Several million vs three thousand is a pretty silly comparison.
I think in the middle of the show’s run, we should change the actors playing the fundie kids parents and constantly hint about the change, sort of like the e.r. episode where Alex ran away, and the first glimpse we get of the new actor is followed by Sam saying “I hardly recognize you!” but much more hamfisted.
For sweeps week, a woman comes into the clinic and reveals that she’s been pregnant for decades. The procedure is carried out to reveal the episode’s guest star: Steven Seagal, who proceeds to perform a bluesy duet with Bruce Willis. Willis can play an anti-abortion doctor constantly thinking up wacky schemes to shut down the clinic while trying to seduce every other character.
“Sherman’s She-Devils”. Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Madonna join forces to save humanity from evildoers. Justin Bieber plays Sherman Jr. (the son of Colonel Sherman Potter), the she-devil’s manager. The primary villain is “Uncle Percy”, played by Wayne Knight (Seinfeld’s Newman). Loretta Switt joins the cast in season 2 as “Hot Lips”, replacing Britney Spears because she couldn’t memorize her line.
The anti-abortion protestors can also use these lines, taken from real life:
Don’t listen to her. She just wants you to have an abortion.
No doctors work in that building. Just abortionists.
ALL women regret an abortion. NO woman regrets adoption.
God wants you to have your baby.
God will provide for your baby.
They can also be shown grabbing women by the arms, forcing literature into their hands, and running down the street after them. And surrounding cars pulling up to the clinic so the passengers are held hostage.
At a pro-Planned Parenthood rally, make sure the anti-abortion protestors yell over the speakers, calling the PP people “liars” “murderers” and worst.
As I stated above, I have seen and heard all of these events at the local PP.
Frequently, there will be a TV in the background that shows a “Special Report.” These are ALWAYS hosted by Geraldo Rivera.
And farts. You guys forgot farts.
~VOW
Again, we’re trying to make a bad show, not an excellent one. 
While we’re at it, this thread sounds like a good plot for The Producers II - Prime Time.
Farts are easy. We just make Garofalo’s character chronically flatulent. She can respond to some of Warfield’s more well placed zingers just by farting. Added hilarity can be mined from her having difficulty keeping a girlfriend. Because they find it "too windy down there. "