Lame things you've done recently

I lost my brother’s “new” snail mail address…for the third time.

He moved in July and gave me his new address…I deleted the email by mistake. He gave me the address again when I went for a visit in September. I didn’t save the Google Map printout. I had to get the address from him again at Christmas. I wrote it down then, but the post-it note is MIA. Now I have to ask again–his birthday is coming up.

Pretty lame, if you ask me. (Some might suggest that I have subconscious issues with my brother. That is outside the scope of this thread.)

I just bought my third set of tamper-proof security bits (little screwdriver bits used for installing/removing odd fasteners like tamper-proof Torx screws). No there was nothing wrong with the second set, nor in fact was there something wrong with the very first set, but I managed to misplace set #1, then had need of the damn things so off I go to the hardware store to buy set #2, then my ShopVac died and the manual states that it’s held together with TriLobe screws and like I fool I bought a set of security bits that includes those (not easy to find just TriLobes by themselves) without BOTHERING TO LOOK at the actual fasteners on the vac.

Said fasteners are of course plain old Torx bits. No shortage of bits for those around my garage, that’s for sure.

I used to do the same thing with toilet bowl cleaner (those “2000 flushes” tablets). I’d always assume I was out of them when I was at CostCo and I’d buy a big box of the things. Did that about three times in a row before I learned to just say no. I have heaps of them.

Does it count that half the time I can’t find my glasses? I only wear them for close things, so every time I leave the desk or the sewing table I take them off. And then forget where I set them down. So I have to retrace my steps to find them, which takes up all the time I have to do anything. I try to remember to put them in the same place each time, but it never works.

I listened to The Carpenters the other day. “Close to You” and “Superstar.” And I won’t apologize!

I’m still being teased about this one that I posted the other day. It’s just more evidance that I have no more business being inside the house than a rabid bull elk does.

I just realized this morning that I used the wrong stupid gringard reagent yesterday.

Oh, well, if you’re talking about that kind of lame I’ve got a stack of 45s here that’s making me grin like a fool. Bobby Goldsboro and Jay & the Americans among them. Not to mention Rupert Holmes.

Yesterday, I commuted home by train as usual. At the train station is parked the motorcycle I’m borrowing from a friend, which I’ve been riding pretty much every day since October. There’s another motorcyclist standing next to me chatting with me while we both get our gear on.

So I stick my key in the ignition and turn it, and the guy says, “Huh. Your headlight didn’t come on. Does it usually come on when you turn the key?” To which I respond in the affirmative. And to boot, when I hit the ignition button, nothing happens. And I mean nothing – dead silence. I try this a few times thinking that some miracle will happen, and it doesn’t. I think maybe I’ve run the bike out of gas, so I play with the fuel switch, which is completely stupid because the bike would react completely differently if I’d run out of gas, but it beats standing around scratching my head. This, too, doesn’t work.

So then my biker friend and I circle the bike together looking for loose wires or blown fuses, to no avail. So we both scratch our heads. I finally tell him that I’ve got AAA, so he may as well take off and I’ll get it towed. But I decide to call the bike owner to see if he has any ideas before I call AAA.

So I call my buddy and tell him what’s going on, to which he responds with several choruses of “Huh. That’s odd.” He asks if I can have it towed to his shop, which I can’t, because his shop is about 30 miles away and I only get 7 miles with AAA. So we agree to have it towed back to my house and figure something out from there.

Just before we hang up, he starts mumbling to himself about various possibilities, and the only word I actually catch is “neutral.” To which I respond, “Uh…hmm, hang on a second.” Because his comment reminded me that after I’d parked the bike that morning, I’d started it up again to try to adjust the angle in which I’d parked, which meant I’d put it back in gear. And I didn’t remember putting it back into neutral when I was done. So, uh…yeah – turns out the bike wasn’t in neutral, which means it won’t start. Roared right to life after I took it out of gear – some 10 minutes after this folly had begun.

Fortunately, my friend has a great sense of humor. He laughed, said, “Fuck you, Asimovian – I’m going back to work!” and hung up the phone. And I’m still hearing about it today, of course. Deservedly so.

Are you me?

I am receiving mail for an ex-coworker of my wife who has moved back to Germany. It took me less than 12 hours to lose his W-2.

I was making stir fry last week and in the interest of teaching my 18 y.o. nephew and his 17 y.o. g/f basic life skills, I was having them help me. I was showing them how to thicken the sauce with cornstarch. I put some cornstarch in a cup, added enough water to make it not an oobleck, and added it to the pan.

Aaaaand it didn’t thicken. What the hell?

I looked at the “cornstarch”. Sure enough, I grabbed the baking powder. Whups.

I was out dining with my wife and 1-1/2 year old son the other day. We’re getting ready to leave and my son wanders off to a booth occupied by a couple who are sitting close together with their arms around eachother. My son just stops, stands still, and just stares at them.
They didn’t know what to make of it so they just smiled at him.
I go over and quickly pick him up and while doing so say out loud to my son to be funny “Why don’t you take a picture, it’ll last longer” since he was staring at them and turn and walk away with him.
We get outside and my wife is totally embarassed.
“Why did you say that to those people? You we’re so rude. They looked kind of upset. You are a jerk.”

Man, I felt 3 inches tall. It didn’t even occur to me that it looked like I was making the comment towards them.

I hit the reset button by accident just when I got up to a really, really important part of my game–after a long time of lots of hard work–and now I have to start all over again.

Arrrrrrrrgh! :smack: :smack: :smack:

Probably not, but it’s hard to tell without my glasses.

There are no specific examples… What happens if you do lame shit about once every minute? I’m klutzy, socially inept, and things come out wrong half the time when I talk, especially if it’s important. It’s a good day if I don’t wind up injured. Oh, and I lose my glasses about half the time.