My wife says she doesn’t think our kids should have cell phones (except maybe the ones that can only call a couple of numbers) until they’re old enough to have a job and buy the service themselves. She thinks cell phones are unnecessary–a luxury–and moreover are likely to lead to kids commiserating with each other to do bad things.
I say that by the time our kids are, say, 12 (which will be in nine years for one of them) a 12 year old without a full fledged cell phone will be practically crippled. No portable music storage? No texting capabilities? This will equate to practically no social existence at all, and I do not think this is healthy. As for scheming kids, that’s a fact of life, and if we are raising the kids right, they’ll use their social resources wisely whatever those resources might be.
Neither of us has a clue what we’re talking about.
They will be nearly social pariahs if they don’t have a cell phone by the time they are 12. You should take pains to try to discourage obnoxious cell phone behavior. There are many situations that will make your own life easier if your kid has a cell phone, Maybe you can get a plan with very few minutes and make them pay for additional minutes. You could define who the free 5 calling people are.
I agree. In 9 years time there won’t be any cellphones. We’ll all have implanted wi-fi chips connecting us to the universal network. To make a call you’ll just navigate through the menu on your HUD using a series of eye gestures and blinks, and the subcutaneous mic and earphones will pick up the call. Download the latest hit to your chip literally in the blink of an eye.
You really want to wait till they’ve finished growing to implant the HUD projectors though. They end up misaligned if you put them in too early.
I’ll side with your wife. It is a luxury item and a toy for most kids. I wouldn’t prohibit my kid from having one but I sure as hell wouldn’t finance it for them. They can earn and spend their own money on it if they feel it’s that necessary to their social life.
No portable music storage? No texting capabilities? This will equate to practically no social existence at all, and I do not think this is healthy.
You’re kidding right? Are you also going to finance a wardrobe of Ambercrombie/Finch and Hollister for them so they fit in socially?
If you’re doing it for safety/contact reasons I’ll also agree with your wife on getting the type that limit outgoing and incoming calls to certain numbers.
A lot of things kids want, and which you will buy, are luxuries. That alone doesn’t constitute a solid argument. If it’s a luxury you simply cannot afford, then it’s different. Otherwise, it’s just an excuse to get you out of providing a reason, and 12-year-olds will know that. I’m not saying that you’re under an obligation, but you are correct, it’s a ubiquitous part of teenager’s lives, and as such, it’s reasonable for them to want to be a part of this.
It’s part of your job to ensure that they know how to use them sensibly, safely and responsibly. And to discipline them (and/or help them) if they don’t. Perhaps a prepaid setup, and you’re willing to provide X amount of credit per month in an allowance-type arrangement, might be the way to go.
I agree with your wife, although she does need to learn what “commiserating” means. Kids can get by just fine without a cell phone. So can adults; I do so. A situation where it takes a little bit of effort to make contact with other people would be a good thing. It would teach kids how to make plans in advance and then stick with them. Moreover if they aren’t gabbing about, you know, like, totally, whatever, every minute of every day, they might actually pay attention to the world around them and learn some things.
Unless you plan to raise your children in Amish-like social seclusion, a cell phone will be part and parcel of normal childhood equippage by the age of 12. That’s not to say that you should get them an expensive phone, plan, and let them go to town.
There are levels and levels of cell phone capabilities, and levels and levels of rights and responsibilities. By the time they’re twelve, you should have a good idea of what your individual children are capable of. You might begin with the most basic level of cell phone: something like the Firefly, which can dial three numbers and 911. That way, you benefit from allowing your child a cell phone, and they can’t get into too much trouble. As they prove their ability to care for and use a cell phone, they can be awarded greater and greater cell phone privileges like larger calling circles, more features (camera, music, texting), and more time on the phone.
Just remember, you’re the parent, and it is up to you to regulate your child’s cell phone use. It isn’t just about rampant commercialism and planned obsolesence. Given the opportunity, a 12-year-old child will stay on the phone all the hours of the evening, and homework, chores, and family interaction suffers. Set reasonable limits. Make sure you review the statements every month so you can spot potential and real problems. Talk with your child about your expectations of their behavior, and make sure they know that they’re doing a good (or poor) job. Follow through with consequences, and be as consistent as humanly possible.
I added a line for my 12 year old, and picked up the $20 per month unlimited texting from ATT.
Plus: He calls when circumstances change (soccer, Scouting, hanging at the mall, going home with others).
Negative: Texting, calling, etc.
However - a parenting expert friend of mine put it very well - a child needs a rich life, so that there is something to take AWAY. His point is that often the best punishment for kids is taking something that they really want (but do not necessarily need). With our son, video games and the cell phone are excellent levers to use to help correct poor behavior.
No A&F does not equal “practically no social existence at all.”
Something that would equate to “practically no social existence at all” would be disallowing them from speaking except when we are present. I think not letting them have portable music storage and texting etc. is of course nowhere near as bad as that, but is a similar restriction. Denying them expensive brand name clothin is not the same kind of thing at all.
This amish-social-pariah stuff has got to stop. Roughly 1/3 the kids at my school don’t have cell phones, and roughly 1/2 of them don’t bring them to school (we had a survey because our new principal is considering banning them alltogether - that’s the only reason I know this). Granted, this is a low socio-economic area, but the kids survive.
That’s not to say that your kid should or shouldn’t have a phone, but that part’s a non-starter.
I think both of your views are towards extremes of a spectrum actually. I received a Cell pone when I was a Senior in High School. And I hate it. I use it only for emergencies, and my friends know that if they want to contact me, the Cell will just lead to a place to drop a voice mail off (which I don’t read except for once every two weeks). I tend to view the Cell as a device to be used only in emergencies or in times of trouble. However, I do love the texting capabilities, but I understand there’s a limit to them. So I restrict myself to about 10-20 texts a month, but it’s a way to talk to me if I have my phone on hand (and so a few friends use that method). My views though are on the extreme for not using a Cell. However, I’ve never really felt it’s stunted my Social Existence or anything my shunning of the Cell. Music Storage? Great, but not really something important. A Cell phone at such a young age should be minimal to first teach the responsibilities of the device, THEN as they age, get them the fancier carefree stuff.
But the Cell phone as a BASIC EMERGENCY Phone device? That’s the way to go in my opinion with younger kids.
Example #2: My Sister received HER phone around the same time I did- she was about 12 though. She’s the complete opposite- for her the Cell phone is a social device, and she’s apt to make about 20 text messages in a DAY. However, it hasn’t led to any nefarious plotting or commiserating. It’s just a new device to gossip and play on- the equivalent to a portable Instant Messaging Device. It allows her to constantly be in touch with her friends BUT she does do a very good job of staying in contact with Home too. Each year she gets more and more fancier stuff for the phone and bells and whistles, but only because she’s done a good job with her phone (though she’s also managed to break her phone a few times in the past, that’s not cheap to fix unless a plan is about to expire).
So My view is somewhere in between for phones- get a SIMPLE BASIC phone- no real capabilities for music, texting and all that. And let them use that as a beginners phone. It should be to teach them responsibility and good phone habits and manners. Then as they get older- you can add to it, or allow them to pay for the “extra” such as a phone with music capabilities, or Texting (that’ll be the big one). Which is what my sister currently does- she has to pay for her phone’s unlimited Texting capabilities. I don’t pay for mine- but that just leaves me with my 20 free texts a month sorta dealie.
Start them on the basics, and as they grow, introduce the bells and whistles as you see fit.
Actually, that was my word use, and I meant “conspiring.”
I could get by without a cell phone, but why would I want to? It seems like an unnecessary way to make one’s life more difficult than it needs to be.
It seems clear to me that life offers plenty of opportunities for learning how to make plans and stick with them etc. with cell phones in the picture, as well as without them. I’d have to see an argument to the effect that life with cell phones lacks such opportunities in any significant sense.
Similarly, I have seen no evidence that people (kids or not) with cell phones are prone to fail to learn things about the world around them. Are you just worried about the fact that while paying attention to whatever is going on w/ the phone, people tend not to be paying attention to their immediate physical environment other than the phone?
Putting aside the luxury item argument for a while (in nine years, you can better evaluate exactly how expected it is for a 12 year old to have a cellphone in modern society, though one imagines this will only move in one direction), let’s consider this:
My own uneducated sense is that that’s exactly right. All removing cellphones will do will be removing convenience of communication, but unless you’re planning on shutting off unsupervised socializing altogether (which of course you aren’t), it won’t change anything in terms of what your kids get up to in their free time.
What are the bad things your wife is afraid of and why does she think they are specifically enabled by cellphones above and beyond, say, what was mundanely possible in our own (presumably) largely cellphone-free childhoods?
I’d say roughly 80% of my kids’ friends have cell phones. My youngest received his on his 12th birthday. I swear this has been more beneficial to my wife and I than the kids though they’d probably disagree or not care. There are tons of plans out there that are reasonable especially if you live in any reasonably sized metro area. In fact I recently switched my plan to the one I had for the kids because theirs was cheaper. We pay $160 for five lines; this is unlimited talk, unlimited text, voicemail, etc, etc. The boys can even go to the local cell phone store and add money to their line to buy songs and ringtones.
It would do no such thing. It wouldn’t demonstrate any understanding of the costs involved in a real phone, nor would caring for it be similar to looking after a real one. Built for durability in a way real phones are not, they could be dropped/banged/bumped around in ways which would damage others, and also could be carelessly left lying around anywhere and still be there later, because nobody would want to steal it.
You did mean to type ‘some 12-year-old children’, didn’t you? :rolleyes:
Indeed, because as I recall, there was no scarcity of phones in the house when I was 12 years old, and I managed to pry myself off of them from time to time. But I suppose it’s different once the phone fits into your pocket (or is in any other way markable as distinct from the way the way things were when I was a kid, grumble grumble, lawns, etc.)…
Remember that payphones are much less common than they used to be, and will be even less common in nine years: calling home from a pay phone at the mall or in the parking lot will involve asking someone if you can borrow their phone.
