initech, I’m not featherlou of course, but I’ve seen some spoiling. Parents who buy so many toys the entire house is wall to wall toys, mostly not played with and/or ruined deliberately, yet the kids still scream for more. Flinging food around because their parents dared serve something that wasn’t their express favorite food in the whole world. One child I saw actually slap his father when he didn’t bring juice fast enough (the kid was eight and could have poured it himself but he was playing computer games).
Coddling I’ve seen at work, when parents have absolute* fits* when anyone dare suggest their precious dear is responsible for their own actions and has to serve the detention they earned or repeat a class because they didn’t do a lick of work. Kids aren’t allowed outside to play because they could fall off their bike. They’re driven to and from school for no other reason than they don’t want to walk. Not safety, not distance, just precious shouldn’t have to ever walk anywhere.
Don’t get me wrong, I was spoiled and coddled, and do so with my niece, but in small doses and over the little stuff. I buy her a double scoop of ice cream, not a house across the street from her school so she doesn’t have to park in the student lot. Some parents have turned themselves into child-support systems and do not exist beyond that.
yellowval, I don’t suppose the mother of that baby knows it can be dangerous to have an infant sleep in the same bed with an adult? There are precautions to be taken that may reduce the risk, but infant deaths have occurred. Bonding is wonderful and yes, lots of babies thrive on sharing a bed, but it’s a risk that needs to be assessed.
I didn’t think it was necessary to bring all that up. But since you jumped to conclusions, I felt I had to. It was my fault for making the comment in the first place, and for that, I’m sorry.
As for why I’m so involved: I’m friends with the dad and have been for many years. He has confided in me that he’s worried about the finances, because she will not work and overspends. Other than that, I’m not involved at all.
The OP could have questioned this method of parenting without calling the kid a “little bastard” and without the comment about children being seen and not heard and without the conclusion that this family had “needy” and “creepy” qualities. It may have garnered less defensive responses.
I’m sure there’s plenty wrong with my parenting. You’re not going to get me to see it by insulting me first.
EllaBean, I just wanted to say, you sound like a wonderful big sister
As the mother of two little ones myself, I of course have my own opinions on this discussion, but I’ll withhold comment. Before I had kids I was fairly ignorant about parenthood and the strange ways of wee ones, so I might have thought the restaurant situation was a little odd, too. We all live and learn.
Bumping this because I still want to know why Hung Mung uses the term “little bastard” to describe an infant who is quiet and calm. And why Licentious Ectomorph thinks it’s spoiling children to take them out to eat and pay attention to them instead of ignoring them.
You know the reason why: mouths were engaged before the brain was started. I doubt they will apologize or change their stance, and if they do, it will be layered with conditional statements. And honestly, do you care to hear further statements from people who complain about both sides of an argument? “I hate loud kids and those quiet ones are just bastards!” C’mon…ain’t no recovering from that.
People without children far too often feel they ‘know best’ because it is ‘so obvious’ how to raise a child. Then once they spend 6 months of sleepless nights being forced to calm a crying baby, not having enough money or time to spend with friends, pulling hair out wondering why the kid just won’t shut-up, etc…they undergo ‘the change’ and THEN you’ll see them come back here and re-think their stance.
Read the thread, Rilchiam. Specifically, post #14, in which I mentioned “spoiling” and explained it. Also, post #28, in which I admit I don’t have kids and that those who do have them know better how to raise them.
Why do you want to stir things up again after the rest of us had already decided to make nice and let it go? I won’t be part of it.
Its about a 1 out of 10 on the oddness scale. Parents ignoring their children is odd, wanting to sit with them isn’t. Its depressing that people think there is something socially unacceptable about parents doing that or that parents should do what is popular in the eyes of strange teenagers rather than what they and their kids want.
Now I feel the need to explain why I scored the way I did.
I gave it a 3 because there seemed to be room for potential oddness. It could be the parents were unusually fussy or obsessive. It’s not likely, but it could be. I’ve known parents that were like that. Thusly, a 3.
Post #14 is what I was replying to. I just happen to think that if a family goes out to eat, then every member should be allowed to participate in social interaction. I don’t see what good comes of parents treating their kids as if they’re not worthy of any attention at all. Paying attention to a child doesn’t have to mean making them the center of attention. They need to learn how to socialize with a group, and they can’t do that if their parents are telling them, “I don’t want to hear one sound outta you. Sit right there and don’t move.”
As for stirring things up, I was following up on tanookie’s post, because I was tired of people dropping hate bombs in threads about kids and acting as if they don’t have to defend themselves. Now, however, I’m satisfied with Tomcat and Wesley Clark’s explanations.
Wow, I’m really sorry. I’ve never, ever, ever seen this before and it was in a pretty swanky restaurant. My bad. I mean, God forbid I should have a life experience that precludes such behavior in parents resulting in befuddlement to see it in an expensive restaurant. When the FUCK did I pass judgement on these parents? When did I say they were wrong for doing so? When did I criticize the fucking kids?
Too late: I didn’t.
I said that it seemed weird. That leaves plenty of room for guys like Harborwolf to come in and say, “Nah, dude. It happens.”
Instead I get mostly people who want to rip out my pubes with rusty pliers because I said some nasty words about a couple of babies. Boo fucking hoo.
And I called the baby a little bastard because I can. Also, I hate babies. I’d just as soon eat one as look at one. I’m a terrible person because I make fun of babies. And eat them. Yummy. Baby fat.
See, this is a good example of the Cult of the Child. What does it matter to anyone that you called some anonymous baby that they’ll probably never meet a little bastard on a message board? But somehow, you are expected to show the utmost respect to babies and children at all times, apparently.
It is kind of a pain to eat with a squirming toddler on your lap. But sometimes, its what you do. Parenting is about compromising and not “losing it” and sometimes you look at your spouse and say “I want to go out for dinner at a restaurant where the food comes on a real plate, where I can get a glass of wine and the waitress will bring me dessert. And I don’t want to wait until we can find a sitter.” And your spouse looks at the “I’m losing it” look in your eye and says “great idea honey!” But being considerate parents, you recognize that not everyone wants to hear your two year old make cow noises all night, so you take the proactive strike toward not disturbing other diners by holding him on your lap.
It’s clear you don’t have a lot of experience with young kids - but that doesn’t mean you’re bad or deserving of ridicule.
My daughter just turned two, and I call her my “barnacle baby,” because she has always been very attached to me. She has gotten more independent, but recently regressed to a needy phase, which is entirely normal.
As I read this thread, she was sitting on my lap, drawing. There is no freaking way she would have been happily doing that if she hadn’t been on my lap.
Of course, then she grabbed a container full of paperclips and tried to “drink” out of it, then when I told her not to put them in her mouth, stuffed a bunch in her mouth and flung the rest across the study. So perhaps it’s not the best “laps equal well behaved story.” Um, but having her on my lap allowed me to pry all the paperclips out of her mouth really fast!
Anyway, there are some parents out there who are very into Attachment Parenting and believe strollers and cribs are evil. Maybe the same applies to restaurant high chairs.
