I cannot take it one more goddam minute, the Pwincess and her Court (the baby-talking Wady Pwecious and their hanger-on, Sir Pwecious). I don’t mind work-related chatter, or occasional gossip, but these people never shut the f** up for five goddam minutes*, and it’s always at the top of their lungs. I mean wungs.
Since three people have just jumped ship for a start-up mag, I am asking to be moved alllll the way across the office to a small but tidy little cubicle (with a window!) far, far away fwom the Wand of the Pwecious.
You have my sympathies, and my envy. I’m in a not-too-different situation, but we have no spare cubicles. I’m in the center of the two loudest individuals in our office… one has a nasal voice and the **loudest cellphone ringtone ** in the world, and the other has the loudest conversational voice ever, loves the speakerphone, and says a big ‘Uhhhhh…’ every minute or so that he speaks.
And then the other guy next to me has a friend who wanders over from his cubicle on the other side of the office… said friend will ramble incoherently for half an hour… all the while sounding like he’s completely stoned… complete with inappropriate laughter.
I feel your pain. I will soon be having a conversation with my neighbor across the hall, Mr.-Apparently-I-don’t-know-what-the-handset-on-my-phone-is-for.
I can sympathize. My office is directly across from a lady who is very nice, but she has the absolute loudest speaking voice of anyone I’ve ever met. She constantly yells.
I actually had to shush her once in court. She was explaining her trial strategies to her client in a very loud whisper, right before their bench trial began. The prosecutor was only about ten feet away.
Others have complained that she gives them a headache with her booming voice.
I wear earplugs at work.
Oh, and count me as another who though “wand” was “wand”. I pictured Pwincess Pwecious as Gwenda the Good Witch who gave Dowothy the wuby slippeus.
Eve, though we have not interacted much, I have enjoyed the Pwincess Pwecious stories with great relish over the years. I just want to mention that you are doing the whole Doper community a disservice by removing yourself from that situation. I mean, sure, the sound of her voice may want to make you drive pencils into your eardrums so that you at last no longer hear her, but come on, take one for the team here! Pander to us!
Now my only blood enemy will be the Fashion Harpy, who strides up and down the hallways shrieking into her cellphone. Which I am going to shove so far down her pie-hole she’ll be farting busy signals.
I’m right across the hall from He-who-is-too-important-to-use-the-handset. And we don’t have doors. And since *He-who-is-too-important-to-use-the-handset * is also too important to actually **turn toward the microphone ** when impressing everyone with his speaker-phone prowess, he tends to shout. A lot. Toward me. *He-who-is-too-important-to-use-the-handset * must be taught a lesson. I’m wondering if clear fingernail polish dripped into the microphone would do it. Talking to him about the problem just made him chuckle. What problem? He doesn’t have a problem. Bastard.
Hope you get to move, Eve!! Or I hope Pweciouth loses her voice. Whichever makes you happier. <<insert evil smily here>>
Eve, pull yourself together girl and think of all your followers - the slack jawed, goobering followers ok, maybe don’t think about them…err …us. and forge right into the Wand of Pwincess Pwecious.
You have to do this, for our pathetic lives sake, ask to so say, " Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers."
No mon, I am not English, but Jamaican. I be too busy lately wit’ tings, y’know to take care of tings, so I’m a little behind. Relax, chill out to some reggee. Have a spliff. Tanks for playin’, mon.
Gracious sakes, Eve, when I read the title, I thought you were going to announce that you’d quit because you couldn’t take her any longer. I was looking forward to the drama that drove you to flee.
But the cell phone comment made up for the misunderstanding.
I’ve already started packing boxes, even though I won’t be moving till next week, so everyone thinks I’ve been fired or have quit. Ha! I even took my “Your Name Here” nameplate off my cubicle wall.
Downside to new space
It’s a lot smaller than my current rat-hole. But as long as I have a bulletin board for issue maps, and a place to put my reference books and Lava Lamp, I’m fine. Also, I will miss Thea, my neighbor, and some of the funnier Fashionistas.
Upside to new space
I am far, far fwom the Kingdom of the Pwecious. And I have a window! So when the terrorists blow up the landmark across the street, I’ll die instantly rather than suffer under heaps of rubble.
