We engage in witty banter. I thought this is what everyone did.
The lady-who-is-only-there-in-case-I-want-to-charge-my-doctor-with-some-sex-crime never contributes to the conversation. Ain’t that odd?
I’ve had about 15 pelvic exams in the last 2 months, due to some medical problems, so I guess I’m used to it. I do hate that feeling of that little brush they use to get the sample, though. Ick. It doesn’t really hurt, but it kind of makes my skin crawl.
I had a new doctor this year, but with her and the last 3 (2 changed practices and we moved once) I just make small talk. I remember discussing real estate with one (I was selling my house at the time.) From the time I “scoot down the table” till I can sit up again, maybe 4 or 5 minutes pass. I’ve had it done so many times, it’s no biggie. I do prefer having a woman doctor, tho - they seem to be gentler.
“anytime I have to endure someone putting a hand in my vagina without kissing me first, I take myself out to dinner”
I’ll be sending you the cleaning bill for my suit.
Ummm…cringe in pain caused by the evil speculum.
Really…is there another alternative?
I will say that I have to agree on the no time for books thing.
I mean, a pap’s over in what-30 seconds or a minute?
It just FEELS longer.
I thought that when I got pregnant I’d have to have the things all the time, but so far, so internal exam since my first appointment, so that’s good.
I WILL be taking that book to the delivery room, though!
Funny-my husband was in the room for my pap at our first prenatal appt,and he politely looked away.
However, he did look on with interest as the midwive pinched and kneaded my poor, tender breasts and nipples (OUCH!)
I remember lying there, giving him a look that said;
“If you’re turned on my this, mf’er, I’m gonna KILL you!”
I’ve had both women and men docs. No real difference.
My mom’s Advice? Choose the ugliest doc you can find. (Mine’s gorgeous!)
BTW - lady-who-is-only-there-in-case-I-want-to-charge-my-doctor-with-some-sex-crime? Don’t have one with this doc. And I’m glad. I’ll get naked at the drop of a hat, but not every needs to see me naked.
(should’ve been turned on BY this…)
We chat. I’ve been going to the same Planned Parenthood for a while, so we just talk. Apparently, the lady’s been there for quite some time - two of my aunts (mid-thirties to forty) visited her, took. Thankfully, I don’t have to get all the way naked, just from the waist down.
Also - what’s the strangest thing anyone’s ever said to you during a pelvic/pap smear? I was once told that I have a very small cervix, even for someone who’s never had children. (But no one has ever said anything about my personal grooming habits - shaved, that is, except for a little “landing strip.” All bald is WAY too weird!!)
My internist once said;
“Oh! You just got out of the shower I see!”
:eek:
Uhhh…what…are there still scrubbing bubbles down there?
I chat, because I love my doctor and the nurses are nice. And he HAS seen it all because he took care of me throughout my pregnancy. You get a lot of pelvics then.
I also try to focus on relaxing, because not only does it make it less uncomfortable, but it also gets me a “thanks” from my doctor.
Oh, sometimes I also wonder if I’m going to be surprised with the sudden, no-warning “let’s check the rectum real fast” move. :eek: My current doctor has never done that, but a former doctor surprised me once and I can’t help but recall that whenever I’m lying there.
I’ve only had 2 doctors do internals on me - one male (my GP) and one female (an OB/GYN).
I have to say that the male doctor was MUCH more gentle and slow. Not just jamming it in there.
One time my female doc said, after the exam, “You have very soft breasts.” I didn’t know what to say! I said, confused, “Uh, thanks.” She said, “I mean for someone with fibroids.” Oh!
My mom, my sister and I all used the same ob/gyn at one time. We used to laugh about the fact that he talked so softly while he was “down there” that we would all say “What?” all the time.
I am a nervous giggler. So that’s what I do: I giggle like an idiot.
If somebody doing an exam on me pulled that sort of move, the exam would be over and I would never go back! Eek!
I just moved and am largely uninsured so I’m going to have to hope that the Planned Parenthood people here are as great as they were where I came from. The nurse practitioner who examined me had a great sense of humor and always warned me about what she was going to do.
I generally just hold my CRINGE for the whole time. My nurse practitioner (sp) said “Wow, you’ve got legs of steele down here.”
To tell the truth, I’m always so afraid I’ll have to fart while somebody’s ‘down there’ that it makes me cringe more.
I also spend some time wondering how I “stack up” to the other women. Grooming, size, shape… That sort of thing. I don’t think I really want to know though! haha
Just had it done a couple of days ago – I commented that they should put a poster on the ceiling, she said “It’s a general practice, not that many GYN exams, otherwise we probably would” – and by then it was over.
I have to try not to (or at least not to engage in banter that I think is witty until I actually say it and then find out that it wasn’t so funny after all.) because that causes me to giggle nervously, which causes me to tense up, which means the process takes longer. Since I my other stupid nervous habit is tensing my abs, I have to think “RELAX, DAMMIT, RELAX” and then worry about that. Usually, if it’s just a pap smear, it doesn’t take that long. A minute, maybe? It’s when it’s the everything check, when they root around inside there looking for something, that it feels like it takes forever.
I’ve always been warned (thank goodness) but I hate that part. Hate it hate it hate it.
ME TOO!!
A bit of a hijack, but…in the states, do you have to take off ALL your clothes and put on some kind of paper gown? Over here (and in my experience in Australia) you just take off your underpants and skirt/jeans/shorts/whatever.
As for what I do during a pap smear…I’ve only ever had two. The first one was very painful because I just couldn’t relax my muscles enough. The second one was just before I got pregnant this third time, and took all of two minutes, so I just grinned and bore it.
My experience is that they do a breast exam as well, which is hard to do through clothes. 
Where I used to go they had cloth gowns, which worked fine, although they are usually too big on me. (I’m very small.) Paper…ick. Brrrrrrrrrrrrr!
I don’t have to go back until at least December. Yaaaaay!
Why does that little comb/brush thing have to hurt so much? The feeling is indescribable in its utter ookiness.
The oddest thing a GYN said to me was that my cervix was a funny shape, and my uterus is tilted in a weird way. I guess my internal organs are just a laff riot.