Tried to search for this. Hope I’m not repeating something that’s already been posted, but this made me smirk enough to bother sharing.
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Random funny comment I’m stealing from somebody else:
“I heard George RR Martin joined Twitter just so he could kill 140 characters.”
Feel free to add more!
“Do you like Kipling?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never kipled.”
Why was the raven haired gent depressed?
ETA: More of a quote, but: “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” -Groucho Marx
Theater Major gets to the register in the cafeteria, and finds himself a little short on cash. Turns to the Lit Major behind him to ask for a loan…
Lit Major: “Neither a borrower nor a lender be.”–Shakespeare
Theater Major: “Fuck you.”–Tennessee Williams
LITERARY THEME PARK IDEAS
The Stephen King ride: You fasten the seat belt, start off great, then it gets terrifying, then it runs out of steam you spend the second half of the ride just kind of riding around aimlessly before the car just sort of stops nowhere in particular.
There’s a new Anne Rice ride there as well. Actually it’s not new: it’s the exact same as the last 8 Anne Rice rides but they’ve changed the name and the cover art.
Take out the terrifying part and you’ve got the John Grisham ride.
I suppose the Richard Bachman ride would be the same thing, but everyone dies by the end?
James McNeill Whistler came up with a bon mot (now lost to history) that particularly tickled Oscar Wilde, who admitted, “I wish I’d said that!”
“You will, Oscar,” Whistler replied. “You will.”
Old joke (told when Haley was still alive):
Did you hear that Alex Haley died? Yep, suicide. He found out he was adopted.
The poet Keats lay on his bed
Sad, penniless, and nearly dead.
When suddenly on his window sill
A nightingale appeared with a ten dollar bill.
“Keats”, the bird chirped in a gentle tone.
“Remember this is just a loan.”
And so Keats, though wan and pale,
Wrote of what he owed to a nightingale.
Dorothy Parker: “What writes worse than Theodore Dreiser? *Two *Theodore Dreisers!”
“Ernie Hemmeroid, the poor man’s Pyle”
Made by Hemmingway himself, perhaps fearing someone else would have thought it up.
Tailor (holding up pants): You Rippa dese?
Owner of pants: Yeah.* You menda dese?*
[spoiler]
Tailor: Euripides
Owner of pants: Yeah Eumenides [/spoiler]
Gabriel Kaplan told that on Welcome Back, Kotter, of all places. Without explanation.
What do you get when you cross a godfather with Umberto Eco?
Someone who will make you an offer you can’t understand.
It’s a bit long, but there’s Twain’s famous riff on Longfellow, Holmes, and Emerson.
And not a literary joke but still funny, from his review of James Fenimore Cooper:
Rene Descartes walks is sitting in a bar, drinking a beer. When he finishes, the bartender asks if he’d like another. Descartes says “I don’t think” and immediately disappears.
Actual joke by Vonnegut: why do you call the inside part of bird shit?
Shane Black’s scripting fee for the first “Lethal Weapon” movie worked out to $42,500 per anal sex reference.
There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves Orcs.
This is completely wrong. The other, of course, involves long and painstaking descriptions of miscellaneous imaginary botany.
I’ll bet Sue Grafton was really pissed off when Alan Moore wrote “V for Vendetta”.