My buddies and I have been trying to figure out a scenario where this particular bit of legalese would be necessary. Let me set the stage for you:
On September 11th, I was visiting Lower Manhattan on business. My business was at World Financial Center C, the American Express building directly across the street from the Trade Center. I was staying at the new Embassy Suites right next to it to the north. After the attacks, I was unable to return to the hotel to reclaim my belongings, which include my laptop, clothing, CDs, makeup, camera, etc. My coworkers and I have been calling regularly to check on the progress of getting our stuff back.
Last week, we received a message and release form from the Embassy Suites Hotel’s legal counsel. The letter stated that, essentially, they don’t want to give our stuff back to us, but, if we insist, they will reluctantly release our stuff to us. They won’t send it to us. We have to go get it (yeah - that’s going to happen :rolleyes: ) or send a designated representative with a limited power of attorney to do it for us. They say it’s because our stuff is contaminated with asbestos and whatnot, and that, even though they’ve HEPA vacuumed it and bagged it up, they can’t guarantee that a minute quantity of contaminants might have gotten by them and they don’t want to affect any third party carriers with it (as though all of the mail going out from the area is completely asbestos-free). I say it’s because they don’t want to be liable for any breakage that happens if THEY send it. I mean - why HEPA vacuum it if they don’t want me to ever have it?
Anyway, on to the legalese portion. The release form is one page of WHEREAS statements (eight of 'em!), and a page and a half of remedy for the WHEREAS. You know - your standard thing. But the remedy that makes us laugh is the following:
“From the beginning of the world” - the hotel is one year old. I’m 32. The attacks: two and a half months ago. The only scenario I can come up with where Hilton & its partners might be liable from the beginning of the world is if an ancestor of mine, upon foreseeing that I would get back clothing that was contaminated with asbestos because of this event, became so stressed that he or she perished. I would think that my presence during such a dangerous event would have caused a clairvoyant ancestor a great deal more stress, but that’s neither here nor there. Particularly since I have no such ancestor.
Can anybody come up with ANY other scenario that might make such a phrase relevant? I’m not looking for information on how to write a legal document, but for a useful scenario where, if I weren’t signing a release containing this phrase, the hotel might be liable. Because it’s fun. Feel free to slap down any other snippets of amusing legalese you’ve come across from the beginning of the world, too!