I was kind of surprised to discover that my grand-niece (Junior in high school) and her friends don’t “date” much.
It seems the newest thing is to go in groups to a movie or party - 8 girls and 6 boys or some variation of such. Supposedly this is quite normal and one-on-one dating is almost abnormal in her crowd.
This doesn’t mean a few might wander away from the herd and do the big nasty elsewhere, but I have to admit it does sort of take away a lot of the pressure of feeling like you have to score/put out for the sole partner you are with when dating exclusively.
Even at her recent Junior/Senior prom (two weeks ago), I was told over half of the kids just sort of went solo, but in groups, to the prom and danced and mingled with other kids who had gone solo.
BTW, not being biased, but my grand-niece is drop dead gorgeous and so are her friends…so it is not like they couldn’t find a date if they wanted to, but at least in her circle at that high school in Arizona, this is the way they socialize now.
Again, I have no idea who is hooking up on Tuesday nights for wild sex in the den, but at least the group date concept has to be taking some of the pressure off anyone feeling like they are obligated to go further and further with each private date.
I went to a selective school, and had a wide variety of friends at that school and from my local area (who went to the normal school). I didn’t notice any difference between the groups as to who and how many teens were having sex, but I did get the impression that the smarter selective kids were a little bit quieter (less bragging) about the sex they were having, and possibly a little more thoughtful, though that could be my bias as well.
I was an early starter due to access (boyfriend), motive (curious), and a safety net. So when many of my friends started experimenting, I was one of the ‘safe’ people to tell, since I’d already BTDT and I noticed around 16/17, the bulk of my peers were experimenting or planning on experimenting.
Went to a merit-based high school you had to test into. My class was only 24 people, but most of us were having sex those who were REALLY socially awkward.
It wasn’t looked down on, but having sex or dating more than one person at a time was VERY taboo. It was a really small school, so everyone knew everyone else’s business and you could be more or less destroyed by even a rumor.
I was an “AP student” at a public school in the late 90s. I’d say by senior year, the majority were sexually active. There were plenty of virgins, but these were often people who didn’t date for whatever reason. I think most people with a girlfriend/boyfriend were active.
Many teens are perfectly capable of having sex responsibly.
Oh, yes, ours too! Seriously hard core serial monogamy. You didn’t even think about *flirting *with someone who wasn’t your boyfriend, or you’d be branded a slut and a cheater.
This is almost exactly my experience. I went to a smallish evangelical high school (about 100 students per class level) from grades 9-11. This was '83-85. For those three years there was 1 known pregnancy and 1 “went to live with an aunt” situation.
That’s it.
If there was hanky panky going on, it was kept quiet. Not even dudes having locker-room bragging sessions. Pre-marital sex was seen as a sin or a moral weakness. And no one wanted to be seen as a weak sinner.
Well, okay, some people paired off and I assume most of the ones in longer relationships (“long” being >4-5 months, which counts as a “long term relationship” for High School) had sex. Only one girl in my entire school* got pregnant the entire time I was there. Obviously this means that maybe people were just, y’know, smart about sex. Still, it’s hard to tell, I know at least three girls that dumped some asshole (same asshole, actually) who tried to pressure them into sex (he actually said “with a body like yours, you might as well do it with me while you have the chance” to one of them.), so maybe there were more virgins than I suspected. Overall, my wager probably hovers somewhere around 50%(+/-10% or so) of the people there had sex at some point.
Actually, the reason I’d like to believe I’m not having sex is because of my moral views, although I can’t speak for my friends.
I don’t deny people can’t have safe or smart sex although accidents can occur. I guess one other factor, too, is that to my friends and I, having teen sex doesn’t fit our images of ourselves and that’s why we see it as stupid.
That might be true for a lot of us actually although I’d hope not…
That’s definitely a factor I think, especally for Asian kids. Another factor I think (to put it bluntly) is the Internet, after all you can find far hotter girls (or boys depending on your preference) there without the inconveniences and side-effects of sex.
I used to think that way about high school actually when I was in elementary school even if not as graphic. Blame DARE and Red Ribbon Week for it I suppose…
I’d hope so although I can’t imagine either of them doing it (for the record, they are both females).
So what you are saying is, everyone who doesn’t share your personal view of morality is “stupid.”
[QUOTE=Qin Shi Huangdi]
having teen sex doesn’t fit our images of ourselves and that’s why we see it as stupid.
[/QUOTE]
Hey, playing soccer every weekend doesn’t fit my image of myself, but that doesn’t mean I think people who enjoy soccer are stupid.
[QUOTE=Qin Shi Huangdi]
]That’s definitely a factor I think, especally for Asian kids.
[/QUOTE]
This is probably just me, and I apologize if I’m being an asshole here, and also I have no idea if you yourself are Asian or not, and I suppose it’s a bit of a hijack, but: I wish you’d lay off the “Asian kid” routine. Why does the ethnicity of your friends matter? Are you looking for some kind of validation, because you think Asians are smart and so if you keep reminding us that you hang with Asians, we’ll think you are smart too?
Honestly, your “morality” is weird. You and your friends are just creating this false sense of moral superiority because you have no game.
Real life is not like that episode of Seinfeld where George finds out that not having sex makes him smarter. Being a virgin doesn’t give you an advantage in getting accepted to MIT (it just sort of works out that way).
I blame DARE for making partying sound awesome. “Kids, a lot of people will pressure you to get drunk, do drugs and have sex. We’re going to teach you how to say ‘no’”. Um…why would I want to do that?
As a parent I hope my kids wait until after high school to have sex and aren’t shamed by their peers for choosing to not have sex by saying they “don’t have any game” How much game could a 15 year old have anyway? It doesn’t take game or skill to insert peg A into slot B :rolleyes:
I hope this isn’t the fate of all kids weaned on internet porn. This isn’t a healthy attitude towards sex and will surely lead to disappointment for both you and your future partner/s if you don’t reexamine this soon. Please don’t compare the girls you have a crush on or date to porn stars; it’s unrealistic, unsavory, and unfair. I hope you’ll find that the willing, affectionate, loving girlfriend squirming beneath you is the hottest woman on earth when you are in the moment, and for both your sakes I hope you can put all the years of masturbating to fantasies aside and focus on your partner.
You mean like bonding with a partner, sharing love and mutual satisfaction, and that awesome hormone rush of oxytocin and that makes you both feel fantastic and happy? Those side effects? Qin Shi Huangdi, those side effects are one of nature’s (or God’s) generous gifts and masturbation and pornography can’t even come close to replicating those feelings of mutual pleasure and love.
Same time, same exact experience. I swear, this was the ABSOLUTE WORST time to go to high school. My older brother went to high school in the late 1970s and enjoyed more sex than anyone should ever enjoy. My younger relatives who went to high school in the late 1990s / 2000s tell me stories that would get rejected by Penthouse Letters for being too unbelievable.
Me? Everyone was afraid of sex at my high school. Sure, a few people had it, and we all were envious, but it was nothing like the stereotype of horny teenagers, before or since. Just a complete sexual dead zone. Unfortunately, college wasn’t much better.
Yeah, the late 1980s/early 90s just sucked. And not in the good way.
Not really. Especially when you’re a bunch of hormonal teenagers. I saw some of the guys I had crushes on in highschool and I look back on it like what the f*** was I thinking.
Like Troppus, I think some people here are forgetting what high shcool was really like. No matter what group teens fall into, they tend to do their best not to upset the status quo. If people in your group vocalize an opposition to something you do or have done, you will usually keep your mouth shut.
In HS I was in the AP crowd, played football and hung out with the “art” kids. Across the board, the percentage of sexually active people was about the same. It wasn’t rampant but it wasn’t nonexistent either. However, I did notice that people basically mimicked whatever the group dictated. If being sexually active was okay or “cool”, then it seemed like everyone had a story. If it was not considered acceptable, people tended not to talk about it.
Qin Shi Huangdi, when you and your peers get to college you will start to find out a lot of things about your high school selves that might surprise you. Not saying that more than half of your group will come out as having been sexually active, but it is likely you will find out that there were a few folks who just kept their mouths shut.
Personally, I kept quiet about my sex life in high school because I did not want to open myself up to the teens who were great at running their mouths and being judgmental.
Currently, I work part time in a standard upper middle class Texas suburban high school similar to the one I went to back in NJ. I cannot speak to the exact rate of sexual activity but the teen pregnancy rate is nearly identical and I have been out of high school for about 12 years.
I went to a Catholic, all-boys high school in the late 1970s and early 1980s. We had a sister school, which was all-girls.
I was a nerd, seriously lacking in confidence with girls when I was in high school, and spent most of my high school years carrying a torch for a girl who was in a serious relationship with one of my classmates. Net result: I was still a virgin upon graduation.
However, of my classmates, I’d say that a significant proportion (probably on the order of at least one-third, maybe half or more) were sexually active, at least on an occasional basis. I know of some of my classmates who were fooling around at some level as early as 8th grade; there were definitely girls from the other school who had reputations at our school for readily “putting out”.
That might be true for a lot of us actually although I’d hope not…