My Roommate Situation

Do you ever step back and look at your life and sort of realize what an absurd position you’re in sometimes? Well this is a case with me every so often and if someone had told me a couple years ago this would be my situation now, I would have a hard time swallowing it.
A couple of weeks ago I moved into my new apartment with two roommates (or housemates since we don’t share bedrooms). They had been here for a year already and the third roommate graduated so I signed the lease around December 2005 since I was friends with “Dave”, one of the roommates. I met the other roommate (let’s call him “Tom”) a few times and I thought he was an alright guy (as I got to know him better I found this to be untrue). At first I was somewhat hesitant since they are both gay and I’m not. But I realized that wouldn’t make too much of a difference and they kept house neat and cooked frequently so wouldn’t have to resort to eating ramen everyday. I was also aware that Dave was somewhat of a pothead and occasionally dabbled in harder drugs but I didn’t see it becoming a problem since his use of hard drugs was pretty infrequent.
After I signed the lease, I met my current SO and my time with Dave became less and less frequent. Then May came and I spent pretty much the whole summer until August with my parents.
The day I come back I see that Dave hasn’t moved anything out of the room I was supposed to move in to. In fact, the floor was literally not visible due to laundry. Not only that, the house that I was used to being pretty clean was full of an assortment of crap everywhere. But Dave had work that evening in so my mother and I cleared out the room and moved my stuff in. That was somewhat infuriating but I got over it. But here comes the real kicker. Apparently pot wasn’t enough for Dave. His formerly occasional cocaine use seems to have increased a great deal. Now he brings strangers every now and then to buy/sell/do coke which I am not completely comfortable with, especially since my room doesn’t lock. But if it ended here the story wouldn’t be too absurd. Gay cokehead roommate? Old news right?
I’ve known for a while that Tom was having money trouble. He was getting in debt and he couldn’t seem to maintain a regular job because he’s too much of a fuck up. So what’s the natural solution? It seems the answer for Tom is travel to NYC to become a gay prostitute. When I first heard this it took a few days to digest it, but after I did it almost made sense because I knew Tom had no self-respect or money so I guess in that tiny head of his he decided sucking dick for money would be a good idea. Now he’s payed off his debt and he’s throwing away money like crazy and acting like he’s owns the place because he has money. Tom was already a somewhat hard individual to tolerate but now he’s become almost unbearable. But I don’t want to risk offending him because I’m sure he knows some very unsavory people.
So that’s my situation. I know Dave’s drugs doesn’t directly effect me, nor Tom’s prostitution (since it’s in NYC) but WTF?!
Yup this is my life. They told me college would be crazy but I did NOT expect this.

If you Mom loves you she would back me up on this:

Leave. Eat your losses and get out. As a roommate veteran (30 of them, none as bad as your situation), I am certain you will be miserable until you’re in new living circumstances. And this is college. It’s supposed to be better than that. Really. Don’t throw your hands up in the air and say something like, “Well, not for me – my life is always like this.” Take steps to change it. Coke users and gay prostitutes in your house could very likely wind up VERY bad for you. Theft: a given. Violence: likely. Rape: I sure wouldn’t rule it out.

But maybe it will make for a great script/book someday!

I sincerely wish you the best with this.

I’m with Moonchild on this.

If you’re not comfortable in your own house, don’t stay there. Explain to your mother what the situation is, and get out. Roommates are hard enough to deal with when you respect each other. And that doesn’t seem to be going on here.

If drug deals are going down in your house then Dave’s drug use does in fact affect you greatly. These are felonies. You need to get out now.

If your roommate is dealing and/or using heavily and the police decide to come a knocking at the door and you happen to be home you get busted too. They’re not going to hear or pay attention when you say “but that’s not mine, his drug use/selling doesn’t affect me”. Nope. You’ll get hauled in with the rest of them and charged just like them because you’re living in the house where it’s going down.

Coke can be like that. Occasional use turns into something much bigger and if he’s dealing to support his habit you’re going to see more, not fewer, strange creepy characters around at all hours buying, selling and using. They’ll get sloppy, the police will get wind of it and you’ll get busted with them.

Get out now.

On the other hand, I’m sure a major network will pick up this story and (a) make it into the next reality show, or (b) create a Lifetime movie, or © develop an entire series from it.

Not to make light of your situation, but if I were you, I’d be getting out so fast I’d burn a trail behind me. Your room mates are Bad News, and you don’t want to get any deeper into it.

It would be very very foolish of you to stay sharing a house with a drug dealer. Cut your losses and leave now. Drop out for a semester if you have to, if there is absolutely no other place to live.

Find yourself a new place to live and move. If one guy is dealing drugs out of the apartment, then bad things are afoot.

This sums it up rather nicely. If the police come in and bust them, they will bust you as well.

You shouldn’t even have to ask.

Go. Quickly.

Leave your stuff behind if it’s not convenient to take it with you. Better lost stuff than prison or incidental drug-household violence. You can come back for stuff at a later time with witnesses.

I once had a roommate who became a gay prostitute in order to buy cocaine. Get out before one of his “boyfriends” follows him home and you end up getting robbed.

And of course, don’t forget to add “known drug user” to your list of future housemate qualities to avoid.

Dave isn’t quite a drug dealer. I guess it was misleading when I said he sold his cocaine, but only on the casual basis that most drug users partake in. Also he’s not some hardcore junkie that some of you might picture him as. He is mostly a product of America’s rural drug epidemic. The county he’s from is very drug-riddled and I’m just happy he’s never done crystal meth because that seems to be the hard drug that’s most readily available. Dave is a pretty average small town kid that happens to do cocaine. It’s not really as bad as it may seem.
Now Tom is the one that worries me somewhat. Tom is as an absolute asshat. I never really liked him but he was oblivious enough not to notice. I’ve dealt with drug users often enough, and heroine addicts are the ones that usually steal and whatnot. But I’ve never dealt with a gay prostitute. I really don’t know what this implies. Hopefully nothing, since it’s not done here. Hopefully his pimp and/or his associates do not know our address. I can feel my blood pressure start to rise just as I write about Tom. Even without his new profession Tom is contemptible human being.
Also, my parents don’t even know that they’re gay, and they never will.
Theft yes, I am somewhat worried about but violence or rape, definitely not. Thanks for the advice everyone. Though I will look for other places to live I am not going to simply drop everything and run because my roommates became fucktards when I wasn’t looking.

They’re beyond “fucktards”, try criminals. If they’re that skeevy, get the fuck outta there!

Oh right, guys who are only dealing “a little” don’t really have to worry about going to jail or having the police bust in.

I guess I don’t understand why you are upset or annoyed. You don’t really care that the one roommate is dealing and you don’t really care that the other is a prostitute as long as he doesn’t bring his tricks home, which you don’t think he will. So what’s the problem then? That you’re afraid someone will steal your stuff? Then get a good lock on your door and carry on as normal.

My momma always told me that you’re known by the company you keep. While my momma’s advice on many other subjects has proven questionable, I think she was right about this: if you lie down with dogs, you rise up with fleas. Hanging around people who engage in criminal and/or morally repugnant behavior will do you no good, and might do you great harm. Please get away from these people and find some decent friends.

If moving out isn’t feasible, at the very least buy a lock for your bedroom door, and keep it locked when you’re not in there.

Again, my roommate is not a cocaine dealer. Also, because I’m more sympathetic to his situation doesn’t mean I approve of his choices. He comes from a family of drug users. Over the summer, his mother came to visit with her boyfriend, and her boyfriend asked him to find coke. He did coke with his mother. I can’t imagine what sort of psychological impact that had on him but I can see when he talks about it that he’s not comfortable with it, even though he tries to laugh it off.

Also, I’m aware that I’m being associated with these people and I don’t like it either. I’ve decided even before the prostitution thing came about that I was going to try to find a new group of friends. But I’m going to have to live with these guys so I’m going to stay cordial with them.

Yes. That explanation will do quite nicely when the police come battering through the door. Be sure the play up the “snorting coke with his mom” bit…I’m sure that will bring a tear to the officer’s eye.

Look, kid, you’re living with a couple of criminals. The police will come to the door, and you will find your ass in jail. And all the explanations of “it’s not me it’s them” will mean exactly squat to the judge. You realize by not saying anything you could be charged as an accessory or an accomplice? (IANAL, but I think that’s right)

NO, you do not have to live with them. Get out before you get stuck with a bill you can’t pay, and I do not mean an overdue phone charge.

Hi r4nd0m (may I call you that?),

The set-up must bother you if you came here to tell us about it.

Please take the advice of people who can be objective because they’re not part of your living situation.

It’s amazing the types of things that a person can forgive because it’s people she or he knows. A lot of things don’t seem so bad when you’re living them, but when you look back you really wonder how you did it. Unfortunately, this is the type of situation where you might have to deal with life-changing consequences (jail, for instance) because it didn’t seem so bad. Even with the backpedaling you’ve added since your OP, this is not a good or legally safe situation.

You don’t need to tell anyone why you’ve moved, but you REALLY need to get out.


Concerning the legality of my position, so even if I had never done or better yet even seen the cocaine being used, I am still liable just because I live with him? I mean if they were to drug test me, I would be clean.
Ivylass, I’m sure you’re a lot older and wiser than I am, but no one appreciates being called “kid” by a stranger. I don’t think you’ve ever been in my position and even if you have, it doesn’t give you the right to be condescending to me. Thanks.