I’m single in a 2 bedroom apartment. I work 4-midnight and am addicted to my PS2. I am also quite possibly the laziest son of a bitch to ever put on a shirt from the laundry basket instead of doing the laundry cuz it’s still not to smelly to wear. Lately I’ve been walking into my apartment after coming home at midnight and thinking to myself, “Damn, this place is a mess. I need to clean up.”
I then promptly sit down to a dinner of White Castles and watch Conan O’Brien followed by a couple games of baseball on the PS2, followed by sleep.
So how does one motivate oneself to get off one’s lazy ass and clean? Here’s what I’ve come up with:
Eventually, I’m going to reach the point where curiosity demands I find out what that smell is and where it’s coming from.
When my socks continue to hold the shape of my foot after I take them off, I will have no choice but to do laundry.
One of these days, I’m going to need one of those papers littered about the living room and I’ll have to go through every single one of them so I can renew my subscription to Big Horking Titties Monthly.
At some point, I will find a need to use real dishes instead of paper plates and will have to load and run the dishwasher.
While walking around my place, I will get tired of having to dodge randomly falling objects and be forced to put things away instead of piling them up.
Ah, the life of a single lazy ass. I really need to get into a relationship with a neat freak so I don’t have to worry about these things anymore.
Back in my single, living alone, smoking lots of pot days, I let my dishes sit in the sink so long, that the smell made me gag. So I threw them out and bought new dishes.
The last time I seriously cleaned my apartment, I opened the refrigerator door and decided instead of tryng to see what was still good keep keep and what wasn’t, I just through out everything, milk cartons, tupperware, a cassarole dish (which I didn’t even own, I had to buy my mom a new one) - and started over with an empty fridge.
Not quite on par with throwing out all the dishes, but I can relate. I’ve even considered doing that with the dishes currently in my sink.
Ok jack , I was living with 3 other lazy assed guys.We let the pile of gag inducing dishes get so high we tossed them out and invested in paper plates.
Before I moved back to Cali, my mom and I had a fridge that would gradually grow a lump of ice that made it more and more difficult to open the door.
After a while, we just stopped trying.
When we moved, we figured that the fridge hadn’t been opened in over 3 months. We moved and left dirty dishes, bags of garbage, and of course, the fridge.
It wasn’t empty either. I remember there being 1/2 gallon of milk, and at least 2 plates of left overs.
