Just a theory but there’s the stereotype of men not wanting to discuss their feelings. It could be that it’s more likely that when a male-male marriage faces problems, the two men are less likely to seek a confrontation. It’s women who are more likely to bring the marital difficulties out into the open - where they might get fixed or they might lead to a divorce. Two men may end up breaking up and living separate lives while avoiding acknowledging the problems in their marriage - and consequently remaining technically married.
I think it’s actually a little more complicated.
In college, I was a RA for several years, and in general, women had far more friction and far more issues with their roommates than men did. The women would get torqued about some (to me) petty issue like whether they left their makeup out, or if all their roommate’s dirty laundry was in the hamper in the closet with the door closed. Or something stupid like leaving the cap off their toothpaste, or getting makeup on the floormat. They’d literally get pissed off at their roommates about leaving the door open to the closet where the dirty clothes could be seen. Then, once torqued, the vast majority of women would never actually confront the other girl directly, they’d usually do passive-aggressive shit and/or snipe at the other girl behind her back.
Men on the other hand, tended to have a different outlook. Little stuff tended to be overlooked or ignored if it wasn’t worth a confrontation. But when it did come to a confrontation, the men tended to be direct and to the point, and almost always, they’d talk it out and compromise, or the offending party would realize the error of their ways and shape up. Very rarely would things escalate from there.
By and large, the male threshold for offense was much higher, with a greater willingness for face-to-face confrontation, and it led to much more harmonious relationships.
I’m straight, but I strongly believe that outside of the romantic/sex part, a pair of people living together are essentially roommates and that the dorm model is a good way to look at this.
My sister and one or two of her roommates moved out on the other one because she was not only very opinionated on how the rooms should be set up, she also left very demanding post it notes basically telling the other girls what to do, cleaning and setup wise.
Not disparaging your experience, but it’s different from mine as a faculty member living in an apartment in a college dorm for four years (not an RA per se but sort of RA supervisor).
In my experience, the men tended to have fewer conflicts about domestic matters because they were more willing to “outsource” them: if a guy spilled something in the bathroom or kitchenette, for example, they’d all just ignore it until the college housekeeping staff eventually came by to clean it up. Female students in a similar situation would have more clashes about carelessness, damage, etc., but they also were more proactive about fixing the problem instead of just leaving it for others to encounter and ultimately deal with.
What was interesting was that when the male students were in a situation where they had to take responsibility for the condition of their surroundings, e.g., if there was a party or other event that the organizers were tasked to clean up after, their behavior became very similar to that of the female students. They were more conscientious about cleaning and organization but also more prone to trivial conflicts about who wasn’t doing his share, whose fault it was that this problem happened, and so forth.
So I’m inclined to think that gender differences between students living in a dorm environment with a lot of household support services may not be representative of the behaviors of self-supporting adults.
:dubious: And you put ‘divorces’ in quotes why?
:dubious:
**Because **it’s a direct quote from the linked article, Captain Sensitivity, which in its turn may be because the process of ending a civil partnership is not a divorce in the legal sense of the word.
If we’re breaking out women-in-a-college-dorm anecdotes to ponder the source of this higher divorce rate, I’ll mention menstrual synchronization.
At my school, the only housekeeping services provided were that the custodial staff came through and cleaned the toilets, showers and sinks once a week, and they vacuumed the hallways and took out the trash in the hallways. Everything else in students’ rooms was up to them.
I just meant that in most cases I saw, the girls were getting torqued about things that most men would consider trivial. Ludovic’s example is spot-on in my experience.
Living with anyone is an adjustment, and dorm stories aside, and looking at married couples I know, the wives bitch at the husbands about the most trivial and silly things. I can only imagine that two women doing that to each other would be far more likely to end in divorce than 2 men.
What I’d be curious to see is how F-F and M-M marriages compare to M-F marriages in terms of divorce rate?
I guessed before even looking at the link that it was a British news service, and I was correct. They’ll quote individual words or small phrases in their headlines.
Other headlines from that site:
Virgin domestic flights a ‘disaster’ as passengers stick with no-frills rivals
Chinese ‘tough guy’ saws off his own leg to avoid hospital fees
Turkish TV presenter ‘sacked’ for wearing low cut top on air
They’re not sarcasm quotes like here in America.
So lesbian marriages are sexless and filled with petty conflicts and passive-aggressive behavior. Way to ruin the fantasy, universe.
I think this is it. Gay men don’t have a reputation for leaping into marriage, and many of the current batch of marriages are relationships that have already stood the test of time.
True. Also, in the case of the Virgin quote at least, the word ‘disaster’ might be quoted because someone in the article itself is quoted as using the word.
The Independent, btw, is a generally left-of-centre publication that you’d expect to be generally sympathetic to gay issues. (Aren’t we all, these days?)
I’m guessing you haven’t seen a whole lot of real, live lesbians either.
Seriously. The term “sensible shoes” often applies in real life.
(BTW, how many of you trying to answer this question are lesbian, or in the community? More than one?)
Being a lesbian as well as in the trans community, and having numerous lesbian friends (more than I can count), I’ll have to say that in my neck of the woods any inequity in separation rates isn’t apparent to the point where it’s discussed.
However, I’ll offer some ponderings from my experience.
-
When a gay couple comes together, where one or more was originally in a straight relationship, it appears to me to be uncommon that outsiders try to split up the relationship. Ex-girlfriends/wives rarely ever attempt such, in fact usually they vanish. Whereas the ex-boyfriends/husbands of the women seem to range from pestering to almost threatening. Men generally do not handle being left for a woman very well, and the lesbian couple is harassed pretty severely, and sometimes for years after the one partner left the man. Some of these men will even try harassing or intimidating the friends of the couple, something which I’ve personally experienced.
-
“Predatory” single lesbians looking for one-night stands can easily be found at any club scene, and they hone in on you like a guided missile. Some of these girls seem almost sociopathic, and will put a lot of subtle pressure on one of the partners, as well as getting drunk and flirting openly and physically with them. Again, something I experience on a regular basis. Whereas gay couples (in my experience, mind you) don’t seem to have so much pressure from third parties.
-
Lesbian couples that I know tend to socioeconomically worse off than the gay couples. Often one of the women is unemployed or underemployed.
-
Lesbian couples often have at least one partner trying to juggle raising kids from a prior relationship, or distraught over not being able to keep their kids. This has led to stress which has broken up at least 2 relationships I know of.
-
Alcohol abuse among lesbians that I know tends to be much higher than that of the gay couples that I know. Possibly because of items (1)-(4).
yawn Too long, didn’t read. Why don’t you go rustle up some coffee and let the straight menfolk talk, honey. 
Actually, #1 is a good point and #3 and #4 are obvious if you give it a second’s thought, especially if they both bring kids. I didn’t know about #5 and #2 is a revelation. Damn, gay or straight, women are the shark chum of the bar scene. I truly regret some of my behavior back when I was single. 
I was going to mention this possibility but forgot. Although I don’t know many lesbian couples, incomes for women are lower than that for men and same sex couples are no exception. And arguments and stress over money is one of the main causes of breakups.
Although it would be interesting to see if the study did correct for income levels, since it’s fairly common to do so in sociological studies.
This is something that I’ve noticed. There may be a lot of confirmation bias, and I do know women who’ve also gotten along very well with their roommates, but in general, in my experience, male roommates seem to have a far easier time getting along with each other than women roommates do. Of course, this often translates to being ok with living in a pig sty 
And I’m not claiming that this has anything to do with divorce rates among gay people. It may, but it also may not.
This in an excellent post. True in my limited experience – I don’t know about #2 and #5 (not a lesbian just have relatives & friends who are).
This. There’s no cliche about gay men bringing a U-Haul trailer to the second date.