This is perhaps the funniest employment rant ever – of course courtesy of the panache of the OP and the fact that she strikes chords of wit in nearly all Dopers.
However, OT though it may be, I have to remark that seeing the thread title, my immediate thought was “…and a draft choice to be named later.”
Hold out for a relief pitcher with a good fastball, Eve – you can have him throw a bean ball at the Screaming Fashion Harpy!
Well, I have had surprisingly little trouble from the Shrieking Fashion Harpy–my bete noir now is the Socially Inappropriate Photo Editor, whose personality I swear was arrested at age ten. She has loud, moronic conversations on the phone, hums to herself, treats her interns like pet kitties, and burbles happily about the celebs she knows and which ones are bitches.
Socially Inappropriate Photo Editor is more amusing than annoying, though, so I’d label the move a Success.
Please, people…I keep trying to tell you that the politically correct term for these unfortunates is “Social X-ray”.
HA! A few dead birds - feh!
The Boss bought a freezer full of rats a couple of months ago. 400 of 'em in fact. Unfortunately they not only weren’t bagged, they were mixed in with equally dead snakes, lizards, fish and crickets. Yep, a couple of birds too. All of it was just loose in the bottom of the freezer.
Did I mention the freezer had also ceased to work? And it was outside? In the rain?
Guess who spent DAYS bagging the whole mess up.
Under your desk? But you didn’t know what killed it! Haven’t you heard of diseases jumping species? :eek:
At Wife’s job at the wildlife center people used to keep “samples” in the fridge all the time. Never mind that the critter might’ve died of rabies; everybody had to get a rabies shot to work there anyway. And if that animal that just crapped and bled its last on someone’s clothes they’d wash it off in the ladies room and wipe up with a paper towel if they wiped up at all. She came to it from a human medical background and was appalled enough that she went out to lunch everyday, if only so she could go to the bathroom.
Eve Whenever the Socially Inappropriate Photo Editor mentions a celebrity death, giggle to yourself and mumble how 'I’ve fooled ‘em. They’ll never know the truth.’
Re F*ck Me Pumps
I’m also somewhat confused by the name. I first enountered them in the back of a girlfriend’s closet, next to various latex items. When she told me what they were called, I assumed that they were a dual use item. Long story short- unsatisfying experience, and a pair of ruined shoes.
Colibri The marvellous thing about that post is that, considering the columns you’ve written, you may not be joking.
Shirley Ujest If you’re worried that your model is obsolete, simply sen- [The remainder of this post has been deleted due to a rare use of DocCathode’s good sense.]
Was that before or after you became a doctor?
Is this really a movie, or are you just f*cking with me by getting my hopes up?
JS_Africanus
You wouldn’t make derisive comments if you had seen this woman’s closet.
Okay, I gots to get me those shoes. Did I mention my birthday is next Thursday? Hint hint…
Would I steer you wrong, elfkin? For your delectation: Female Trouble. 
…or if I had gone to med school in Haiti? Wait, what? I hope she didn’t pull a “Ton Ton Macoute Dargent Peytraud” with those hees.
No, it was simply that everything in that section of the closet was a ‘dual use item’. Everything opened up, inflated, or folded to reveal an autoerotic purpose. Remove the end of the flashlight, and you’d find a compartment designed for inserting something other than batteries. The Jessica Rabbit doll had been modified in ways not approved by Disney (It also had pressure sensors which triggered a voice module to say"'Pattycake!" and “Better than Goofy!”). The Roger Rabbit doll had been modified to match. Describing the whole collection would take several posts.
The whole thing is rather like mistaking the fancy soaps in the glass dish for candy.