First of all I will state that I can’t stand to go get the yearly thing done. The dreaded pap smear. I have to go in and do something to take my mind off of what is going on.
This year I brought in Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff, At Work by Richard Carlson. So I’m laying there with my arms stretched out reading this while my doctor is doing her thing. She asks me what I’m reading and I just brought my arms down at an angle for her to read the cover. She started laughing. I’m glad she has a sense of humor. So ladies, what do you do while getting a pap smear? Other than wish it was over.
It depends on what the ceiling looks like. If it is one of those drop ceilings like you find in a lot of municipal buildings (speckled white squares held by rectangular grid kind of thing) I try to figure out how many tiles were used (without actually counting all of them), and how many would be needed to tile every wall. If it is one of those spackled ceilings, I pick out faces.
Yep, I’m a real spitfire in the gyno’s office.
I have the world’s fastest gynecologist. He’s in and out like a bunny before you even have time to respond to his small talk. It’s an excellent quality in a gynecologist.
The last one was really painful for some reason but I just clenched my fists and waited for it to be over because it hurt so much. Normally I just look around the room and talk to my doctor.
My gyn has comics (copied, enlarged and updated frequently) on the ceiling directly above the exam table. That, and the fact that he keeps the room nice and warm and even heats the jelly and the speculum, shows that he really cares about his patient’s comfort.
Another “chat with my doctor.” I used to dread going, since my previous doctor apparently always used a speculum that was too damn big; this one doesn’t. I certainly don’t look forward to going, but it’s much less uncomfortable.
Chat with the doc-- I go to the university doc and they seem happy to have grad students in (over 25 years old-- not the usual patient) and they have a good “what’s your major, chosen vocation, oh I once took a class in that” banter down. Reading or otherwise pretending to not acknowledge events would feel odd to me (“oh, your arm is in my uterus? Didn’t notice-- this is a great article!”)
I’ve never timed it, but I’d guess, what, about three years?
My doc has a couple of those little plastic troll dolls with neon colored hair hanging from the ceiling over the examination table. (Yes, he does have a slightly warped sense of humor.) So I stare at the trolls and try to take deep cleansing breaths until it’s over.
With my doctor, the whole pelvic, including PAP smear, takes less than 5 minutes. But it’s a very VERY intense 5 minutes!
I talk to him, make jokes etc. I’ll tell him the shapes I see in the ceiling tile dots. But this last time, my dear hubby sent me to see the doc with a hickey DOWN THERE. The doc laughed so hard he dropped the speculum!
On a related note, I’m not a small women and those little paper vests are an absolute joke. The staff at the gyn office has learned to put me in the farthest exam room from the entrance. More often than not I’m sitting there naked waiting on the doc. Oh please… I’ve had several surgeries from this doc. He’s seen everything there is to see by now, from all angles!
I really hate the entire process, but I have this to make it somewhat better: anytime I have to endure someone putting a hand in my vagina without kissing me first, I take myself out to dinner. So usually, I think about dinner. That helps.
