Least Painful 'Natural' Way to Die.

Factual Questions
81

This may sound crazy, but I’ve done a lot of thinking about this. I do wonder if anyone’s done an actual study on it. From just my anecdotal experiences helping families through the final years of life, it seems like 2 years is the sweet spot. 2 years and people - the dying and those that love them - have had time to come to grips with the death, wrap up their lives, say their goodbyes, and gotten just sick enough of being sick that you hear more “I’ve lived a good life and I’m ready to go when it’s time,” from the person dying and more “At least he’s at peace now,” than “He was taken too soon,” at the memorial service.

Interestingly enough, 2 years is also about the time spent reminiscing about the past in a new and more intense way by elderly folks in the last stages of life. By which I mean, when grandma starts fixating on five or six stories of her childhood and young adulthood, it might be time to start discussing end of life plans in a real way (if it hasn’t been done already). When grandpa starts having vivid dreams of his days in the army, or complex thoughts of friends he hasn’t talked to in years, it might be time to discuss funeral arrangements. Not in an immediate sense, but it’s likely that 2, but not 3 more tax returns will need to be filed.

So, given adequate pain control, my wish for most people is a 2 year decline and death process.

I have mixed feelings about sharing this information with seniors who are concerned that they’re having all these dreams and memories they haven’t thought of in years. I usually simply reassure them that it’s perfectly normal for their stage of life, and try to work in some discussion about DNR orders, Living Wills and Powers of Attorney. But I try to do it without stamping them with an expiration date, y’know?

82

I disagree. The quick ones are more abrupt and somewhat more intense, in that they were here one moment, and now they’re not, and that takes some getting used to, as well as the mourning process. But once that process is over, it’s over.

But that beats having a loved one die by inches from cancer or heart failure or something like that. In those cases, you know they’re going to die, and usually they do too, but nobody knows when, so you have all the personal anguish, as well as getting to see someone else deal with their own mortality.

The question really is the emotional equivalent of pulling a band-aid off fast or slow.