So I'm Going To CoAbode, And I'm Going To Die

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Okay, just kidding on the dying.

But I am going to CoAbode with another single mother with a 9 year-old son- my son that still lives at home is 12. I’m sure I heard about it here on the Dope, and signed up with it several months ago. I was thisclose to signing a lease on a new apartment, just us, when I got the first email from anybody there. We went to see it yesterday, and we are moving in next weekend.

I’m pretty wary about it. It’s been years since I’ve shared living space with anybody but my kids, and I am used to it being my house, and being the boss. I recall the roommate days of my youth with something not close to fondness. The days of petty bitching about stupid shit that really doesn’t matter and walking on eggshells around moody bitches and dealing with other people’s dramas and PMS and messes. Ugh.

I’m being very optimistic that it won’t be like that now, though- at 42 (as she is, too) I like to think I can handle my own shit and other people’s shit with infinitely more patience, grace, and understanding than way back when, and that with mature and reasonable communication, we will be able to work through any issue that might come up. Bwahahaha?

As far as the house, it’s nice. Almost 2000 sq feet, we will all have our own bedrooms, and my son and I will share a bathroom, and we will have our own living room, as well. All that will need to be shared with them is the kitchen, dining room, laundry machines, and backyard. One little thing that bothers me already is that she gets the nice living room and the nice, huge master bedroom, and yet is expecting us to pay half, when I think she should pay a little more for the nicer rooms. I probably won’t say anything, and just let it go. The house is rented, which is really the only way to go- I can’t see myself living in someone else’s house, where every little conflict would come down to “my house, my rules”. Um, no. So, renting is good and makes us equals and makes my son and I really feel like our part of the house is ours. I hope.

I’m scared. I’m hopeful. I’m glad that I am having the courage to do something different, at least, since I don’t like my life the way it has been and need a change. Yay?

2

Why does she get both the better bedroom and better living room?

3

Cuz she was there first?

4

Usually the person with the large master bedroom pays more. Bring it up now and clear the air or it will fester get to you – causing resentment later (even for potentially the most minor of things).

5

Usually, i guess. At the time she married me (1983), kaylasmom was living in a largish rented house with her mother and older sister.When she moved out, her sister recruited one of her friends from work to move in and take over one third of the rent. This friend had a somewhat forceful personality, and insisted on taking the master bedroom. She got it.

6

I don’t get why houses have to have different sized bedrooms in the first place.

7

Just a wag , but most houses are laid out for families. You only have so much space, when designing a home to fit a specific property, and most homes are probably built to a standard design. Its usually, but not always the third largest space in the home thats finished. After the living room, and dining room.

After that come the kids rooms, that vary from glorified closets to decent size rooms. Your locations housing market will vary.

Declan

8

Modern houses are usually built with a master bedroom/suite for the parents, and smaller bedrooms for the kids. Older houses will usually have bedrooms more or less the same size with no obvious “master bedroom”.

9

Wait, I thought you were going to die driving across country. Way too much dying going on here, missy! :slight_smile:

I’d get the money issue cleared up right away, too. In my rental days in past years, the person with the better bedroom always paid more. I slept on a sun porch for a year and saved a lot of money. And nearly froze to death.

10

If the master bedroom is just bigger, I’d probably let it go, but if the master bedroom means she has a bathroom attached to it, I definitely think she should be paying more rent for that. Splitting rent unevenly based on who has the larger room(s) is a pretty common practice in shared living situations so I don’t think it would be an outrageous request either way.

And, good luck! This could be the start of something good!

11

Thanks! I so hope it will be good, and I will try very hard to have it be good. It’s going to be so weird living with other people- I guess I won’t be able to walk around naked, scratching my ass and picking my nose. Not that I do those things now!

12

Wish you the best, Alice. Your situation wouldn’t work for me, I’m just too selfish & need my own space. I do feel as though this could turn out to be fantastic for you guys, depending on how you all get along, almost like a commune kinda thing. I was part of a stepfamily, & I became good friends w/ my stepbrother, something I’m very grateful for, so I hope it all works out for you and your son.
Happy New Year, & all the best w/ your new setup! :slight_smile:

13

Hope things work out well for you Alice. I think the set-up could have a lot of advantages for you. I’ve been in all kinds of roommate situations and generally found that they can work out really well as long as you’re clear from the start about how things are going to work, what’s going to be shared, etc. I agree with those who have said it would be good to bring up the possibility of a rent differential.

Good luck with everything!

14

Don’t do it! It will turn out awful and you will rue the day you made this decision.

15

Too bad you didn’t tell me this sooner! :smack:

16

so what was the end result? what happened?

17

She died, but thanks for reviving her! I for one welcome our zombified Goon overlords.

18

I only had wished that I died. She turned out to be an alcoholic. She was having an affair with a married man, she was buying Vicodin off the black market and was addicted to it, she got an extreme DUI- she didn’t seem to really have any values or morals. When her son was at his dad’s for half the week, she would go nuts with the drinking and bring men home from the bar in the middle of the night, etc. I planned to move out without letting her know, but then she brought a stranger home from the bar on Friday night and let him stay until Sunday night. When he finally left, I confronted her about doing that without saying anything to me about it and the concerns I had and she flipped her shit. I then told her that we’d be moving the next weekend. She threatened to beat me up, and she spent the next couple of days terrorizing my son and I. She turned the electricity off to our part of the house and I called the police on her. They threatened to arrest her for disorderly conduct for blocking my side of the carport with branches, and they made her turn the power back on. She pretty much left me alone for the rest of the week- every time I had to walk past her, I would have my camera on movie mode aimed at her. I sent my son to his friend’s for the rest of the week and I spent a lot of time at my office. She said she would “get me” but I never heard anything from her again.

I don’t blame CoAbode or living with other people- I blame her alcoholism and apparent lack of conscience. She claimed to be a Christian but I didn’t see any evidence of that.

19

I think you saw a lot of evidence of that.

20

Ha- well, yeah.