Legalize Opium!

Why haven’t lawmakers re-legalized opium yet? There are many medical uses for it. It can kill pain, and put people under general anesthesia. The only thing standing in the way is the people who think that it will hurt and lead to psychosis. All of those tests were done a while ago, and I’m sure if you do another clinical trial, you will see that the recreational use of apomorphine now and then doesn’t lead to any serious physical harm.

If people are concerned about lighting up giant pipes onthe street, they can be assured that they can buy an opium cookie from Mrs. Field’s on the corner. Be rest assured that this recipe will not get out!

It won’t lead to the downfall of society. If anything, it will reduce violence because people will be too busy looking at the pretty colors!

Write to your congressmen! Maybe they will listen up for once and let us hit up legally!

Yeah—it’s been years since young innocent girls have been kidnapped to the smoky hop joints in Chinatown, and were taught to kick the gong around!

Everybody, now:

"Hi-di-hiiii-de-ho . . . "

I agree that opium should be legal. But I don’t think the public is ready to support opium legalization just yet. I’d stick to getting marijuana legalized first, then think about legalizing the drugs that have a greater stigma attached to them. (And I’d hold off on trying to legalize PCP until last. That stuff’s scary.)

Just a jokoe, everyone. I’m really going after jet!