Lech Walesa is walking 500 feet!

“Lech Walesa is walking 500 feet!”

“Uh… OK?”

Great. Was a Hero of the Counterrevolution paralyzed while I dozed? Is this valid news?

“Turn on FOX News! Lech Walesa is walking 500 feet above the ground!”

“What?”

"Solidarnosc Man is risen! Solidarnosc Man is coming for Zombie Chernenko! Solidarnosc Man’s foot will not be divided or destroyed!"*

“Turn on FOX! A Flying Wallenda is walking 500 feet above the ground!”

“OK… OK… Sure. I’m at the store right now.”

*I’m happily without cable or satellite right now. You know this. Hero Poles walking on stilts or whatever else won’t change that.

And since when did Lech Walesa become a Flying Wallenda?*

As it turns out, Nik Wallenda is now the first person to walk a tightrope across Niagara Falls.

Slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch, but the flying Pole had beaten me to it! I mean, it happened in June.

Ya gotta love family, right?

*(How do you tell Zombie Chernenko from Living Chernenko? Zombie Chernenko looks better!)

He walked over Atlantic City today. Nik Wallenda, I mean. Not Lech Walesa.

Asked for comments, Lech Walesa said, “Very impressive. Tight rope walking. Really puts my life in perspective. I mean, what did I ever do? Just defy the Soviet Empire and bring freedom to my homeland. Nothing worth remembering like walking across a rope or anything.”