I think it was in the mid-'70s that, IIRC, I read an article in Flying magazine called Japan Zero-Zero, are you declaring an emergency?. The secondary title was something like ‘Things might have been different if the FAA had been defending Pearl Harbor’. The humour article was in the style of a post-crash analysis, which was a feature of Flying (or another magazine) that presented the factual information on an aviation accident, a transcript of communications, and a conclusion as to the cause of the accident.
The gist of it was this: A Japanese aircraft, call sign Japan Zero-Zero, was leading a flight of 300 aircraft to Pearl Harbor. Communications between ATC and the Japan Zero-Zero were routine until Japan 00 and flight were told to hold outside of controlled airspace to allow a priority flight of B-17s from the mainland to land. Japan 00 reports that his and the flight’s fuel situation was becoming an issue, and then becoming critical. ATC asks, ‘Japan 00, are you declaring an emergency?’ Japan 00 replies that they have jettisoned some ‘cargo’, and thought they’d be OK.
Eventually Japan 00 and the flight of 300 aircraft ran out of fuel and crashed on and around the islands. The transcript indicated garbled communications toward the end. The conclusion was that Japan 00 and flight failed to read the NOTAM warning that a priority flight would be arriving, and that other aircraft would have to old outside of controlled airspace until the B-17s landed. Had they paid attention to the NOTAM, Japan 00 and flight could have planned their trip accordingly and would have had sufficient fuel to complete their flight.
The radio transcript portion of the article was spot-on, in regards to style and content as it appeared in transcripts of actual crashes and investigations, and as printed in the magazine’s regular feature. Funny stuff.
The good news is that I thought it was so funny at the time, that I typed it out. The bad news is that that document is squirrelled away in a box somewhere – unless I inadvertently tossed it at some point.
I know that there are people here on The Straight Dope who have resources that allow them to search book and magazine archives, and the uncanny ability to use those resources effectively. Can one of you A) Find the magazine issue in which the article appeared? It was probably Flying, but dad also got AOPA Pilot. I think the style was more in line with Flying. B) Find the actual article, either as a transcript or a .pdf scan?
