You’re a smart guy. I am not trying to insult you here. It’s because the company, our company, decided to team us up to work together, that I have gotten to know you and, for the most part, you are alright.
The fact that we work in completely different countries hasn’t stopped us from talking about politics, sports, weather, our wives and children, etc either. You have a lot to say and I am always glad to listen. I hope that you feel the same way. Sincerely.
However, due to a variety of reasons, most of our correspondence have been through emails, mostly due to the time differential. On the phone you sound like a rational and intelligent person, and I have first hand knowledge the English is even your first language. So what the fuck happens to you brain when you switch modes from verbal to composition?
First of all your font colour of choice is red. Not just red, but the brightest fucking red there is, so bright in fact that all surrounding traffic comes to a screeching halt. Second, it is all written in **bold - B I G FUCKING LETTERS, people ** and the font type is Curlz MT™ (Curlz MT - its not a language, it looks like fish talk!!), rendering it damn impossible to read. More importantly (and this is the reason I felt like I needed to vent) why must every other sentence have at least one or two “…Umm…”'s in them, therefore not only making these emails hard to read but incomprehensible too!? If I sneeze whilst typing to you do I type Achoo! God forbid you should ever fart and force me to bare witness to a Thhblltwwhhaaapp!
There is no need to stop whatever it is your typing to add that word Umm!
Repeat!!
There is no need to stop whatever it is your typing to add that word Umm!
What the fuck is that? Does that mean you stopped typing and your brain is thinking? No, of course not, because if you stopped typing I wouldn’t be subject to your retardness! Perhaps you want people to think that your thought patterns are programmed into the machine!? Do you see me adding, like, interjections when I am …ummm… trying to be professional? You are not supposed to write every thought that you hear in your head when you type these things, bro. It’s just not done. If it were all my Reply’s would be scattered with words like asshole and shit-for-brains.
And people, these emails are not just from me to him. No, no no, there’s always atleast a half-dozen other people CC’d all over these fucking things! It’s like burping and spitting and picking popcorn out of your teeth in the middle of a conference call. Yes, believe it or not Michael H., (there, I said it), people see these emails as a reflection of you, if this is all they know of you. I don’t know what you look like at all but I have two mental images for you, one for the phone and another from your emails. Well guess what? I wanna frantically kick the living snot out of that second guy while your other persona weeps in embarrassment.
-finis coronat opus