You sneaky, slimy, creepy, perfectly clear bastards! Brilliant blue or scarlet red, I can kinda deal with. Okay not deal with. But convince myself I have a fighting chance of spotting one of you pricks in the clear waters of the otherwise lovely Andaman sea. Perhaps more illusion than reality, I willingly admit, but at least it’s something.
But no, you’re all dinner plate size gelatinous nastiness that one can hardly detect when you’re washed up dead on the beach! ( yes, yes, I do rejoice when I see your dead self baking in the sun!) Much less detect in the damn water!
And every damn book or authority tells a different time of day, season, tide condition to avoid, to reduce odds of contact. That’s not terribly helpful, pricks!
Now I know, you’re thinking, Geeze Elbows, if they’re washing up on the seashore they are probably in the water, but I have been on many, many beaches where some hideous creature has washed ashore and swum without incident, clearly a one off kind of deal.
And yes, yes, there were tiny microscopic unseen jellies that, from time to time would give a swimmer a tiny zing, not unlike salt in a small cut, but they raised no welt, left not a mark, and everyone on the beach agreed only wusses and sucks would really let that interfere with their fun.
And then, one day, your number comes up. Okay, I admit there were some clues I chose to ignore. The sea was especially rough, but hey, who doesn’t love a little wave action after days of perfect calm? And yes, it was not as crystal clear as calmer days, and there was tons of heretofore unseen seaweed clumps. And it was late in the afternoon when the tide was sweeping in, and I fully admit I was aiming to stay in the ocean and catch the wicked sunset in a two birds, one stone, kind of multitasking efficiency.
None of which excuses that clear jellyfishes are the devil’s spawn. Know that I despise you with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. And while I am generally an animal lover you fully deserve to be wiped off the earth, and if I possessed the power you most certainly would be, this very day.
Fortunately, I possess pretty good reaction times, so my injury was not an actual maiming. Just a large unsightly welt or three, which stung like a dozen bees stings, remains swollen, and appears to want to become some sort of blood blister type deal. Makes sleeping difficult and wearing clothing I’ll advised, still, a day later. None of the immediate suggestions really delivered the relief I sought either. Not the vinegar, not the hand sanitizer, not the balm, not the aloe. Short term relief but it’s coming back for you. Probably in the night.
And certainly it could have been worse, by orders of magnitude. There are many more tender spots than an outer thigh, I’m aware. Poor solace. Stop pointing that out to me, or I’ll put a jelly fish in your path, so help me!
And no, let me repeat, NO, I do not want you to pee on me. Stop suggesting that. Still. 24 hrs later!
Die you hideous creatures, Die I say!
