Kentucky Fried Cannabalism

Here’s the situation: you’re flying over the snowy Alaskan mountains in a twin seater plane, your loved on at the control stick. Your plane goes down, and you survive, but your partner is killed. Dragging yourself to a nearby hunting cabin, you find a shelter with firewood and a potbelly stove, blankets, kitchenwares, and a cupboardful of condiments, herbs, spices and garnishes. While you’re trapped for the time being, you realize that if you survive until the summer, the owner of the cabin will probably return for bear season and rescue you. However, there’s no food around and you’re inept at setting traps for squirrels: you’ll have to eat your loved one to survive until then.

Assuming you choose to live, do you prepare your loved one in a tasty dish, or eat them raw?

Never attribute to an -ism anything more easily exlained by common, human stupidity.

Sorry, it’s your loved one at the control stick of the plane.

You eat your loved one while alive.

Armed, dangerous…
and off my medication.

No fava beans?

No Chianti?

<singing>Timothy! Timothy! Where on earth did you go-o-o-o?</singing>

Mmmm…, loved those fajitas!

I’d fry him up. I’ve never been a fan of undercooked meat. Actually, I’d probably bake rather than fry, if I could. Hmm…I wonder what spices go best with people meat…

Cinnamon…with the Adam’s apple, of course.

Nutmeg with the…

Of everything written about the Donner Party I don’t recall a cookbook.

If we’re not supposed to eat people, how come they’re made out of meat?

When ya got a woman that good, ya don’t eat her all at once.


You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

For crashing the plane, that dumb bitch is going STRAIGHT into the stew-pot.

Now, where’s the paprika?


Start with the butt. That is the best area to eat. Yes, true. So you see any films where they don’t, youll know the film is not accurate.

Lessee, on Monday I’ll whip up some “Lover’s Liver and onions”, Tuesday will be “Honey’s Baked Hams”, Wednesday calls for "Jaws of Wife, Thursday I’ll pick through and have the “Significant Other Tenders”. Friday, well everybody knows that Friday is “Fishy Parts”! Want my recipe for tartar sauce? Begin by picking the teeth clean…

The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. – E. Grebenik

True story: the famous “Donner Party” was actually led by two families, the Reeds and the Donners (check the Ric Burns documentary).

So it was really the “Donner Reed Party.” Not only did they eat each other, but they cleaned up afterward and did their homework before going to bed.

I’m thinking long term. Eyeballs for fishing lures, bones for hooks and cooking utensils. Maybe I’ll cook up a little to lure in the birds, bears, wolves and foxes. She will work a lot better for bait than she would for eating.

Chow down, and maybe they will name a restauraunt after you, a la The Alferd Packer Grill at the University of Colorado at Boulder, named after a Colorado prospector who ate five of his fellow gold seekers during the harsh winter of 1874.


“Believe those who seek the truth.
Doubt those who find it.” --Andre Gide

Can somebody fill me in on those Donners and Reeds ? This sounds like a fun bunch !

God, NOTHING ever happens around here :wink:


“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

Do you really want the Straight Dope, Coldfire? Yer not kiddin’ me now.
Check History of the Donner Party by G.R.Stewart for starters.
When you drive out of Reno toward Sacramento
you will pass Donner Lake and Donner Pass.
The Donner Party was 87 people heading for California in 1846. An early snow caught them deep in the passes of the Sierra Nevada and trapped them. Long story short…only about half of the Donner Party ever got the the Sacramento Valley. The others were delicious.

Remind me NEVER to go to a pot-luck with ANY of you people…

Or, for that matter, to get together BEFORE your pot-luck, lest you decide to serve some Satan on a Skewer!

Yer pal,

Jared Diamond wrote an article on the Donner Party for Discover© Magazine in 1992. Go to , select Archives and search on “donner” for his discussion of survival.