Even outside the world of dominatrixing, there are certain verbal exchanges that need to go a particular, set way. Both parties know what to expect, and it allows for the free exchange of information with a minimum of fuss and muss. I think of this concept as ‘scripting’. Fr’instance:
Meeting an aquaintance in the hallway…
Party 1: Hi!
Party 2: How are you?
Party 1: Fine. And you?
Party 2: Fine.
Some people understand this concept; some obviously don’t. My obnoxious mother is among the don’t understands. This makes me so angry. I had the following conversation with her, then with my dad (on the phone) last night.
Me: So, I had two Anatomy tests tonight - both lecture and lab. Guess how I did?
Me: 104 isn’t even a choice, tests are scored from 0 to 100. Why do you always guess beyond the realm of possibility?
Her (irritated now): 89
Me: No. I made a 99 on both of them!
Her (disinterested): Oh.
:: pause for several moments, me expectant, her ignoring me ::
Me: Are you proud of me?
Me: Well then say it!
Me (louder): Just say, ‘I’m proud of you’!
Her (irritated): I’m proud of you.
Me (irritated, walking off): That’s a lie.
The result was we both felt bad, angry, and disappointed, about something that should have been nice. This is so frustrating for both of us, and we do this every time there is information I want to share with her.
Now with my dad, for contrast - same topic.
Me: So, I had two Anatomy tests tonight, both lab and lecture. Guess how I did?
Me: I made a 99 on both of them!
Him: I’m proud of you!
Me: Thanks, I’m glad you are.
Him*: We’ll have to do something nice this weekend to celebrate.
Result was a good exchange, a perfect perfomance. Both parties ended the interaction feeling better than when they began. Pride and affirmation - what more could anyone want?
This happens with everything I’ve ever needed to speak to her about, for the past 27 years. She refuses to give the appropriate answer, so that I can make the next statement, and we end up screaming at each other and stomping around the fucking house for days. I don’t see how she could interact with others of her species and not realize there are certain forms you can follow to make said interaction less confrontational. For chrissakes, woman, just say the words!
Is that really too much to ask?
***** This bit is not in the script and was just some surprise extra pleasantness my dad threw in. What a great guy, huh?