I’ve been coping with depression for years, and in '03 or '04 my doctor tentatively diagnosed me with ADD and put me on Adderall for a few months. Then he took me off the Adderall (which had been helping a lot with the ADD), saying that he was concerned I might be bipolar and wanted me to see a psychiatrist and make sure that I got the correct diagnosis. I went once to the psychiatrist he referred me to, and just loathed the woman and never went back.
Fast forward to January, with a few major depressive episodes under my belt, when I decided it was time to see a psychiatrist again. He put me on a different antidepressant and had me see his nurse practitioner for meds updates. The new antidepressant has been helping a bit, but there’s still that horrible constant unrelenting depression underneath everything that’s never gone away. And my mother helped me become aware of some of my manic episodes.
So when I went today to see the nurse practitioner, we talked more about it (I did bring it up with my psychiatrist in January, but it never went any further. I kept expecting someone to bring it up, without realizing I needed to keep bringing it up until my questions were answered), and she diagnosed me with BPD II and ADD. She told me to keep taking the antidepressant (Cymbalta) and is starting me on Lamictal and Seroquel.
My husband travels much of the time, so he’s not around a whole lot. He is incredibly supportive of me, but doesn’t really understand the issues either. So when I gave him the news, he gave me the same stuff he always gives me: “You’re incredibly intelligent. You outperformed 95% of your class in university. You’re very loved. You’re an awesome person.” yadda yadda
This is all a little scary & stressful. I’m hopeful that the new meds will help and afraid that nothing will because it’s been like this as long as I can remember.
The new meds, or something in that category of meds WILL help you. Although my lame nurse practitioner and I disagree (she says I’m Depressed), I believe that I am also BPD2 and have been taking lithium since 2004 along with other antidepressants. Since December of 2007, I have been on Lithium alone and have been much more ‘stable.’ You WILL get better, but as it’s been up to this point it just might take some time to find the right combination of meds. This site has been a tremendous help to me.
As far as your husband is concerned, just make sure to let him know what it is that you need from him. My boyfriend is extremely clueless when it comes to this kind of stuff and I have two choices, I can either get mad that he’s being so insensitive or I can help him to help me.
Hang in there!
PM me if you’ve got questions, or would just like to commiserate.
I’m also bipolar II, plus I have Tourette’s Syndrome. My son’s psychiatrist (son is ADHD) told me that something like 60% of people diagnosed with Tourette’s also have ADHD, which would explain a lot. It can be a right royal pain in the ass, that’s for sure. I used to be quite psychotic in my worst spells. I tried a variety of different medications that worked to varying degrees. I am currently on Wellbutrin which is the first one that actually makes me feel normal, and not like I’m teetering on the brink of the cliff (the others always made me feel like I was on the brink, but not falling off.)
It may take you several different meds before they find the one that clicks for you. Be patient and you’ll find the right one. There are a lot of different families of drugs to try.
If they put you on any SSRI antidepressant meds (Prozac, Paxil, Celexa, etc) be very, very careful about stopping them. Do NOT run out and go for a couple of days before a refill. Do NOT decide to go off them on your own. The withdrawal from those can throw you into the deepest, darkest pit you’ve ever been in. There are many graves filled with people who committed suicide during SSRI withdrawal.
There are a fair amount of us bipolar people on this board–don’t hesitate to come around asking for help or just looking for someone to talk to who understands.
Good on you for being persistent, I hope the medicine helps you. I was nervous when I first started them as well because, well, how else am I supposed to feel? Life is how it is and to not react the way I always have would mean being someone I’m not. The reality was that for possibly the first time in my life I felt “in control.” The world wasn’t as threatening, things weren’t as urgent. Important still, but the rushing panic in the back of my head was gone. You’re going to miss hypomania probably, but if you think about it as the springboard into the empty depths of depression rather than those precious few times you feel really good, you’ll learn to cope.
I’m sure you’ve been told this but keep an extra sharp eye on your mood. One thing I found with antidepressants was that they were God’s gift for a couple months and then almost overnight buried me in the worst depressions I’d ever known. BP is not “simple” depression, it’s … something else and depression is one of the symptoms. Sort of like a headache can be a sign of a bullet wound, but it’s not the main problem. The main problem I think is a broader than normal emotional range compounded with a kind of mild to moderate paranoid psychosis.
I’ve found that the best weapon you’ve got against it is your own mind–being cognizant of your mood, your triggers, and forcing yourself to use logic to approve or deny your emotional response. But you’ll have time to learn that later, first you need a break I imagine.
For that matter, do not do not do not stop the Lamictal cold turkey. They need to rachet you down just as slowly as you went up. (You are being stepped up very slowly, right? You do not want to end up with the SJ rash.)
It’s a wonderful medication in many ways that I’ll gladly tell you about - but the day after I forgot to pick up my refill and missed a dose was one of my most miserably sick ones in recent memory.
That’d be tricky, people who take the drugs are ipso facto nutters who might have done themselves or someone else in even without the medicine withdrawal.
I don’t know that it’s a high number in the statistical sense, I just know that it’s happened many more times than one. People who likely would not have otherwise killed themselves did so because of the pit of hell that the withdrawal threw them into.
BPII here also. Hopefully this is the right diagnosis for you and the meds will help. I LOVE Seroquel, since I was mostly hypomanic and semi-insomniac most of the time and it really helped get me in control. Lamictal works well for many people but it made me mildly physically ill. I am currently off all meds due to pregnancy but I will probably not be taking Lamictal again. Wellbutrin also helped me tremendously.
I hope you are charting. It helped me realize how much self-medication I was doing and also helped me track patterns. Be honest - the doctors are there to help you, not judge you. Give your meds a chance to work - it took me over a month to feel normal after starting Wellbutrin but I’m so glad I hung in there!
Good luck and remember the SDMB is a great abyss to shout into.
I understand it’s not for you, but just as an FYI for others reading this thread. I’m currently trying to get pregnant, and the reproductive psychiatrist has OK’d the Lamictal for during the pregnancy, though the official studies aren’t complete and through the FDA yet.
I should note that I’m currently medicated for the depressive side of my bipolar, with Wellbutrin. I am not taking any mood stabilizers to deal with the manic side. With bipolar II you don’t get as much mania, and I can usually deal with it. The main problem I have is trying to sleep. My brain Will Not Turn Off to let me sleep. Currently I take Temazepam every single night or else I’d be up until dawn. I can either do something somewhat productive, or I can lay there in bed staring at the ceiling, with my mind going a mile a minute. *
Some day I hope they’ll invent the perfect drug. Until then, I use what is available to achieve the most stable, livable conditions I can.
*when I take my Temazepam and don’t go to bed within 20-30 minutes, my LiveJournal entries can get… rather more entertaining, let’s call it. I generally don’t remember anything that happens–including things I’ve written–during that time. It’s creepy, but even that creepiness is worth it to not live in the psychosis that used to be my daily life in my head.
Oh my gosh! The dreams!!! I thought I already had funky dreams, but these blew the other ones completely out of the water. I got to feeling good and groggy within about 30 minutes of taking 1/2 pill of the Seroquel (which is what she told me to take) and the Lamictal, but it took hours for me to go to sleep. And then when I did sleep I had the most completely bizarre insane dreams. This morning I’m still feeling groggy and very tired and headache-y. She also had me move my Cymbalta to mornings, saying that it isn’t good to take the Cymbalta at the same time as the Lamictal, so this morning was the first time I’ve done the Cymbalta in the mornings.
Thanks for listening. It’s helpful to have your input.
