This scenario popped in my head about a week ago and although I’m not even sure it’s possible I talked it over with my wife to find out what she’d want me to do if (Heaven forbid) it ever occurs.
Hypothetically, if during delivery there is a problem and the baby can be saved but that means the mother dies. You can save the mother but that means the baby doesn’t make it. Which do you choose? For men assume the mother is drugged up and can’t make the decisions so it falls to you. Which do you pick?
I’ve always told my wife that if for some reason it came down to our child or I (let’s say we crashed into a lake and she can only save one) that I’d want her to save our child and she told me to do the same thing.
I’d be ok with sacrificing myself in a heartbeat without a second thought or with any regret. But when it comes to her I’d want to do what she would want.
Yes, I would like to live, thanks. And if I thought my partner would opt to save an unborn/newborn child over me, I don’t think I’d let him in the delivery room.
Yeah, I’m selfish like that- I want to be number one with my spouse, no matter what. If he doesn’t pick me and I live, he better run when I get out that bed.
I’m a man, and I’d let the woman decide if possible. Your scenario is pretty simplistic though. What if the woman had children already who would be left without a mother? There might be a better chance for one of the other to survive which should be taken into account.
Overall, I’d really hate to have to make a decision like that. There will be regrets no matter what happens.
This sounds odd, but as independent as my husband and I are of each other, in that situation I’d expect HIM to choose and to choose me. Basically, there’s no way I think I could be rational-I’d be in the midst of some sort of tremendous physical emergency (not to mention a hormone storm) and I really would be in no position to make the call–and frankly, it’s not a call I’d want to make. So, damn it, if I have to have the burden of carrying, bearing, and nursing the child, I think it’s a fair trade for him to have to step in and make this one call, in the unlikely case that it is needed.
There was an E.R. episode which had something like this - both mother and baby’s lives were in danger, and the father was asked which one he’d want them to work to save as they had to concentrate on one. I looked over at my own husband, next to me on the couch, and said, “If you’re ever in that situation - pick me!” He agreed with my choice.
I know it’d be tough either way, but I would think it’d be better to be grieving with your wife over the loss of your baby, rather than caring for your newborn while grieving the loss of your wife.
My wonderful wife told me, when I asked her this question, “I keep going back and forth, so I am telling you that I will be happy with whatever decision you made.”
I would always choose the wife. If somehow the child survived the wife following a complication then I really don’t know if I could bear to look at the child let alone take it home.
hmmm… Its not like that I would ever be in this situation and its the first time I have ever thought about it. But I kind of surprised myself here
Many years ago I experienced the birth of a child who, due to complications in delivery, died only days later. From that experience I am pretty sure that the real answer is that, like me, you will, quite appropriately, be cut out of all decision making by the professionals in attendance.
I am male by the way. In the flooded car scenario, where I would have a choice, just as in the hospital, I would choose my wife.
I know that people throughout history have regularly dealt with the loss of a child, but it seems like an insurmountable amount of grief to me. If I lived and my child died and I knew that it was a result of my husband’s choice, I don’t think I could ever forgive that.
My wife and I actually had this discussion before our first baby was born. She said save the baby, not her, so that’s what I would have done. I don’t care to speculate what I would have done in the absence of those instructions. I know as well that now, we’re both under strict orders from each other to save the kids first.