Polycarp:
*I’m willing to try to answer questions with regard to the incident, with these caveats:
- I personally assume the incident to be an encounter with the Christian God, for reasons I’ll get into. However, for purposes of this discussion, let’s make no presumptions. The entity did not claim creatorship to me; therefore, to identify it as such is inference, not direct evidence.
- All metaphysics, including the default zero-base one, are tabled. Whether Joe Christian believes out of fear or Jonah is fable have nothing to do with this – I dislike superstition as much as the next guy. What I want to do here is examine a faith-producing conversion experience as rationally as possible – and your assumption that it must have been my subconscious because God is a myth is as far out of court as the classic “use the Bible to prove the Bible” argument.
- I have noted myself doing a touch of confabulation in retelling this. I will attempt to give as accurate and objective answers as possible – but I do note that that problem is present.*
All right I’m game, can you start by stating which parts of your story are confabulation?
I was raised to respect the ability of the sciences to describe and interpret natural phenomena and enable us to learn new ways to do things. My parents were firm rationalists. My aunt early encouraged my enjoyment of science fiction and its ability to evoke a sense of wonder while remaining within the realm of possibility under natural law. I was baptized and raised a Methodist with the idea that God works through the world He made and the laws He laid down for its operation.
Sounds as though you were destined to be face internal conflict when science and religion give different answers.
When I was about 15, I began having doubts about the sorts of stuff I was being fed in church. So, alone in the balcony area at church, I prayed what I call the Skeptic’s Prayer, essentially, “O God, if there is a God, give me some sort of sign that you’re real.” And I immediately got a sense of inner assurance , and within a few moments, the congregation began singing “My Faith Looks Up to Thee.”
Not exactly a bolt of lightning is it? I would suggest that church perhaps isn’t the best place for your “skeptics prayer” as the odds of the congregation singing your song or something with words you would have attributed as equally meaningful is probably 1 in perhaps 2? If we allow for the likelihood that you made your prayer more than once, then a meaningful song following shortly after one of them becomes an almost certainty. As for the inner assurance, maybe you felt it, and it is about as meaningful as the inner assurance a compulsive gambler feels after he places a bet on a pony. Maybe you didn’t even feel it but subconsously inserted it into your memory at a later date as you didn’t think the song part was strong enough evidence on it’s own. Would you agree that it is widely known that memories are fuzzy things and often subjective?
That satisfied my intellectual doubts. I believed – accepted – that God existed
That sounds way too easy for me. Don’t you think that the ease of your satisfaction at least suggests a predisposition to wanting to believe in god?
I married and my wife and I, seeking a more liturgical and Eucharistically oriented expression of faith, joined the Episcopal Church. One key element in this decision was that the first time we entered the particular parish church we converted at, she had a classic deja vu experience – the building’s layout and ritual matched a dream she had had.
Again we have the subjective memory which could easily fit the dream to the church combined with the fact that many churches look alike and many services are similar; stand, sit, sing, pray, light candles, listen to sermon, etc. Visit enough churches and you will likely find one resembling the generic one your wife had in a dream.
22 years ago, she and I enrolled in Lay Theological Education by Extension, a program offered by the University of the South where parish clergy are trained as mentors and laymen enrolling receive the quivalent of 1.5 years of seminary training spread over a four year span.
You realize that the theory of cognitive dissonance suggests that the more time and effort one puts into a concept the harder it will be for them to accept that the concept may not be true and as such will reinterpret their objective conflicting experience so as to make it align with their held beliefs. Otherwise they would feel stupid for having put so much time and effort into an erroneous concept. Do you accept this?
In the course of this, in a session dealing with the bizarreries Paul addresses in his letters to the Corinthians, I encountered God in a Person-to-person way, and found my belief changed from intellectual credence that to placing one’s trust in.
Well, I’ll leave alone the fact that you stated you don’t really put your trust what Paul wrote in the bible. However this person-to-person encounter with god; how did he introduce himself, what did he say, what did he look like?
Sheer honesty has caused me to examine that experience skeptically. But it was certainly nothing I had expected, hoped for, or even would have desired.
Are you sure that you wouldn’t have desired the above? Don’t you feel at least a little special knowing that god would take time out of running the universe to have a person-to-person encounter with you? I just can’t imagine that there would be no selfish component to this experience.
And that led to some serious changes in our lives, the seeking out for more vibrant faith experiences, and an awakening to the underlying message of the Bible, to which I had been quite blind.
That message being, praise me or suffer the consequences.
Seven years after that I had a heart attack and cardiac bypass surgery. And the reading that I had been scheduled to do the day I had the surgery, which my wife read aloud in my place, was Ezekiel 36:24-28: “I will give you a new heart and a new spirit. I will take away your heart of stone, and give you a heart of flesh, and I will put my spirit within you.” I was supposed to read it; instead, I experienced it.
See but this isn’t really that great of a fit either though is it. Prior to the surgery did you really have a heart of stone? After all you had met person to person with god before that and had already been awakened to the underlying message to the bible right? Plus you didn’t get a new heart, (perhaps if it were a transplant it would be a better fit) but rather got some additional plumbing added to it to help the circulation. The myocardial cells killed in the infarction are still dead are they not? Also my concordance of the bible has shows the word “heart” listed over 800 times making the chances of reading a passage containing it less than astronomically against.
And the only accurate description of what happened between the last-named boy, the best friend, and me, is that we fell in love. In a very Platonic, non-sexual way, to be sure, but in every other way the epitome of a one-on-one need-him, movie love affair.
I fail to see how you falling in love with a boy is evidence for the existence of god?
And what we discovered as we explored what this relationship meant was that we each were given the gifts necessary to reach out and heal the hurts in the other. The hurt and anger that his broken and self-centered family had caused him, and the locking away of my emotions, were things each of us had the talent to fix in the other. And, quite literally, we grew to be able to read each other’s thoughts, and I found myself equipped with the right words to say to him, without conscious thought, in a very mystical, Marcan way. And I have seen him and his love as one of God’s great gifts to me.
Lots of people have friends, even really good friends and I still don’t see this as evidence for the supernatural. Rather that people tend to like those who can help them with their selfish needs and if it is a mutual benefit then all the better. Richard Dawkins could explain this quite well without having to resort to the supernatural.
This in turn led to a healing of my own marriage, an ability to show and be shown love between me and my wife that had not been there before (she’d had much the same hide-your-feelings upbringing). And together we were able to help that boy and his wife through the inevitable rocky road that the first few years of marriage often bring
So then you guys are now living your lives all happily ever after? No more rocks in the road?
- – in a bit of inevitable irony, he married the sister of the boy whose homelessness had started this whole train of events – who, in turn, first dated the boy who loved me’s sister and then married their cousin.*
You would suggest that a boy marrying a girl with whom he was acquainted is a miracle?
And we all see God’s hand at work in causing this sequence of events, and working through the free will and personalities of the participants to everyone’s greater good.
I would suggest god’s hand here would interfere with free will but that’s another topic.
Now, it is quite possible to see all of the above as a series of chance events, to interpret it phenomenologically without reference to God. But I consider that He has demonstrated His existence and goodwill adequately to me to take my experiences of Him at face value, as really what they purport to be, and not as self-delusional wish-fulfillment – particularly since insofar as I can tell, I had absolutely no desire, either consciously or subconsciously, to be drawn out of the comfortable barriacades where I dealt with the world intellectually and did not have to risk emotional bruising.
How could you know what your subconscious desires are? I don’t know you personally but from what I gather from your postings is that you are on the far side of middle age, of less than ideal health, and reported having financial troubles suggesting a less than ideal retirement. Can you honestly say that accepting the scenario I listed excluding the supernatural would be less comfortable and desirable than believing that you were personally contacted by god to spread his word and that regardless of your past and future earthly troubles, eternal paradise awaits?
Given this, do you consider that I am operating on an irrational basis?
Yes. Rational behavior, IMO, would be spend your time saving a nest egg and exercising to strengthen your cardiovascular system rather than typing on the internet about pixies in the sky.
But I am addressing the world on the basis of Ockhamic methodology – accepting that as accurate description which most simply explains the phenomena under consideration and does not require assumptions beyond those necessary to explain them.
Are you sure about that?