Of course. Etsy has all things kitsch. I doubt they come with an 80s roll of TP like at grandmas houses, though.
You may already have one but if not, you might consider one of these:
Maybe it’s just me but has anyone ever seen 1 ply or 3 ply toilet “in the wild” before? I know one ply is used by mainly businesses and public buildings just because it’s cheap but I’ve never actually seen it at my local Grocery Store or Wal-Mart, I imagine you buy it by the bulk from an office supply store or a CostCo. But I’ve also never seen 3 ply toilet paper either, so what rich places are selling that on the shelves?
3-ply is available at such swank and trendy stores like Wal-Mart:
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Quilted-Northern-Ultra-Plush-Toilet-Paper-12-Mega-Rolls/724511369?athbdg=L1600
I can’t say that my butthole has ever been graced by such a ritzy product as 3-ply TP.
It occurs to be that Chronos’ original 286 sheet number might have come from 3-ply rolls. The link above for Quilted Northern says 284 sheets, which seems close enough. And 286 is exactly 2/3 of 429.
I have a kinda similar question. I usually buy Cashmere two-ply double rolls, and they don’t seem particularly big, nor do they last particularly long, so the “normal” rolls must be pretty tiny indeed. I usually look for sales and one time “triple” rolls were on sale. I hesitated to buy them because I thought they might not fit in my recessed dispensers, but in fact they do fit – just barely, but they fit.
So now I buy whichever is on sale, and I consider “double” rolls to be normal and “triple” to be large. I still cannot imagine what a “single” roll looks like. It must be like two inches in diameter – perhaps more a unit of advertising than an actual product!
As I mentioned in the OP, I usually buy 1-ply from Aldi. It comes in rolls of 1000 sheets. And yes, I do actually prefer it.
Thanks!
My parents buy 1-ply because they’re cheap af and 2-ply is “too expensive.” They buy it at the local Safeway when they do their grocery shopping. They’re the only ones I know who regularly buy 1-ply. I’ve never heard of 3-ply. Talk about luxury!
I was going to make some juvenile comment, something something autocorrect something must be reeeeealy soft tp something something snicker laff, but then I googled and that’s a real brand?? I guess I dont know shit about… uh… uh… nevermind.
The standard Scott 1000 sheet roll already mentioned is one-ply. That’s the one my parents always buy so that’s what I grew up with. I think that’s pretty basic and what I’d consider a “regular” roll.
I’m surprised if one-ply is not available at grocery stores. I’ve always seen it in stores as the variety they must carry, and seems to be mainly what’s available at mini-marts and other small stores. People with septic systems instead of sewers often prefer it. However, I recall seeing some kind of extra soft toilet paper outsells the others. I think Americans have been getting soft, there’s just another sign.
It’s a high quality brand that I’ve just discovered is exclusively Canadian, of which Americans are apparently deprived. Tough shit! 
The Northern 3-ply is our household standard. It was available at our old local Walmart but was too often out of stock. Since The Thing started we’ve just ordered a case from Amazon once in a while.
Just checking online shows it available in store at the new (to us) Walmart nearby. But it’s nearly twice the price as Amazon.
Boy you Canadians really know your shit! I’m sooo jealous. 
If each roll is individually wrapped in paper and brags about having 1000 sheets, it’s 1 ply. Scotts, store brand, it’s 1 ply.
As a refined and sophisticated people, we naturally have delicate, tender derrieres!
On the other extreme, does anyone remember visitors to the Sochi Olympics remarking on the signs in bathrooms cautioning against flushing toilet paper? You were supposed to put it in the wastebasket. This caused much online commentary about how poor their plumbing must be. But it ain’t the plumbing – it’s the paper! The toilet paper in eastern bloc countries is apparently little better than newsprint, and the problem when flushed is that it just doesn’t disintegrate.
This leads directly to Wolfpup’s Theorem of Civilization: The quality of a civilization is judged not by its compassion nor by the level of its technological achievemens, but by the quality of its toilet paper.
If you follow the evolution of civilization from the ancient Romans, who apparently used communal scrub-brushes for hygienic purposes (true!), up to the modern miracle of Cashmere brand bathroom tissue (available only in Canada), you can see that this is true.
It’s just their way of hiding inflation, that’s all. They have fudged the numbers so successfully that nobody notices the rolls getting smaller.
A regular roll is the size that will fit the toilet paper holders of every home I’ve lived in for the past 20 years. They’re definitely rarer on the shelves thatn “double” and “mega” and whatever other size they come up with. I’ve learned to look for Scott brand, because I’d rather not leave the roll on the back of the tank while I’m waiting for it to get small enough to fit on the holder. A lot of brands simply do not stock regular rolls in my experience.