Journalistic Crap

I have lived in five major cities and I used to travel 35-40 weeks a year for business and I must say that in every city on every station, the local news sucks so bad it makes you want to vomit. They all are horrible, horrible pieces of journalistic crap. I’m so tired of these “create your own news stories” that these idiots run every other day. “The 10 most dangerous intersections in Detroit” “The Dirtiest Restaurants in St. Louis”, blah, blah, blah.

What ever happened to reporting the F-ing news? Just tell me what happened, tell me what is going on in this city and shut up. Quit running three minute pieces on animal abuse, and barely mentioning five innocent inner-city youths who got blown away when a drive-by went wrong. Have some godamn priorities.

Also, stop running five-second promos at 6:30 like “something every mother should hear about the safety of your child” to scare people into watching your pathetic newscast and then ending the newscast by saying something obvious like “every child needs oxygen or they will die, Good night”. Spare me you sick bastards.

Does your local news suck? If it does, what is the alternative? The internet? NPR? National News? PBS? Newspapers? Somebody vent with me!!!

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don’t have it.
George Bernard Shaw

The worst is when the news programs create theme songs for specific news stories. What, we have to hear a friggin’ song to be interested in news?

I find, without exception, that local TV news is shallow, trivialized bullshit. For real news, I listen to NPR, read the paper, or do news searches on the internet.

Well, there are certain local news annoyances that are specific to the area.

Here in good ol’ sunny Southern California my favorite is this: it has begun to drizzle outside, and it’s a mite chilly. Here’s the news promo (complete with approrpiate graphics and music)


It’s hilarious.

But I have two primary beefs with local news:

  1. They can’t write worth a damn, or half the time pronounce what IS written - and if it is a word of more than 3 syllables, chances are it will be used incorrectly.

  2. TELLING ME HOW I"M SUPPOSED TO FEEL ABOUT IT. If there used to be one rule about reporting the news, it is that it would be reported in a NEUTRAL voice. No matter how obvious it may be that a child getting mauled by a dog is a sad and horrific event, I do NOT wish to be told so by my local news team!! I want them to simply inform me of the news, whatever it may be, and leave it to ME to figure out how tragic, troubling, wonderful, etc. it may be.


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I’ve found the best bet is usually to stick to the papers. I read the Chicago Tribune, which while not perfect, at least comes in handy separate sections so I can read the main news part and toss the quasi-news in the trash if I’m not interested. Of course, I generally read it all anyway. There are, of course, newspapers out there that are even drier although they’re national newspapers like the Wall Street Journal. I don’t think I’ve watched a local newscast in years, since they’re more concerned with little sound-bites of this and that than telling you anything useful and tend to be three parts ‘human interest’ to every one part news.

“I guess it is possible for one person to make a difference, although most of the time they probably shouldn’t.”

::grumbles, having been misquoted in the Trib::


 Phenomenal woman
 Bitch Corporate Lawyer
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Since I started my business, I’ve gotten a fair smatter ing of news coverage. USA Today, Washington Post, LA Weekly, and various others.

And you know what I’ve learned?

No journalilst EVER gets it COMPLETELY right. Ever. Even the simplest things just fall apart in the hands of a journalist. It has given me a whole new view of the news stories I read.


Boycott shampoo! Demand REAL poo!