"Jesus came to die..." and sell Christmas cards

My fanatically religious fundamentalist cousins sent me their annual Christmas card. Inside, in print, it says, “Be still, and know that I am God.”

Above the print, they wrote, “Jesus came to die and give you life.” So obviously, they believe in magic.

Maybe I’ll send them a return card for the next pagan holiday. Oh, wait, that would be Christmas. So what bon mot should I write?

I’m not concerned with offending them, as they are beyond redemption (ha!).

Anyone know a parallel saying in some other religion?

Send them a blank card, and don’t write anything inside it.

If they ever call you and ask you about it, just let them know that God wrote some very important words in there, but only followers of the one true religion can read it.

There’s some Eastern religion where they say Wattana solayam!, but I’m not sure which one - perhaps you could use that.

It would be nice to know what it means first, and google isn’t any help.

Did anyone die in other religions just so I could live? I’d like to have a choice before believing.

No, other religions feature gods dying so the corn will grow, or gods nailed to a tree so they can learn to read and write and pass it on to men, and where they talk about afterlives at all, you get what you’re given - deities don’t go around offering themselves up as substitutory sacrifices to get you into Valhalla or Elysium or anywhere like that, and from what I remember of the Tiger Balm Gardens when I was an impressionable child, the Chinese Hells aren’t nice at all. As to the other, my spelling could be way off and I’m completely brainfarting on the religion or the language, though it sounds vaguely South-East Asian to me.

Maybe I could dig up a quote from Aslan, who did. “Child…”

I believe you’ve just been whooshed, friend. Sound out the phrase.

[Nelson] HA-ha [/Nelson]

Hasa diga eebowai?

I always heard it as whataboob eyeyam. It’s my fave mantra.

Owa taygu Siam!

Hey! I resemble that remark.

Redd Foxx died for my sins.

I don’t have any sins. Jesus died in vain.

I’ve always liked “Christ gave up a weekend for your sins.”

“Santa came to eat cookies and give me presents.”

Chuck Norris came to kick ass and chew bubble gum.

And he’s out of bubble gum.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster came to assault the Swedish Chef and to free all pasta from being cooked al dente.

Jesus saves…at Walmart!

Cthuhlu will come, unleashing horrors and torments without precedent on the human race as he devours all reality; your only hope is to be eaten first.