Leave my goofyness alone. (très mineur)

We’ve had cold weather and 15 inches of snow here.

Earlier this afternoon I broke off some of the icicles hanging from the roof of my duplex. There were about a dozen of them longer than a foot, the largest about three feet long with more than one spike. I took them around to the front and stuck them into the snow piles left from scooping the sidewalk, pointing up, which gives an odd but interesting look to the front yard. Hell, frozen over.

There’s a grade school a few blocks away from here. Some of the little accidents walk past here on their way home. A few minutes ago, I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, so I went to check it out.

One of junior assholes walked up my sidewalk, grabbed the biggest icicle, and was walking off with it.

Why? It looked cooler where it was. He’s just going to break it, as his pal is going to break the smaller one he took with him.


That little rat bastard!!! I have arranged icicles the same way and wouldn’t have wanted anyone to screw with mine either.

You should have called the cops and reported it stolen. It would be great to see it go to trial and witness what is left of the icicle presented as evidence. Also, the value of a stolen icicle should be fun for them to figure out and type up in a report.

Some other guy walked past my kitchen window a bit ago, and now the 4’ long one that I didn’t harvest (because it was on the neighbor’s side of the duplex) is missing. Assholes, all of them.

I bet they’ll think I took it, too, since the smaller ones are still in the yard.

You should have followed them home and keyed their bikes. :wink:

Here in Florida the little darlings will trespass on private property to steal oranges from the trees. If they actually ate them that would be one thing but they either end up throwing them at each other until they are smashed to bits or they throw them at cars.

Maybe the little geniuses proceeded to beat each other with the icicles causing at least minor injuries? If so you could feel a little bit revenged.

Dude, two words: icicle fort.

See, then you can lie in wait for when those little bastards return.

Oh yes.

All. Out. Icicle. War.

(Alright, I live in California and have only seen snow up close once… but I do know that if I had icicles- there’d by icicle war. :smiley: )

Wikkit, are you seriously peevish about kids nicking your icicles? :eek:

How about I send you over a little bottle of Australian summer sunshine to brighten your day? The heat that will escape the bottle when you open it will cause the icicles to melt before the fuckers get a chance to steal them next time.


But imagine the following lawsuit :eek:

The precendent that letting kids steal icicles that they proceed to beat each other with is negligence of the original icicle owner was clearly established in 1972’s *Darwin V. Douche *

Stab them to death with an icicle. Not only would it be poetic justice and fun, but the murder weapon will vanish.

Bah, sounds like a bad Law and Order episode to me.

My vote is for a big big dog…

But if it was an episode of CSI, Grissom would still be able to figure out whodunnit.

After analyzing the composition of the water left over from the melting icicles and determining that it contained particles from a composition roof, which he then cross-referenced with the FBI’s Composition-Roof-Particle Database (using its stunning DirectX-based 3D interface) and traced back to an out-of-business hardware store that was owned by the previous owner of Wikkit’s house! The bastard!