Jerkish characters (beginning with The Beatles) in songs

Cafe Society
1

I was going to make this just about The Beatles yet I reckon I’ve got them covered. If I missed any, add them in.

Now these aren’t necessarily evil characters (excepting Maxwell yet he was misunderstood and it was the times, man)

So I’ll have it at those Beatles and we can go to other bands?

Let’s get Maxwell and his silver hammer out of the way right off.

Paul in “Lovely Rita Maid” - clearly he’s getting out of a ticket. “May I inquire discreetly, when are you free to take some tea with me?” They go out, she pays the bill and somehow two sisters on the couch prevent him from getting laid.

The Taxman. “Here’s one for you and nineteen for me.” Cause I’m the Taxman. Okay, he’s supposed to be a Jerk. Yet in all of George’s oeuvre the bad guy is the one who wants to take advantage of you. And George was otherwise too nice, both IRL and his lyrics.

Paul again: “She was just seventeen. You know what I mean.” - Hey it was the times man. You know what I mean.

Doctor Roberts: I have less a problem with a doctor who gives me plenty of prescription drugs. But you gotta keep it in check. Keith Moon just one example of mixing powerful Diazepam’s and alcohol.

John Lennon: “Run for your life”. The whole song.

“Getting Better” Chorus with John and George yet mostly Paul: “Getting Better” - This one gets a quote:

I used to used to be cruel to my woman
I beat her and kept her apart from the things that she loved
Man, I was mean but I’m changing my scene
And I’m doing the best that I can (Fool, you fool)

2

I submit Lottie, from “The Curse of Milhaven,” by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.

Although “jerkish” is maybe a bit mild for her.

3

John in “Norwegian Wood”. Yeah, ok, she led you on a little bit, but did you have to burn down the fucking house?

4

Just to steer the thread from “just 17 you know what I mean” kind of jailbate kind of songs - I mean I know I saw Paul McCartney and Billy Joel play “I saw her standing there” at least as late as 1988 at Shea Stadium.

Ted Nugent named a song “Jailbait” and one of his fine lyrics is (“Well, I don’t care if you’re just 13 ”)

Gary Puckett wrote “Young Girl” and it wasn’t just the times - a 14 year old girl can look 20.

Kiss wrote " ‘Christine Sixteen’" so I’ll say no more/

The Rolling Stones “Stray Cat Blues” Mick and (some of the lads) get with two 15-year-olds (some live versions go with 13)

The Police with “Don’t Stand So Close to Me”. I don’t believe Sting the Teacher goes as far as the guy in “that book by Nabokov”

Spinal Tap: ‘Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight’. “You’re too young, and I’m too well hung.” I think it’s a parody yet Ted Nugent could easily have written it.

Finally (for this posts purposes), poor Jim Croce gets 20 years for an encounter with a member of a girl band (so one would assume she’s at least a mid-teenager) in “‘Five Short Minutes’”

Chuck Berry, the list where (“it was the times, man”) goes on and on.

5

The narrator in nearly every single song that Jagger wrote the lyrics to on Aftermath

6

The age of consent was and still is 16 in the UK, and it’s clearly meant to be one teenager singing about another teenager. There’s nothing jailbaity about it.

7

Plus, the song is about holding hands, dancing, and falling in love, all pretty innocent if you take it at face value.

8

“Young Girl” by Gary Puckett & The Union Gap, on the other hand…

9

The narrator (Paul) is kind of a dick in “We Can Work It Out.” The whole song is basically “Hey girl, my way or the highway.”

10

Yeah, what you & Thudlow said.

I guess it was the sly “you know what I mean” yet that was more about hot looking 17 year girls and indeed Paul was a teenager when he wrote it so all good. . And indeed, they just dance through the night and hold each other tight.

11

He’s just an Excitable Boy

12

We have Billy Gibbons expressing his love to thirteen-year-old Francine. I mean, c’mon, dude. Really?

13

Love Warrren Zevon

He took little Suzie to the Junior Prom (Ooh, ah-ooh)
“Excitable boy,” they all said (Ooh-ooh, excitable boy)
And he raped her and killed her, then he took her home (Ooh, ah-ooh)
“Excitable boy,” they all said (Ooh-ooh, excitable boy)
Well, he’s just an excitable boy

From the album of the same name. Got little airplay. Neither did “Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner”. It’s brilliant satire!

Back to jerks/bad-guys:

You better stay away from him
He’ll rip your lungs out,Jim
Huh, I’d like to meet his tailor

– “Werewolves of London”

And his hair was perfect

I always think of Tom Cruise from “The Color of Money” mouthing this line and running his fingers through his hair when I hear this line.

ETA: Neither Maxwell or the “excitable boy” were apprehended ad went to trial (at least where the judge survived)

14

Ringo Starr had a solo no 1 [with Paul Mc on board] with You’re Sixteen, a cover but probably more blatantly teen-sexualising than ‘I saw her standing there’.

15

Making love in the afternoon with Cecilia
Up in my bedroom
I got up to wash my face
When I come back to bed
Someone’s taken my place

Damn, that’s harsh.

16

The singer in Nick Lowe’s I Trained her to Love Me

This one’s almost done now to watch her fall apart
I trained her to love me so I can go ahead and break her heart

17

Jerry Lee Lewis had them all beat in real life. Myra Williams was 13 when he married her (Lewis was her first cousin once removed).

18

Again, 16 is the age of consent in the UK.

19

Jerry Lee Lewis wasn’t breaking any laws when he married his thirteen year-old cousin, either, doesn’t mean it wasn’t fuckin’ gross.

20

If Ringo Starr had sung a song called “I, Richard Starkey, age 33 at the time of this recording, am harboring romantic interest towards a 16-year-old”, you’d have a point, but the song isn’t sung from his perspective. It’s a teenager singing about another teenager, both of whom are legal adults. The viewpoint character in a song isn’t necessarily the person singing it.