Jesus: queer as $3 bill?

I’m putting this is the Pit so people can explain what an asshole I am. This may be old hat, but I couldn’t find such a thread in the archives.

I was going to start a thread asking why the Nag Hammadi texts havn’t really made an impact on mainstream Christianity. Then I found a coupledifferent sites discussing “gay Jesus” theories, the pro-homosexuality “Church of the Beloved Disciple,” and Morton Smith’s translation of the Secret Gospel of Mark, which sounds very naughty, but has supposedly been ~falsified by the academic community. There are a number of passages in the Gospel of Thomas, esp. passage #22, that are suggestive… but the whole book is cryptic, as befits an esoteric religious teaching.

Hey, sounds as reasonable to me as the “Jesus was a hermaphrodite” theory, the “Jesus was a sacrificial Indo-European sacred God-king” theory, the “Jesus was a supernatural being” theory, etc.

What do y’all think? Silly? *very * silly? Is this just the work of undercover gay provocateurs (hee-hee)?

Well, as long as the Nag Hammadi texts have “the gospel of truth”, then who can argue with truth? If you do a search on the internet of Jesus’ ‘hidden years’ between 12 and 30, you’ll find he was a monk, Buddhist, ninja etc. As for Morton Smith, didn’t he lose all his manuscripts? Must be authentic if he had one whole manuscript and lost it. I could see how unimportant someone would think an original manuscript would be. Or maybe the guys from Area 51 came with the members from the Illuminate, to get them.

And I don’t think you’re an ass, but if you choose to believe things like this that you read, then you’re maybe a bit gullible, and you may be one of those guys who keeps forwarding the emails about how some chickens from Kellogs kill everyone, there’s lead in this makeup, nuclear waste in that fast food chain, and Coke cans explode when opened near HOH.

Oh, and that’s Illuminati, spell checker problems…or is it that they don’t want me to display their names…

What about books that say that the earth was created in 6 days, the whole world was flooded and all animals were stuffed on a 450 foot boat, and that the stars are set in a a firmament?:rolleyes:

But the irony of the thing is just awesome. “Reverend Mr. Phelps, may I introduce Jesus of Nazareth, flaming queer and Savior of Mankind.”

Svt4him, I see no reason to disbelieve that the Nag Hammadi texts are authentic. Whether you want to believe them as truth or dismiss them as outside the orthodoxy as was originally done is up to you, but I just wanted to point out that they seem to be historical documents.

Oh, come now. Nice Jewish boy, lives at home till he’s 33, works in his father’s business, perfect Mom…

Gay? Nah.

Ad hominem attack against Svt4him. SInce his argument had nothing to do with the Old Testament, why are putting this here?

He equates believing the Nag Hammadi texts are historical to believing that antiperspirant’s cause breast canecer, etc. I was pointing out the hypocritical irony of that.

The entire issue is somewhat reminiscent of the people who are so insistent that the Frodo-Sam relationship in “Lord of the Rings” is some sort of revolutionary homosexual relationship.

I just have to take exception to the notion that just cause a bill says $3 on it, you automatically assume it’s attracted to other $3 bills of the same gender.

Thats racist!

That’s big of you not to think I’m an ass. I wish I was as magnanimous. Actually, what I said was that I believe it is just as likely Jesus was gay as he was a supernatural being- not very likely at all. Actually, I believe it is more likely that he was gay, since I am a rational materialist (with doubts about that too). I don’t just go around believing things 'cause someone wrote tham down. You should actually read some of the Christian books of the NH codicies (some of them are not really all that Christian) if you have any interest in what Jesus actually said, since there are prolly a lot of elements of the “Q source” in it that were not included in the other gospels.

But you’ve already got a hermetically sealed set of beliefs, so why would the truth interest you at all?

Also, it is natural and beautiful when two $3 bills develop special feelings for each other. I never meant to imply otherwise.

I’m not a Christian myself, but if he ever does return to this world, I think coming back gay would be an excellent way to seperate the true believers from the Pharisees.

I was hoping for a very angry black lesbian.

On a related note…
A network (i can’t remember which one) is coming out with an hour long documentary on whether or not Jesus was married to Mary Magdelene. Also, that she fled into hiding with their child after his death

This is an old theory as well, it’s been getting more interest because of the DaVinci Code. I guess there was underground group who believed this. DaVinci was actually a member.

Will we ever really know if any of the stories are actually true? Probably not, it’s been too long and all the evidence at this point is pretty dicey. But then, I say that about the bible and look at how serious some people take that.

But regardless, I think Miller has a really good idea there.

This at last explains His long blonde hair, and wearing that white dress all the time.

Dude! Jesus was a ninja? Of course! It all makes sense now!

–scampers off to church–

’possum stalker, I really wish you had started this in GD, REGARDLESS of where you thought it would end up. I’m locking this down. Feel free to start up a thread about the same subjects in GD.

For the Straight Dope.