Today, I was having lunch with my mom and dad, and an old story came up.
When I was in elementary school, I had a serious problem with nosebleeds. They’d be spontaneous and certainly seemed interminable. It got to the point where I’d feel really quite ill and lightheaded. The ear-nose-throat specialist said that short of surgery, nothing would “cure” it, but that I would likely outgrow it. One of the treatment options, less invasive, was to use a long q-tip like swab, which he’d dip in liquid nitrogen, and burn the veins that were causing the bleeds. Yes, that means liquid nitrogen UP MY NOSE. It hurt like HELL, but most of the time it worked.
I have to admit nothing quite comes close to having the smell of your own burnt flesh right there, omnipresent, for a couple of days. The fun part in the post-treatment… erm… treatment, was that somehow, we had to prevent the scab from falling and causing the bleed to start again. These “burns” weren’t in the easy to reach zone of my schnozz either… noooo… I had to use one of those nasty swab things to get up there… and… apply…
…KY jelly. It lubricated, hydrated, did its job in a hypoallergenic way (don’t go stuffing aloe up your nose, m’kay? Bad idea, I’m told).
My mother, who is innocent beyond belief, didn’t understand why my dad couldn’t stop laughing when she went to the pharmacy and asked where the KY was found. The bleeds went on until I was about 12 or so. I never gave the whole process a second thought.
… until university, when a friend and I were planning a “safe sex” presentation for high school students (part of our volunteering program) in the Peer Help Office. There were a bunch of teams preparing their stuff for the following day and we’d just been handed a kit of stuff to show the kids. It came (!) with a tube of KY. I looked at it, snorted, and said, way too loud, “Hey, I used to have to put that stuff up my nose!”
I never lived it down.
Have you ever had to have KY up your nose? Or in other unlikely places? Especially following your doctor’s orders? Go on, make me feel better.