You’d be surprised.
That is, if you’ve never actually listened to what people ask bus drivers.
“Excuse me driver, but is it true what I’ve heard about the wheels on the bus?”
Loved that so much I just tried it…
“You WILL back away from the driver’s seat, and you WILL sit as far back as possible AND as utterly silent as possible. And you WILL not annoy me EVER again, or those wheels on the bus are gonna be like a rolling pin on your head!”
Mini rants thread, of all places, just gave me the best laugh. Thanks, kayaker and digs. 
*{{high-fives kayaker}} *
Just like we planned it!
All those nights in the bar practicing really paid off…
The library. We were practicing at the library. 
Don’t worry. That’s what I told your wife.
When we hooked up at… at the… crocheting club!
It’s too hot to wear a bra. Ugh.
And now I’m singing to myself about bus wheels …
FUCKING OW OW OW OW OW
I really need to start wearing gloves when I harvest the cucumbers. >.< Some of the spines are so large that I’m having to pull them out of my hands with tweezers.
The A/C failed in my car back in June. Since I’m planning on getting a new car soon, I decided to just go without A/C, rather than putting any money into this one. Then I had to take a 5-hour trip today, in temperatures in the 90s, driving on the freeway with all the windows open, the wind pounding in my ear drums. I don’t know how people drive in convertibles.
Fuck it, I’m getting the A/C fixed Monday morning.
SNAKE!!
Each summer my job is to catch and bag any garter snake my gf sees in our yard, so that she can relocate it to the woods far from our home. We do this not because she’s afraid of snakes, but rather because she loves toads far more than snakes.
Today she was excited to find a non-garter species! It was a black rat snake, close to five foot long. I almost had control of it when she SCREAMED. It was rattling its tail, mimicking rattlesnake behavior. I eventually found her a cite that agreed with me that the snake was harmless, but it was still my job to take it to its new home.
We have an old Aston-Martin* that isn’t worth putting a dime into.
But the weather hit 100º (F., as luck would have it) and I took it to a friend who’s a mechanic. After he got over the excitement of working on the car that James Bond drove**, he said he could ignore the multiple little leaks in the A/C system, and just fill it up with coolant.
So he did. It cost thirty bucks and it leaked out over the course of the next couple of weeks, which was the extent of the really hot weather. So it was worth it.
As was the ejector seat***.
*Well, okay, it’s a mini-van…
**Never happened…sigh.
***Look, in real life I drive a rusty mini-van. Beige. Can I at least be a little cool here?
My hot weather season lasts many weeks longer ( pretty much April through September) so when my AC went out, I went ahead and bought a new car. I love my new car but the service/follow up from the dealership has been nothing but CRAP. Piddly shit, by all accounts, but important to me.
You were. At least until the coolant leaked out:)
My rant: Co-worker, the phrase is ‘I saw’. It is not ‘I seen’. It is occasionally ‘I’ve seen,’ and in those cases I can happily pretend my ear missed the 've. Most of the time your sentence structure dictates ‘I saw’
:: pant :: I’m feeling much better now
I gave up on this a while ago. It’s essentially standard English where I live. I wish people would stop because it might cause me to grind my teeth into smooth nubbins, but it’s at least as widely-used as “ain’t.”
Sibling rite of passage: Thing 1 cut Thing 2’s hair.
I decided to ignore it for tonight and deal with it tomorrow.
Dialect-based stuff like that doesn’t bother me. It’s hypercorrection that makes me want to scream. NO, the present is NOT from John and I, and he did not take it to Meg and I, and this whole conversation is not between you and I, and if you have such a tin ear that you can’t tell subject from object, you shouldn’t be allowed to use language to begin with ARRRGHHHH WENCH SMASH.
This, a thousand times.
And how many brain cells does it take, to understand that “it’s” is not a possessive?
Hey, that sounds like emails I’ve seen at work. “The meeting is for all employee’s. It’s topic will be heat safety.”
GAAAAAAAAAHHHH
It’s “topic” will be: ‘Punctuation’…
Which brings up my pet peeve. The Random Quotation Marks.
I get that some people think they’re for emphasis, so the laundromat washer has a sign reading Quarters “Only”…
But some just defy logic, like
Fresh-Picked “Peaches”!
(I always read it as “Most people think they’re peaches, but we just clued you in that they’re a clever fake!”)
Wow, I’m not alone! Buzzfeed has a gallery!
There’s even “a Blog”! http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/
Attention Wal-mart shoppers! The self-checkout lane is not for people who have a fully-loaded cart. It is for people like me with one box of cat litter or the guy next to me who has three things.