


(Is there anything in the TOS here about helping folks perfect the art of murder?)

I had a dreadful roommate many years ago. I think everyone should go through something like that as a form of national service. I can just about guaranty you will never have a bad roomie again.

Ha, I have plenty of holes in the backyard to bury the body in, thanks to her dog!

LOL, the DOGS did it!!!