KILL THE FRENCH!!!!

The BBQ Pit
1

So it looks like thanks to you pansies and your insistence on negotiation, America didn’t get to strike while the iron was hot and Osama Bin Laden has fled to France* before we could bomb Afghanistan back into the stone age.

So what do we do now? I tell you what we do. If you’re a real goddamn American, we stick to goddamn plan A. Bin Laden’s in Afghanistan, we bomb the hell out of Afghanistan. Bin Laden’s in France, we bomb the hell out of France. I know you liberals are going to bellyache about collateral damage and the poor widdle French people, but let’s face it- Bin Laden didn’t give a damn about innocent victims, so why should we?

It’s time to choose sides. Whose side are you on- the U-S of A, or France? What’s worth more to you- 5,000 American lives, or 5,000 French ones?

Frankly, I’ve already beaten up that Chef Boyardee bastard. If he were a REAL American he wouldn’t be giving us this Franco-American hyphenated crap.

-Ben, A REAL AMERICAN!!!

  • Actually, he hasn’t, so far as I know. This is purely a hypothetical situation, for purposes of satire.
2

But…

You can’t bomb France! My most favorite hot chocolate comes from France!

3

Yeah, well my favorite hot chocolate comes from Afghanistan, buddy.

-Ben

4

Ben, this is an obvious parody on my thread. Please give credit where credit is due…

Fuck off, if only because the French would turn over bin Laden in a heartbeat if they had him.

War is hell, and the enemies of the USA will feel it, promised…

5

That’s bud-ette to you, Mister. :slight_smile:

6

Ben

Thank you for that - I needed a laugh. But you must link this to the idiot’s thread for future reference.

“L’Etat, c’est…newzucanuze…”

7

**

Why give you credit? If I talk about wheels, do I have to give you credit because you drive a car?

Much as you’d like to believe it, newzucanuze, you didn’t invent idiocy, nor, for that matter, does the world revolve around you.

**

Oh, and the government of Afghanistan “has” bin Laden? The people of Afghanistan have bin Laden?

No, I don’t think so. Unless you’re going to get drafted, I can think of one enemy of the USA who won’t feel it much at all.

-Ben

8

I say … send in Jerry Lewis. I hear he has quite a way with the French, if you know what I mean.*

*[sub]because Lord knows I don’t[/sub]

9

I didn’t see him rushing to credit cro-mangon man for inspiring his drivel, either.

10

**

I aim to please! But as for the idiot, bear in mind that uzucanuze isn’t the specific target of my satire. I’m just getting tired of the general feeling that lots of people are saying, “Why should WE care about innocent victims? Bin Laden didn’t!” (Didn’t Wildest Bill make that argument too?)

It never ceases to amaze me that some people will believe in things that I personally find to be so utterly, self-evidently moronic. The “why should we care about innocent victims?” argument is, to me, like calling people idiots because they don’t agree with you that the sky is green. That’s why I feel the argument is obviously based in racism. If Bin Laden were hiding in France, no one in their right mind would call for carpet-bombing France. But if he’s hiding in Afghanistan, suddenly it makes sense to slaughter people who have zero say in whether Bin Laden is handed over?

I got a real chuckle out of that one. :wink:

“Apres moi… newzucanuze…”

(Actually, for a while “apres moi, le deluge” was our motto for the cat, who had some… housebreaking problems.)

-Ben

11

And the problem witb bombing the French is…?

12

You watch your fucking step.

Says,
Matt (from Montreal)

13

It’s hard to keep a laser target designator focused on a waving white flag.

(j/k, matt_mcl…)

14

Well gee golly wizz, you might as well bomb the fuck out of Australia as well, because in spite of us having invoked the ANZUS treaty and having already committed to providing anything and everything we possibly can to assist the US in the fight against terrorism, our intelligence agencies today have revealed that a few of Osama’s friends are living here. And because we are a nation which respects the rule of law, we cannot just hand them over to you or the ICJ or a war crimes tribunal or anyone else until we are formally asked to do so. Nor can we countenance your policy of just bomb the fuck out them wherever they are.

Some of them are here - it’s all over the front pages of the Saturday papers, but we sure as hell aren’t refusing to hand them over (now that it is all over our media, the aforementioned people are unlikely to be alive tomorrow, but that still doesn’t mean that justice will have been served); it means that like every country which makes itself a signatory to conventions/treaties, we choose to respect the conditions of those treaties/conventions even when we would really just prefer to throw them out the window.

The difference between us democratic nations and those who subscribe to terrorism is that we don’t just change our laws when they become horribly inconvenient. We don’t give in to the impulse to dismiss the process of justice for which so many people in your country and mine have fought to uphold. Our laws (in your country, my own, and countless others) say that you are presumed innocent until proven guilty, and if we believe in those laws then we must defend and uphold them even when our hearts and our heads seek vengeance. The alternative is the summary justice which is dispensed by the very people who have inflicted such pain upon our planet.

15

I need to clarify that when I said “your policy” I was referring to the policy of the OP and not the US.

16

[Horror]

But we can’t bomb Australia, we’d never be able to hire Elle MacPherson again!

[/Horror]

17

NO NOT AUSTRALIA!!! Then I couldnt see any new croc hunter episodes!!! Bomb Antartica!!!

18

Shhh, don’t tempt us. Good thing you did not throw down the “double dare” gauntlet.

Actually I have a little nitpick here. The history of democracies is that often in war the laws tend to be changed, relaxed, or outright broken. The slippery slope gets steep in time of war.

19

First of all - y’all do know that Antartica is a largely Australian territory, doncha?

And secondly, I totally agree that many governments have changed their laws previously in times of war to meet various agendas - the point I was trying to make is that we who live in democratic nations have the power to influence the decisions our governments make at this time : that choice isn’t open to my many fellow human beings who live under dictatorships.

Will my government change it’s laws to accommodate the promise our PM to the US without even consulting our Parliament? Very probably - legally, he was in no position to give that guarantee; however, since his return it has been ratified on a bipartisan basis and most of us voting people support that decision. It’s a technicality that he didn’t follow “proper” procedure, and even his political enemies aren’t trying to make mileage out of it.

Unlike the US and the UK, we have an election looming within the next 3 months - 3 weeks ago this government was certain to be defeated at the forthcoming election, now they are riding the wave : our people are about to vote with their feet, and very soon; there isn’t any room for changing the laws just because they can - election day is way too close for any voter to forget how any of our politicians are behaving right now. Neither major party is going to upset the electorate in the few weeks before the election. More than ever before in any election I can remember, the eyes of this nation are upon them - the price of fucking up is their party being out of power for at least the next 4 years.

If these assholes who committed these atrocities can force your nation and mine to change their most basic laws, then they have won - it ain’t gonna happen here, it just aint.

It’s no longer confidential information, so I can share it with you - our reserve army has been put on high alert so that we can both maintain our current military commitments (we’re still part of several UN peace-keeping forces, the most significant of which is in East Timor) and still contain any civil unrest which might arise here over the coming months. We don’t have a huge military force, but we are desperately looking for ways in which we can both honour our current commitments and also stand alongside the US, NZ,Canada, Britain, and everyone else in what can legitimately be called a fight for freedom.

I’d like to assure you all that whatever my country’s government does over the coming months truly is the will of the majority of people (whether or not I agree with the ultimate decision made by that majority). If it ever comes down to the “C” word (conscription) then I will balk, and re-evaluate my position, but until and unless it does reach that point, rest assured that most of us Aussies have no moral conflict whatsoever with backing the US in any reasoned response and at the same time upholding the rule or law in our own nation - either/or is a simplistic tabloid description by the tabloids. Dubbya is not threatening massive retribrution against Australia just because a few of bin Laden’s associates happen to be here right now; anymore than Israel threatens us because a digusting number of war criminals live in our nation.

We will stand by our laws, just as you will, because to do anything else would be to surrender our independence at the whim of these terrorists. These arseholes are not going to win by making us change our laws - at least not in my lifetime they won’t.

20

Damn it! You found out my plot to get antartica bombed so I can find the lost city of Mu! Curses! Foiled by the Australians again! Sure just ruin my goals in life! next you’ll tell me Outback steakhouse isnt really Australian, or that Fosters really isnt Australian for beer!