I’m single in a 2 bedroom apartment. I work 4-midnight and am addicted to my PS2. I am also quite possibly the laziest son of a bitch to ever put on a shirt from the laundry basket instead of doing the laundry cuz it’s still not to smelly to wear. Lately I’ve been walking into my apartment after coming home at midnight and thinking to myself, “Damn, this place is a mess. I need to clean up.”
I then promptly sit down to a dinner of White Castles and watch Conan O’Brien followed by a couple games of baseball on the PS2, followed by sleep.
So how does one motivate oneself to get off one’s lazy ass and clean? Here’s what I’ve come up with:
Eventually, I’m going to reach the point where curiosity demands I find out what that smell is and where it’s coming from.
When my socks continue to hold the shape of my foot after I take them off, I will have no choice but to do laundry.
One of these days, I’m going to need one of those papers littered about the living room and I’ll have to go through every single one of them so I can renew my subscription to Big Horking Titties Monthly.
At some point, I will find a need to use real dishes instead of paper plates and will have to load and run the dishwasher.
While walking around my place, I will get tired of having to dodge randomly falling objects and be forced to put things away instead of piling them up.
Ah, the life of a single lazy ass. I really need to get into a relationship with a neat freak so I don’t have to worry about these things anymore.