The Weturn of Pwincess Pwecious

The BBQ Pit
1

She’s back from maternity leave. Damn. Two other women in my office went on maternity leave and never came back—both of them good workers, nice people. But the Pwincess—noted for her squeaky, adowable baby-talk voice—had to come back.

Not only does she regale everyone in the office with baby stories, flirt nauseatingly with all the men in the office—but now she calls home and talks baby talk to her baby. I need a hunchbacked assistant to pour boiling oil over the cubicle wall onto her. I swear, my head it going to explode if I have to listen to this inane prattling bitch for one more day . . .

2

“I need a hunchbacked assistant to pour boiling oil over the cubicle wall onto her.”

I’ll need to work on the hunch, but I’ll be happy to volunteer.

(Your title immediately made me hear, in my head, “Tonstant Weader fwowed up.”)

3

Awwww, is Eavey-weavey gwumpy today? Does she want a cookie? Yes she does! Yes she does!

4

I am so glad that I don’t have anyone like that near me. I wouldn’t deal well with it.

5

Hama - can I be the assistant hunchback? You know, get the oil heated, provide the asbestos gloves, and maybe work my way up to hunching?

6

Darn, I’m hunchFRONTED. Looks like i’ll still be collecting unemployment…

7

Hrrm wanna borrow my monkey army Eve? They don’t quite have glowing genitals yet, but they are slightly trained.

8

I can do a good leg-dragging I-gor…

“I come, Mistress…”

9

Yeah, so she’s annoying. But what we all want to know is: did she at least bring in some placenta stew for everyone?

10

LOL, rough. I can’t imagine anything more annoying than that…well, I can but it would be too disturbing to think about. Word to new parents: nobody gives a crap about your baby. That this lady sounds like a real annoyance to start out with, I can only imagine it’s double your pleasure now.

At least she calls home to talk to the baby…as opposed to calling home to talk to her cats. Now that is pathetic.

11

I’ll be the hunch!

12

I swear I am not making this up: she has just brought in one of those talking kiddie toys that laughs makes noises and goes “I Wuv Oo!”

Bring on the monkey army, CRorex—I can’t wait for their genitals to start glowing. This is an emergency.

13

This scalding is brought to you by Toyota – the hatchback fit for a hunchback!

14

I knew exactly who you were talking about. Does that mean I spend too much time on these boards? :wink:

15

Yes, Dooku, it seems Pwincess Pwecious has become one of the continuing characters on our little Board soap opera . . .

16

Gah. My kids are the center of the universe.

17

My kids (no longer babies) are the center of my universe, but I make no assumptions about them even being in any universe of any person not directly related to me.

18

That woman’s poor kid. It’s going to gwow up with a severe Elmer Fudd speech impediment, and may even need thewapy.

19

Eve,
I already HAVE the hump (well, surgically corrected scoliosis, anyway, but I think that would pass in a court of law) and I’ll be there in about 4 hours, boiling oil in tow.

I LOATHE the baby talk. Man, it makes me cwazy. I mean, crazy. I’m so sorry she came back AND now has a reason to tawk baby tawk. Awwww…in’t she da cootest? Who’s the cooootest baby?

20

What Daowajan said.

Seriously, don’t most pediatricians tell you NOT to talk baby talk to your children?