We have a 16-year-old rat terrier. He’s got some arthritis, and degenerative disk disorder, but has coped with both of these very well. He’s not as spry as he used to be, and he sleeps more than he used to, but he’s been getting along very nicely. He’s a real sweetheart, and charms the socks off of everyone he meets.
Yesterday he started coughing, all of a sudden with no prior indication that anything was wrong. He was no better this morning, and in fact was noticeably lethargic and weak. So, off to the vet we go. After a quick exam, the vet says that he wants to keep him there for a few hours to get x-rays, blood tests, and maybe other diagnostics. Short story - looks like there’s a heart issue and some fluid in his lungs. The blood test will determine what shape his kidneys are in, and what meds he might be able to tolerate. Before I left he had a couple of chest x-rays which showed a significantly enlarged heart, and fluid in one lung. No signs of tumors, and liver looked OK. Abdominal x-rays will be forthcoming.
The positive is that he is, essentially, a terrier mutt and they are tough little dogs. He’s always bounced back more quickly than expected from prior acute medical problems.
The downside is that, even assuming that his kidneys can handle the recommended meds, he’s going to need a lot of watching over. Doc said that even in the best-case scenario he’s recommending essentially 100% bed rest. As in, I even carry him outside for elimination and carry him back in. If all goes as well as it could, he could live another year-and-a-half, although that could be as short as 6 months. If there’s kidney issues, we could lose him before Christmas.
As he’s gotten older, and more medical issues arose, I’ve been the logical, stoic, ask-all-the-appropriate-questions, rational one. I played that role again today when I took him to the vet’s. Now I’m sitting here in a funk. I think the reality just hit me that he’s an old dog. Sixteen years is a pretty good run.
Here’s what’s making this extra hard; I don’t know that we’re equipped to provide the kind of care he might need. My wife has to travel a lot for her job, and for personal reasons I’d rather not talk about, I am out of town periodically as well. I have a lot more flexibility in my schedule than my wife does, but not completely.
And I feel really, deeply guilty about this. This was not the situation when we got Max, nor was it as little as 2 years ago when he was showing definite signs of aging. I take dog ownership very seriously. I’ve never been one of those people who gets one as an accessory, or doesn’t think about the long-term commitment one makes taking in a dog. But things change; things often outside of our control. So, sometime between now and the next year or two, a part of our decision-making process has to be “How much can we take on, given other factors.” It feels cold, and thoughtless, and even cruel. But it’s reality.
God help me, I almost hope that the vet says his kidneys are shot. The decision would be a lot easier. But, I expect we’re going to hear that they’re fine, and reasonable steps can be taken to nurse him back to a decent state of health. For how long? What are we going to need to do to give him as good a life as we can?
Sorry this a bit rambling and not very well-thought-out, but I’m still processing things myself. I’ve got some tough decisions to make in the near future, and I’m not looking forward to them.